Thankful for my ASD friends in WP

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About three days ago, i joined a Private FB group by a counselor who specializes in ASD...He is great!...I have watched his videos and listened to his audios in YouTube...I especially like his balanced perspective about neuro-diverse marriages...I thought, i may need his advice some day...Perhaps, in his FB group, i may find NTs like me who love an Aspie...And so, i dared post a couple of positive statements:

"Sometimes our Aspies apparent anger is really profound sadness for reasons we may never fully understand...Approach him from a place of kindness, understanding, compassion, and love...You'll see the difference..."

"When you make adjustments for your Aspie, please know that he was probably making adjustments for you all along"

Some NT ladies strongly agreed with me based on their positive experience with their Aspie...But i was shocked in amazement and in disbelief as others who were not in agreement with my statements bombarded me with aggressive comments...OMG!! !...And no moderator there...So, i remained as calmed as possible and i replied as respectfully as i could...Then i followed up with one last post, basically stating that when joining said group, i thought i would find a friendly audience...And thank you to those like-minds...But that frankly it never occurred to me that my happy marriage would provoke such anger from a few...That i was glad to realize that i don't belong there...And i wish them all peace, and tranquility, and happiness...

In short, I am NT but i feel safe and secure with you all wonderful people on the spectrum with whom i have much more in common...

Post Script: Of course, i never left you...And i have no intention...

I too feel safe on WP.. I know people here say that WP is a judgemental battleground but I don't think so (and I stay away from PPR). I find people here are less judgemental and more forgiving than some other forums I have been on, and I don't feel awkward or embarrassed to create new threads. I've been here 11 years now and I am not willing to leave any time soon.

I'm sorry about your bad experience on the other forum, I think some people just can't handle the fact that NT/Aspie relationships can succeed, and they so badly want to prove you wrong.

Yes, stick around here and feel free to express yourself. I know there are plenty of NTs like you that take the time to understand autistics.

I haven't been around long yet, but I feel safe here too. And ^^ that's a good point, I might feel less "safe" if I spent much time in PPR. But the other bits of WP are so much less judgmental than other forums I've been on. The other forum I am a member of (not an ASD one) is the most laid-back, nonjudgmental forum of its type that I've ever seen, but it's still... not here. Not like this. I don't feel comfortable "being myself" on there, really. I feel like I have to super-edit every post, make sure I don't come off wrong. Some of this is leftover trauma from a very bad experience in a very toxic forum, so there's that in there too, but I still can't be fully "me" anywhere else. I'm thankful for the great people here too.

I hope I’m an okay guy, and don’t come across as being judgmental.

Clueless2017. Are you sure you are an NT? Did you know that it is common for people on the spectrum who may not know it to be attracted to others on the spectrum who may or may not know it, where they then fall in love and get married.
While many are NT's who are very likely to be the hostile ones because they simply do not understand how to be caring towards people who are different to how they are, you may find that the sympathetic ones are the ones who have strong autism traits and may not know they could be on the spectrum themselves?

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 09 Jan 2021, 12:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Thank you Joe...When i refer to my friends here, i thought of you...

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You are great!...You are on my favorites list...Especially because of your stories with your wife... ...You give me HOPE

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I am not on the spectrum by any stretch of the definition...But if someone who knew me well in person suggested it to me, i would take it as a huge compliment...Because i perceive that many of you on the spectrum retain something many NTs lose in their life's journey: Desirable child-like qualities like innocence, compassion, and humility...Beautiful qualities i see in my beloved Aspie husband, and so many more...

I may not be on the same wave-length with most of you as i have already been told here in WP...Still, i share with you that which is most important to me: My true love for my Aspie husband, in the form of my personal anecdotes, mostly positive...I know that you all want my marriage to be successful...I perceive this in your positive feedback...Most importantly, i learn so-o-o much from your stories here that, without knowing, you have helped me to better understand and to better love my beloved Aspie husband...Thank you for this...I will be forever indebted to you all...

What i experienced yesterday in that FB group of NT females in a relationship with an Aspie was like a mob who avalanched against me...Because my story with my beloved Aspie did not match their story, they immediately resented me...It is not my fault that they have failed to educate themselves on ASD...They are apparently more preoccupied with being right instead of salvaging their relationship...They are there to vent about the inadequacies of their Aspies...And by supporting each other, they perpetuate their misery instead of beginning the healing process...Some of them were discussing divorce...Divorce after 23 or 33 years of marriage...And blaming ASD... That is well beyond my comprehension...That is truly ridiculous!! !...I am glad i remembered a study that showed divorce is contagious...And so, i immediately left the group, and i plan to stay away from any such groups...

I just don't belong there; i belong here, with you all my friends in WP...

Yes, NTs can be very difficult to understand sometimes...

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I am sorry if i generalized that forum...But that how it felt to me...A gang of bitter female NT madness with a few exceptions like me...

It doesn't mean she's not NT. There are many NTs out there that do feel empathy for those of us on the spectrum, but it doesn't make them less NT.

She uses way to many ellipses to be autistic. All the NT women who come here use copious ellipses. And too many flashing emojis. I find them distracting.

You might like autismforums.com as well. I find the user base is a bit older and more experienced than on WP. I'm not trying to push you away, just suggesting you could get a broader range of input if you have a discussion on there too.

I can't blame you. They really are not trying if they are quoting divorce and expecting the autistic person to change. Change has to come both ways and the autistic person has a harder time to change so it has to be the allistic person who needs to compensate the most in this regards to make it work.
If their marriages are not working they have themselves to blame because they knew the character of the person they were marrying before they got married. If they did not then can only blame their own stupidity!
I do realize that marriages are not easy and they need attention and need to be worked on to survive.
A marriage between an NT and an autistic person can work extremely well because both parties can (And should) support each other to cover each others weaknesses, and exploit each others strengths. A marriage where both parties are the same with the same characteristics of character don't often work so well because they are too similar.
I totally agree that to have a support group for NT's who have autistic husbands needs to concentrate on making marriages work. It is for support so one can cope through the tough times. The group is obviously failing if there is constant talk about divorce. They need to meet for solutions.

What is an ellipse?

Here is the definition.

It really irritates me when people type more than 3 dots. Anne Gables uses about 10 in a row................

I found this interesting article about why old people use ellipses so copiously.

Why… do old people… text… like this…? An investigation…

Women are liable to use a lot of ellipses so as not to look too aggressive when presenting ideas. It introduces a pause into the sentence. Aspie women are more likely to shoot from the hip.

My OP, you have committed a unwritten relationship crime of being tolerant and having happiness in your marriage towards an aspie. How dare you.