Stages Of Doing Things.

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Since I have had the last few burnouts, it took me a long time to recover from each one, and each one hit me harder then the one before, and I think this is because I had to start back working way before I was really ready. As I know it takes a long time to recover...
But apart from that and apart from what I call the "Fragile" stage, there has been an element that I found takes me ages to get back before I am right again, and this is my memory of the stages to do things.
Put it this way. I know I can do them. I have done them millions of times before (Or it feels like it!) But somehow for ages after I have had a burnout I am still effected. To add to this I have to watch I don't get shutdowns... But this memory of the stages of doing things is something that is why I can't do things that I know I can do... Or if I do do them it takes me days or months when in the past it would take less then an hour.
And it is not that I can't do them but...

Well. Put it this way. During the last burnout which hit me bad back late august to early september 2019, from the last week ir so I was in work onwards, I had moments where I was just standingin a car park as I had forgotton how to walk. I had to stand there and think how to do it! It sounds stupid! Though once I thought to put a foot forward, though I had not considered what to do next, I was able to walk because once I took the first step, though I looked like a new born deet or calf taking its first steps, my bodily memory came back to me until the next time I would forget how to walk etc.
It is this short term body co-ordination memory that had hit me and it effected everything from tasks like mending bicycles, working on trains (I LOVE my trains! (Model Railways!)), how to hold a cup etc. For six months I could not even play a video game that my nephew had (Nintendo Switch) so when I was able I was borrowing his Switch so much I eventually bought my own Switch and I only play one game... I only have one game.. A downloadable racing car game... But this has helped even if I have got a little bit hooked on it. My eye to finger co-ordination is back...
But other tasks I used to just do without thinking about I can't just go out and do them. I have to manually think about how to start the tasks and often I get mind blank and can't think.

I know I can do them. I know I am good at doing them. I just have to wait until I am ready to start the first stage, and this is what happens when I have to wait for me to be in the right mind to be ready to tackle these tasks. Once I am ready as I have spent a day or three thinking and planning I can then launch in ad do it (Usually).
But if it is something I have to do there and then as it is urgent, I have shutdown after shutdown as I am in mind overload trying to push myself to do these tasks!

I am wondering if I hit some sort of breakdown rather then a burnout? Any thoughts?

Each person’s autism and its daily impact and/or cumulative impact is individual to them. You may well have experienced a form of breakdown, and others have certainly experienced what you describe.

It must bring you peace of mind knowing that you are likely experiencing life as you do, for a specific reason.

It’s good to hear that you have gained your finger strength and agility is returning thanks to the Switch.

Recovering to a place where you can operate for as long as needed without freezing, catatonic-like again, is best sustained by acknowledging limits.

No reason at all that you can’t go on to enjoy your life from this point on, attaining goals you set for yourself.

Well. When I am right I can conquor the world! Hehe!

When I mentioned finger strength. It is wierd. I have strength but I was not able to use it? Also I would drop things because I was not grasping them tight enough or I was relaxing my grasp a bit?

Yes, like a brain to body transmission freeze ... catatonia-like alright.

Your body’s way of communicating, it is shutting down systems in order to stay afloat ... the warning light is well and truly “on” when that occurs.

Enjoy powering up again to fuller capacity and enjoying your life more. Good to hear.

I believe I had some episodes of "shutdown" and catatonia when in my late teens, following the break up of my first serious romantic relationship.

Having autism and being the intense type of personality type that I am, the break up (which wasn't a good one, and was caused by an older man who dehumanised me to her, and got her to cheat on me) did break me.

I did get similar symptoms for some time, and withdrew from the world.
After some time, I healed, but never completely.

That is what NT people don't always understand about people with ASD.
Bad break ups can really damage people with ASD, arguably more than people who are more neurologically agile such as those who are NT.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying NT people do not suffer, as I am sure everyone does and each individual is unique and perhaps the way each person deals with such bad events is unique to them.

I just think that some people with ASD get hurt easier, which I think is likely again to the neurological dysfunction that is present in people with ASD. Such as rigid thinking, black and white thinking, need for routine and consistency in life and relationships in order to prevent meltdowns etc.

Basically, I think we are damaged goods and should have "Fragile: handle with care!! !" stickers tattoo'ed on our foreheads, although that would probably draw out all the sociopaths who would then pick on us because they know we are fragile.

^^^ I agree! For many of us, we do feel far “more”, rather than less.

Very well put, mbnm.