Do you ever wonder if you make a desirable friend??

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Pepe
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28 Feb 2021, 10:59 pm

TenMinutes wrote:
Danusaurus wrote:
Do you ever wonder if you make a desirable friend??


Based on my lack of success, I assume I do not. I recently let someone convince me otherwise and it has been nothing but a mindf*ck. The words that came out of their mouth said I was a super friend, but by action, I was rejected over and over. I cannot figure out what the hell they were up to, and that has been a source of anxiety, frustration and humiliation. I can't rule out malice.


There is a lot of that going around.
But then, nothing ventured, nothing gained. [shrug]



Dear_one
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01 Mar 2021, 3:00 am

Pepe wrote:
Dear_one wrote:
When I was meeting more people, it wasn't too uncommon for someone to confide in me. For example, my physiotherapist used to tell me all about her business plans, but not her other clients. I suspect that I seemed unlikely to criticize or gossip, and that talking helped clarify thoughts for them.


Were you paying her for her time while she confided in you?


No, the insurance covered that, and she kept working while we talked. Physio is boring and slightly painful, so interesting conversation is welcome.



Fern
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01 Mar 2021, 10:55 pm

Danusaurus wrote:
So I often sometimes think about someday actually being capable of having friends for me as I am and if I have any qualities others would want in a friend.. I mean yeah I guess there's interests shared etc but also with other dynamics as most people seem to be far more complex than just interests shared between people. I doubt that I have much if anything appealing to others in the sense of being a likeable person who would be worthy of befriending and am always on the outside of such circles and think it's more than just the fact of being autistic.. if you have IRL friends do you find you are liked for reasons other than just what you share in common and how you met and stuff. :|


I often wonder if I am a desirable friend. I have lots of friends, but I don't tend to be anyone's best friend. Most of my friends have someone else they'd go to before me I think. Over the years I think I've learned to just be able to deal with that though, because, well, what else am I going to do about it?



Noca
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02 Mar 2021, 12:36 am

I don't make a good friend, I don't cope well with social obligations, and require a lot of alone time to recharge. My social skills aren't great, I don't have much to say most of the time in order to make any prolonged conversation. My friends I do have are tolerable of my shortcomings. They aren't NT's either, simply because that's just who I seem to be able to make friends with, two of them have AS which I didn't know until years after our friendship started.

auntblabby wrote:
i am pretty lousy at consoling/comforting another living sentient being.


I have this issue too.



Pepe
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02 Mar 2021, 12:51 am

Noca wrote:
I don't make a good friend, I don't cope well with social obligations, and require a lot of alone time to recharge. My social skills aren't great, I don't have much to say most of the time in order to make any prolonged conversation. My friends I do have are tolerable of my shortcomings. They aren't NT's either, simply because that's just who I seem to be able to make friends with, two of them have AS which I didn't know until years after our friendship started.

auntblabby wrote:
i am pretty lousy at consoling/comforting another living sentient being.


I have this issue too.


[comfort] :mrgreen: