Frustated about my future

Post Reply New Topic

Hello guys. I'm recently officially diagnosed, looking for some advice. After some months I discovered the autism, I've been dealing with this. Sometimes I think "well, this explains a lot my expectations and experiences" but other times I'm like "it's been 23 years living like that" and get sad.

Well, the problem is: I have never had a good sexual experience during this years (from 19-22 years old). I haven't tried so much and started late, but I always had high sensivity to touch and felt dissociated from my body during the moment that I tried. It was like I couldn't concentrate. Even kissing, hugging... It was hard for me. I started to ask my self if I really liked women, because it was strange for me.

I stopped everything and started been asexual for some years of trauma and doubts... (Depression came along the way). And everything was really hard for me: lack of friends, dating, very very introspective and shy, dislocated from everything and every group, problems with speaking, motor coordination....


Right now I'm starting a new life with the official diagnosis but I'm really really scared of the future. Anybody here lived this situation too?

Thanks for reading.

Yeah. I don't like people touching me. Touch and sound are most sensitive senses. I'm ok with my family giving me hugs most of the time but anyone else makes my skin crawl. The idea of being in a physically intimate relationship makes me sick to my stomach. If there were Jewish nuns, I would have already joined a convent. But, there are not, so I just don't date. My friends know not to hug me and if they really need a hug to ask me first and sometimes I will just to be a supportive friend. Like last week my friend's dog died and I gave her hug because she needed comfort. Did I like it? no, but I care about my friend and thats what she needed.

I though there was something wrong with me for years. I was diagnosed last year and things have started to make sense about my life now.

I dont know if you're asking if its ok to be celebate or you want a partner and don't know how to successfully have a romantic relationship.

If the first, I dont think you need to have a physical relationship to be happy. If you have people you connect with emotionally and spiritually, I believe you can have fulfilling relationships who support each other.

If the latter, maybe seeking a psychologist or doctor could help. My psychologist tells me if I meet the right person I may be able to have a physical relationship. She said it may still hurt, but she doesn't think a low pain med would be out of the question to have a healthy sex life with a partner I love. She says, if I find someone I truly connect with and have mutual love and respect I may want to challenge myself to overcome these difficulties.

I hope that helps. I dont talk about this much because people seem to think I must be miserable and try to set me up on dates, which I always decline. They don't understand that I don't need that in my life to be happy. I'm not saying if I met someone tomorrow who I felt was my soul mate I'd ignore them, i wouldn't.
I'm just not going to go out of my way to seek it because its not a priority for me.

Aspergers may not be well suited to the modern social climate of casual fornication. The more traditional practice of monogamy in marriage may be a better fit. In this situation two people can learn what works for them and can build something special and intimate over time.

The idea of building a family is building the future. However, today it can seem like swimming upstream. You may have to travel in religious or politically conservative circles to meet others who are interested in a traditional marriage and family structure.

I grew up starved for touch, and gravitated to groups with a custom of hugging. I was even encouraged to work as a masseur. Regarding romance, I never had any luck at initiating a relationship, but did learn to respond when women would take an interest in me. Unfortunately, it was always about me playing a role, not being understood, so nothing lasted, and one was a disaster.
If not for the virus, I might recommend a professional to get you past the curiosity and fumbling of virginity. Regarding the larger picture of the future, I see major chaos, and suggest that you become good at improvisation and living on less. I tried to change that all my life, but now can only apologize on behalf of my fellow, more deluded, boomers.
One Victorian gentleman summed up sex with "the pleasure is transitory, the expense is exorbitant, and the position is ridiculous."

I went through years of feeling like that, then had several sexual experiences through relationships in my twenties. I just plain don't like it. For awhile, I thought I just wasn't heterosexual, but I only feel interested and/or aroused by women. I actually used to enjoy embracing or even kissing on occasion, but the older I get, the less interested I am in even that. I like the idea of romance, but without a sexual component, it hardly seems necessary in a modern context. I would much rather have a best friend than to ever have a partner again.