Small Steps.

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How does one explain to someone who does not understand what it is like to try to recover from a serious burnout (Which may have been a breakdown... I don't know) that one can't do "Small steps" until ones ready and through experience, I can only take the small steps when I am ready because many times I have tried taking the small steps before I am ready which is why I kept hitting these situations and they got worse and worse...
I know small steps are needed, but they need to be done when one is ready to take them. I know that I can't force these things. It is because I kept trying to force myself to do these small steps before I was ready that I hit the last few burnout/breakdown situations so hard, especially the last one which to be honest, scared me.
Those who have not been in this situation simply do not understand the stress of being told to take small steps and wonder why I am soo wound up about it.
It is not that their advice is not good. It is that one has to be ready to take small steps before one can take them and I am taking my own small steps, but when I am ready to take them, because I know that these small steps have to be done in my own time. The reason why I keep stepping backwards rather then making forward progress is because I keep being forced into situations by others where I have to help them when I am not ready and people think I am being mean when I can't just go ahead and do the things I used to do to help them.
They do not understand and I do not know how to explain to them.
It is not that these things are things I do not know how to do. They ask me because they do not know how and I know how. It is that I have to do things in my own time with no pressure over a period of time so that I avoid all stress.

I am caught in a situation where I may have had a breakdown back in september of 2020, but the only way to tell is to go through the autism assessment (As from what I understand that the autism team also specialize in other mental health conditions so if they see something they then refer me to whoever deals with that issue. As otherwize I may be waiting even longer to be seen then it they saw me. My brother has been waiting twelve years for emergency suicide counselling which he has not had yet and his doctor does not know when it will be. So the few years wait for an autism assessment is a quicker route to take if I am found not to be on the spectrum... But to be honest, I have quite a few traits, especially with the shutdowns, so it sometimes seems hard to comprehend that it may not be a form of autism now that I know what I know if that makes sense?

But regardless of this, trying to explain to others who give good advice but do not understand that one has to be ready on good days to take the small steps, and on other days one has to relax and not try to make those steps is difficult as they seem to think I should force myself to take small steps, and I really really know through experience that forcing myself makes me in a far worse position then I was before I tried.

I am trying to make forward progress. I actually like the thought of independence (Financially speaking) and I really really struggled on and on foe years forcing myself so I would not have to rely on the government to survive, and it is because I kept pushing and pushing to try to survive on my own two feet when I should have said "Help" a long time ago, that I ended up having such a hard hitting burnout/breakdown experience (Whatever it was that I went through).

Sorry for having a moan. I find stress relief through writing this. I do not mind sharing my thoughts. It gives me relief, so I can compose myself again and start to move forward. I would like to make a quick recovery. I do want to be back right again. Back to where I was when I could tackle things without thinking about it and be able to work and just keep going at whatever I was doing without the constant need to only do little bits and leave the rest for another day like I am doing now.

I am spending time in playing computer games which is progress, as last summer I could not do that. My hand to eye co-ordination was not quick enough or accurate enough to do it back then. So I know it sounds stupid, but these two games I play have been improving me. I do admit that I am a little addicted! Haha. But at least I know that I have made quite a bit of progress to do that.

This is a complex issue as mentioned before, unless they walk in your shoes and experience that same mind/body adverse reaction, they will struggle to grasp it. Whoever expects you to take these small steps, no doubt means well. It can be difficult for the observer to just accept what to them might seem “invisible and purely psychological blocking”.

Just as you would respect others who tell you they’re simply not up to the task today, they will need to accept that you will make progress within your own time frame. You were a hard worker and very skilled. It wouldn’t be surprising for anyone who’s experienced what you’ve gone through, to want to avoid pushing yourself forward out of fear that the same could happen again. You know yourself better than anyone else. If your body is sending out the message that it cannot cope with what is being asked of it, clearly you are not ready to take those steps. You might feel more ready and able, once finally assessed and you’ve processed it all. Knowing your father’s history, you are right to tread carefully with your mental/physical health and limits.

Thanks.