Adverse response to confrontation and being criticised

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GOD_2689
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29 Sep 2020, 7:13 am

Is it just me or do any of my fellow autistic's find that they have a massive issue dealing with being criticised and confronted. Even if valid or true to the point that you end up getting frustrated and shouting at the person who is confronting/criticising you ?

Just thought I would see if I was alone with this.



MrsPeel
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29 Sep 2020, 7:19 am

Oh yeah, I have issues with that.
And not just confrontations with me, but witnessing confrontations between others gets me too.
But I usually end up crying rather than shouting.



kraftiekortie
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29 Sep 2020, 7:28 am

In truth, many people---whether autistic or not---don't like confrontation and criticism.

I don't really care for either myself. That's one of the many reasons why I don't like a certain President......



Fnord
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29 Sep 2020, 8:26 am

GOD_2689 wrote:
Is it just me or do any of my fellow autistic's find that they have a massive issue dealing with being criticised and confronted?
Your perspective is correct.  There seem to be many autistic people who are more concerned with being treated nicely than with resolving their problems, and who also seem to feel that even the slightest hint of a suggestion that they could resolve their problems on their own is somehow an attack upon their person or a form of condescension and belittlement.
GOD_2689 wrote:
Even if valid or true to the point that you end up getting frustrated and shouting at the person who is confronting/criticising you? ...
No, my preferred response is a tactical retreat.


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Jiheisho
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29 Sep 2020, 10:02 am

It is tough, but you can work on your response.



Pepe
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30 Sep 2020, 5:24 am

GOD_2689 wrote:
Is it just me or do any of my fellow autistic's find that they have a massive issue dealing with being criticised and confronted. Even if valid or true to the point that you end up getting frustrated and shouting at the person who is confronting/criticising you ?

Just thought I would see if I was alone with this.


I don't have a problem anymore, overwhelmingly.

If someone is patronising/criticising me unjustifiably, I just laugh on the inside and walk away.
I have a lot of self-confidence these days.
You don't need to get angry when the other person is being foolish. ;)
Simples. 8)



Pepe
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30 Sep 2020, 5:30 am

Fnord wrote:
GOD_2689 wrote:
Is it just me or do any of my fellow autistic's find that they have a massive issue dealing with being criticised and confronted?
Your perspective is correct.  There seem to be many autistic people who are more concerned with being treated nicely than with resolving their problems, and who also seem to feel that even the slightest hint of a suggestion that they could resolve their problems on their own is somehow an attack upon their person or a form of condescension and belittlement.


And sometimes people simply react to the presumption of the person giving the advice. 8)


Fnord wrote:
GOD_2689 wrote:
Even if valid or true to the point that you end up getting frustrated and shouting at the person who is confronting/criticising you? ...
No, my preferred response is a tactical retreat.

So is mine. 8)



ezbzbfcg2
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30 Sep 2020, 6:27 am

Ever been in a situation where someone gets nasty, hostile, or belligerent with you...seemingly you out of nowhere? You meant no harm, but someone goes out of their way to publicly debase you? And ever feel like the hostile party was in the wrong? Yet, you still get this feeling that the bystanders are standing in solidarity with the hostile party? Maybe they agree and don't like you, or maybe it's some social hierarchical thing. Even if you try to stand up for yourself, the naysayers claim that YOU are in the wrong, giving the bully a free pass in their nasty behavior to you? Damned if you do / Damned if you don't. Or is it just me?



FleaOfTheChill
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30 Sep 2020, 6:47 am

GOD_2689 wrote:
Is it just me or do any of my fellow autistic's find that they have a massive issue dealing with being criticised and confronted. Even if valid or true to the point that you end up getting frustrated and shouting at the person who is confronting/criticising you ?

Just thought I would see if I was alone with this.


For me, it depends on how it's done. If they aren't name calling or something, just pointing out problems with what I said or did, I have zero problems with it. I like different perspectives, especially when I get to learn something new. unless someone is being rude to me, I'm fine with it.

Even if they're being rude, I doubt I'd yell. Yelling gets me nowhere but loud and stressed out. I find it easier to walk away at that point. Besides, if someone's being rude, how can you have a productive interaction? I admit, when I was younger this wasn't always the case. :lol: back in the day I'd yell now and then. Especially when I felt I was the correct one.

I think a lot of people don't like being criticized and confronted. Most people do or say things because they feel it's the right thing to say or do. Feeling like that belief that whatever is right is being attacked generally puts people on the defensive. It's been my experience people don't like to be wrong. Unfortunately being wrong happens to the best of us now and then. So goes life.



magz
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30 Sep 2020, 7:08 am

Adverse response to criticism is very, very common.
Somewhere deep inside, I experience it - but I've learned to do better.

I still remember that feeling of revelation when I was in some 5th grade and I pointed out to my Math teacher that she wrote something wrong on the blackboard. I expected a defensive reaction, gaslighting, attack - that's what I was used to. Instead, she just looked at the blackboard, said: "Oh, indeed, this is wrong", corrected the error and continued the class like nothing happened.
I thought: Wow, that's how you deal with it!

It took me years to overcome this sting of pain for being wrong but learning to correct myself instead of defending saved me from making things worse really many times.


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