Is it a bad idea to try to date autistic women mainly?

Post Reply New Topic

I feel like I keep failing in relalionships with women and I feel like maybe it's because I am autistic. I wonder maybe I should just stick to women who are as well, and not bother with non-autistic women, unless of course they approach me and all, but otherwise not bother to actually pursue any more that are not autistic as well.

Or is this a bad idea, and it's just too limiting, and therefore not the answer?

My mother was an aspie and a feminist. I never had a relationship with another aspie, but was temporarily attractive to many feminists. The last, and best relationship was after I'd learned to speak up more, and with a non-feminist. That was also the only one I let go of myself, because of basic values. We remain friends. I had zero luck with the women who didn't pursue me with subtle signals. An aspie woman probably has better odds of understanding your AS issues, but that's just one small factor.

Aspergers can present is different ways (for example with or without selective mutism). However, you may find that other characteristics have a greater importance. Humor, selfishness, religion, political views, pushiness, kindness, etc. may all have greater significance.

Another factor is what your objective is. Do you wish to marry and raise a family, or are you interested in short term flings.

Establishing a criteria filter such as only dating women who are 5' 7" tall would make dating more difficult. If you exclude or include a certain criteria, you may wish to consider if such a filter is actually going to produce the results you seek.

There are a lot of women with aspie traits out there. I'm like a magnet for them.

They're out there, but they're not very sociable. They like their hobbies. They hang out with other women. They don't spend time with men. They don't join dating sites. They go to work and they go home to their Mum and sit and watch TV. Even well into their 30s.

They exist, but meeting them will be really difficult. They keep their heads down and stay out of the way because people have hurt them and they don't want to participate in society anymore.

I have an aspie male friend whom I've introduced to loads of my aspie female friends and he makes no moves because he doesn't believe women like him. They make no moves because they don't think men like them. They meet at my house (well before the lockdown) and make no effort to keep in touch.

They'll all be single till they die.

Since autistic people only make 1% of the population worldwide, it would be a bad idea to only limit yourself to autistic women only because there are not enough of them for you to try and date one and to have a relationship with and to marry and to find one who would be compatible.

Unfortunately, it is very limiting.

I think autistic women are fantastic.
I would recommend 'capturing' one, if possible.
Good luck.

Here's an idea.
Get your friend to ask.

Or

Do the schoolyard trick.
Get him to write a note and give it to the woman, for him.

I dub thee, "Ms Cupid", the messenger of lurve.

My father "caught" one, and I think she was a huge disappointment to him. He put all the effort into the relationship, and still lost her as soon as parenting got tricky.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yes, children would be a challenge for us.
I'm impressed with aspie parents that can meet that challenge.

I was actually thinking of my circumstance, when I was younger, where there wouldn't be children.

The other thing to consider is that "your" aspie woman needs to be enlightened about what is involved in being on the spectrum.
The need for direct communication and personal away/quite time, as examples.

This is easy to answer.
You can actively seek out AS women - but keep dating NTs too.
Maximise your chances!

Here are my feelings. I don't have a lot of dating experience, and my dating experience from real life (I mean actually meeting while on a date) is that I did not know anything much about autism with these two ladies I dated when I went to date them. The second one is on the spectrum and I am wondering if the first one may have been even though she would not know.
The reason why I say this is that very few people would be interested in dating me unless they can relate to me and my unusual socially reclusive nature. (I am not exactly a recluse, but I am never going to be a natural party goer! (A quiet walk on a beach or in the country or an adventure exploring castles and going on a bicycle ride is more of my style... And if that can be done with a someone special I will feel amazing!).

My feelings are that I do not specifically look to see if I should date someone on the spectrum or not, but I need someone who can connect with me, so if I am on the spectrum or not, it is someone who I can talk to and she can talk to me. I found that my second girlfriend who was on the spectrum I could talk to and she could talk back so both of us revealed (Or felt we could reveal) our deepest thoughts. The first and last girlfriend I revealed my deepest thoughts but I felt there was a blockage when it came to them sharing their deepest thoughts back and I felt they were somewhat mirroring me to please me rather then them saying what they really felt. (I have the deepest respect for them and I do still love them even though we are no longer an item...).

The problem is I love deeply when I have found a lady I can date and connect with, as they are rare. I will never be found in a nightclub situation so most extroverted women would not find me. I rarely talk to others unless the situation presents itself where I have to speak so... Well. The chances of me talking to a woman who likes me is rare.

What I am saying is that I don't look to see if a lady is on the spectrum or not. I look for those who would want to go on a date with me. Who could trust me. Who want to be with me. And women like that I have found are soo rare... Uhmm.. To me they are better then the most precious gem. Saying that they are like gold would feel like I have been unjust to them as they are so much better.

I agree with others who said don't just look for people on the spectrum, I especially agree with Mountain Goat's idea of finding love.

I myself look for people to connect with and whether they are on the spectrum or not doesn't matter because, just cause you and your date are on the spectrum doesn't mean your chances of things working out are nescessarily better. There is also the fact that many on the spectrum are hidden and spread out across the world so even if you find one it could be someone who lives too far away for anything to really happen.

Basically it's better to find a connection with someone based on your personality, likes/dislikes, hobbies, etc. than it is to find someone based on a particular thing about them.

But, I have no dating experience so if reality is different than I'm sorry for giving you a false ideology.

I wouldn't focus on autistic women vs. non-autistic women. I'd just focus on women you know, get along with and can see regularly.

Shouldn't this be in L&D...?

^ This. Like has been said, there are way less autistic than none-autistic women, so by focusing only on the autistic ones you aren't increasing your chances, you're doing the opposite. Of course, nothing wrong with looking for autistic women, but keep your eyes open for the others, too.



Eh, stereotypes. Officially diagnosed autistic woman here. I hang out with male friends too (though I don't hang out with friends as much as average people, but sometimes I do), I joined a dating site last year (currently not using it though) and I live alone. Not even thirty yet.

Yeah, I should have qualified that it's just the women I know.

I think there's a lot of suitable women out there for the guys on this forum looking for love, but they're living lives like the boring women I know. They're just not going to meet.

I agree with the others. Look for someone you have a connection with, not just a neurotype.