Perhaps contributing factors of my masking skills

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SharonB
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05 Mar 2021, 3:58 pm

There is ability and there is effort (and environmental factors etc). Let's presume I have the ability (whatever that is) ---- I just looked at my college transcript for the first time in decades and can see I made the effort. At the time I was undiagnosed so assumedly followed my instinct as to what I needed. Now that I am diagnosed with ASD, my course selection is almost laughable (in the hysterical, ironic way).

While earning my Engineering degree (I won't bore you with those course names), I also took:
"English: Women... and Politics"
"Psychology: Knowledge and Reasoning"
"Theatre: Introduction to Acting"
"Psychology: Psychology of Visual Communication"
"Theater: Rehearsal and Performance"
"Psychology: Human Perceptions"
"Women's: Social Construction of Gender"
"Communication: Theories of Human Communication"
(then I took a foreign language my senior year to secure an NT husband for a multicultural relationship)

So basically, I double majored in Engineering and "How to be get by in a Neurotypical World". How could nobody see that?



SharonB
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05 Mar 2021, 10:25 pm

P.S. The word I was looking for was "opportunity" as part of environmental factors that are outside our control. I am well aware that each of us has different circumstances, for better or worse --- moment for perspective and compassion.

BTW - I could take school courses and do as instructed, but I required assistance to grocery shop, to buy stamps, to fill out forms, etc... today even I had to hold the phone away whenever I started crying uncontrollably while a government employee helped me fill out a form that had three questions. We didn't finish b/c I hadn't allowed enough time before another commitment. Lopsided skills R us.

Even though I studied to be a "passable" human woman, I struggle with moderate to severe anxiety near Every Single Day. Ability and effort got me this far, and now I'm stuck in the middle of NT land with some kind of "ASD masking" PTSD. For better or worse...