The things I can never have due to my autism

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The things I can never have due to my Autism:
- Good social skills
- Friends
- Romantic Relationships
- Independent living
- Steady job

You high functioning autistics have no idea what it’s like to be at the lower end of the spectrum. Why should I try to improve myself if nothing is changing?

... if I were in your position, I’d be relying on special interests(art, sewing, writing poetry etc) to get me through this life, along with a routine I could rely upon. I’d need to be out in nature, in water, etc regularly for my mental health’s sake, I’d need to have exercise or physical therapy of some kind, and expressing myself in some way would be easential. Functioning levels can change from one day to the next for some, so I’d be careful of what goals I’d set but for the sake of quality of life, do my utmost to achieve certain minimal goals, where reasonable. I was mute for quite a few years, but I was also very determined and positive thinking in outlook. I can’t actually imagine much of a more difficult life than what I experienced, but that only made me more determined to do and achieve whatever I could.

I hope you epitomize your screen name.

If you listen to other people, like Juliette, who give good advice, you will have a better chance of success.

In what ways are you low functioning?

There may be ways for you to have some of these things.

I am considered very high functioning by other people but I also struggle very much with most of the things that you listed. Functioning levels are very tricky because they can be very deceptive. Even though I appear high functioning and can do many things that some others can't, there are things that I cannot do that people think or assume I can do because of my appearance. People expect me to be able to do those things and they punish me when I can't do them so that is very hard. There are also times when I can't function at all, like I can't even eat or walk or talk but it's hard for people to understand that because they think I can do those things all the time.

I also find that it is extremely difficult to have actual friends because even though I am high functioning in some areas, the areas in which I am underdeveloped often creep people out and so no one wants to be friends with me. I have also not ever had success at a romantic relationship. I have also never been able to keep a job or work in such a way that I could support myself financially. I was also not able to finish school. So even though I appear to be extremely high functioning, it doesn't always mean that I am.

I understand your frustration. Maybe we can help you figure out ways that you can have some of these things that you want. Sometimes a little creativity can make things happen.

And low-functioning ones have no idea what it's like to be high-functioning... you know, being autistic enough to have lots of trouble for it, but not autistic enough that society would take our troubles seriously and as something else than being lazy or difficult. Of course, us on the spectrum can also be lazy and difficult, but lots of our problems caused by autism are often put under those labels.

There's not much point in a "who has it harder" -type of talk; we all have our problems.

Same, I'd also like to add a normal life to it.

What is high functioning and what is low functioning? The definition seems to vary from person to person with no concrete specifics.

What we can probably all agree on is that most aspies, be it high functioning or low functioning have a dire social life so at least you're not alone in that sense. From there on it varies wildly.

Maybe you never received the memo from Neurodiversity.

Autism is a gift to be enjoyed rather than treated or cured so start enjoying LOL

Who needs those things anyway

Ok only joking sorry for the sarcasm.

Try to deal with your issues one at a time to see if you can improve them somehow.

Maybe see if there’s any medication to deal with any co morbids you may have would be a start.

If you 'cured' an autistic loser, you would simply gain an neurotypical loser who would be in no better position, since they still wouldn't have learned to interact with people very well.

Honestly, people act like 'social skills' are things that come innate to most human beings, rather than being learned as they grow up, learning which doesn't come as easily to autistic people even before society segregates them and makes it a lot harder to learn how to act around people. I guess we've just got to find a way to develop those underdeveloped areas, which means finding people who can tolerate immaturity...

You sure so called HFAs can only have these?

I've met some who are actually so called LFA and are more productive and successful than so called HFA.
Which gave the linear informal like label into question -- many times already.



I've noticed there are types of autistics who cannot seem to improve or change well;

-Too anxious or traumatized (too busy self soothing/too busy panicking or worried/no tolerance, sensory or otherwise/too triggered to try or ever learn)
Either due to mental health issues or due to lack of coping skills, exacerbating another like some sort of loop.

-Too developmentally delayed (point blank GDD) Supposedly the definition of LFA, where a lot of confusion in autism can also begin.

-Too complacent (attitudinally avoidant or negative/crappier emotional intelligence) HFA are actually prone to this.

-At odds with actual support availability VS support levels. (Too HFA to notice shortcomings, too LFA to notice abilities, etc.) Which can easily fester into the first point.



What I can never have due to autism?

For me to do great and terrible things my way.
The ability to act upon terrible things most especially.

me too

Exactly.

I rather do not have things mentioned above now. And also I have not had driven a car in my life, so obviously I have no driving licence. But I am just 29 years old.

I practically haven't had a pet animal in home in my life and I was not in country other than the country in which I live.

But I think that my achievements associated with life functioning may impove in the future... Now it looks quite bad. I have never had a (closer) friend, girlfriend (partner), normal job (more complicated or (and) without the need of having a disability certificate), I have not ever lived on my own, I am "odd" and "bizarre", can look as someone with very low IQ despitre having much higher. I have no "normal" life.

It's a bit upsetting to see a young person writing themselves off, in terms of what they may achieve in the future. If you get into a pattern of dwelling on all the things you may miss out on, it will not be great for your self esteem and mental health. Hope my thoughts below are helpful:

Firstly, most NTs have not achieved many of the things on your list at your age. Plus many autists are late developers who are still learning social and general living skills into their thirties and forties. Many do eventually achieve life goals. So please don't despair and give up!

Secondly, depending on how your autism presents, some of those things may indeed be out of reach, I don't wish to deny your difficulties. But you can still have a good life, on your own terms, without ticking off all of those. They are not requirements for happiness.

I would say that I am very happy despite all mental disorders. I do not have (at least serious) physical helath problems, I do not live in the area where the war is present, I am not homeless, I have own room in my home, I live closely to bus stops...

The most problematic for my nature is the lack of own wife, lack of intimate physical contact with her. It can be unpleasant mentally for me. But religion in which I believe appreciates celibacy, spouselessness, lack of sexual and even romantic experiences a lot.

Lack of other achievements is rather not unpleasant for my mentality, but it would be especially good to achieve successes in these areas.

I learned that I could do a lot of things even being on the low scale,just went and voted this morning.The only thing physical wrong is being incontinent my wife is like a care giver.