thewrll wrote:
Would like to know where you are seeing any of that.
There is no use in naming names, but suffice to say I have seen a good deal of it...it's a big forum with many members, so always there's a percentage, on any forum...whether they're truly bad people or just people who I don't get along with, that depends on your perspective. But even just since making this post, I've received a short message to my PM saying "I don't like you" explaining how I'm an "arrogant jerk" etc. Which of course is wrong, because I know I'm a nice and good person. Yeah it may just be one or two people who feel that way but it's enough for me, I don't need to have those kinds of people in my life. I just feel there's a lot of negative energy on here and I'm sensitive to it and don't react well to it...and don't really know how to resolve it, and it isn't my place to do so...of course there's positive energy as well which is why I stayed as long as I did...
Thanks to others for your kind comments. I've been involved on online forums and communities for a long time, on and off over the years (I'm 33 now and started when I was 13). Sometimes with thousands of posts, etc. Sometimes I've even been the troll, or been the problem anyway. The problem is people always seem to say something that rubs me the wrong way. I take things personally and have a hard time letting things go once this happens. It gets worse when there are discussions about politics, religion, etc., where people are naturally very divided and get defensive and like to argue (I know I can be like that). Plus sometimes I do get mean when people push my buttons because I feel I need to stand up for myself, and that can become an escalating cycle.
I've come and gone from various places for these reasons. It's not entirely my fault but it's also not entirely others' either. The blame is always to be shared when there is conflict. Part of the issue is I have strong opinions and ideals and can have a really hard time accepting people who don't fit into those. And a great many people do fit in, so it's usually not a problem...but when it is, it's a big problem for me. Some things I just don't put up with which makes it hard because we all have our opinions. Discussion forums give people a platform to say what they want to people without having to really approach them about it.
Also I wonder if it's really the right place for me because I don't have ASD. I know many on here identify that they do and have diagnoses etc. I always wondered if I did but never got a formal dx and was told my a specialist I didn't seem to have it as much as his other clients, if anything it was "high functioning" Asperger's (which wasn't really a diagnosis of course). I tend to score pretty highly on NT as well as neurodiverse on those quizzes...and I just don't see myself as disabled. I've taken an interest in autism and learned about it etc., but can't really identify myself as that completely. So I feel kind of like someone who doesn't belong with this group as well as others. That makes it hard for someone who is used to not fitting in anyway. I think I can offer a unique perspective because I'm like Spock...not entirely vulcan, not entirely human (50/50 NT and autistic)...but it also means I don't get along so well with either group maybe.
I think I have more of a light or pseudo-autism and can't identify with a lot of what others on here are going through. So in the end it's just another discussion forum for me and when I have to deal with the "bad seeds", it makes it really hard for me, because I think about stuff a lot...I'll wake up in the morning or night and not be able to sleep because of something someone said or did online...that I know was wrong, and it'll bother me.
I may come and go but currently my thoughts are that it's best I do take some distance anyway...
Last edited by eyelessshiver on 17 Sep 2020, 1:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.