Too Quiet

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Do people think you don't like them because you don't know what to say and don't talk much?

I have had this a lot since I moved to the area I live in now. When I lived in a different UK county people ocassionally didn't mentioned my quietness by asking if I was ok but cause no problem over it, however, since I being in the new place, if I don't chat to people incessently they think I don't like them or that it is a symptom of mental illness.

I simply have nothing to say and can't cope with the pressure of having to make a lot of social chit chat about up to date trends I don't follow and the local gossip, they are not really my particular subjects. Not that I can't have my chatty moments but its usually when I am excited over something or when a topic of interest or concern comes up.

Does anyone else have the same sort of problem?

An NT friend of mine observed that initially I was "standoffish". (I'm a chatterbox otherwise.) My NT husband said about my cousin that she was "standoffish". I was simply quiet and observing as I am in new social situations. My cousin was the kindest person but very depressed. Typical example of NTs seeing body language and assigning a meaning like "stay away". Really it just meant "approach with care". I can see body language better than many NTs (contrary to AS stereotype), but unlike NTs I do not assume I know what the person means by it. I've had wonderful conversations with "standoffish", quiet, and even mute people. I have also had many times when I am the person who's "standoffish", quiet or even mute. So, yes... I have problems being "too quiet" and I have problems being "too chatty" (sharing too much information or being too loud). Just can't seem to win with some people. Maybe clarify --- "I'm just taking it all in..."

I have no idea. My guess is that they don't even wonder about my opinion. In general, the noisy people consider the quiet people to be fascinated with their eloquence.

Yes.

This is me in any new social setting. Unless there is a clear social script to fall back on, I have to spend the first couple hours around new people observing how they interact. Every group is different and I have to get a feel for the vibe before I can confidently speak up.

yes it happened to me. people thought that i thought i was better than them because i was a quiet person. i guess people don't trustquiet people too much, because humans are social animals, and anyone that isn't very sociable is usually considered as a threat from and evolutionary point of view. if you want them to view you in another light, you have to change your attitude and become more sociable, in other words you have to adapt.

Quiet is much less a problem if you appear to be listening. Rather counterintuitively, if you listen to someone without objecting, they think that they know YOU better.

I've found this to be reality too.

I'm usually quiet in social situations. Sometimes people ask if I'm okay. I don't socialize without someone I know well with me, and I do have sensory issues. When people ask me if I am alright, I assume they are wanting to know if I need to get out of there, wherever there might be, so I don't have some problems. I'm not always okay in public, so it's a valid concern for me.

Yeah, mine isn't likely that people think I'm standoffish or dislike them. It's more likely a concern for my well being.

And I can relate to not having things to say. I have no interest in gossip, I don't keep up with trends or the news or much of anything outside my own life and interests. I can't jump in on tv or movie talk since I don't watch those things. I have little to contribute to small talk. I can get talkative too if a topic of interest comes up, but those are few and far between since my interests don't seem that commonplace.

My default is to do my best to listen and maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to better understand another human being and their views on whatever.

Actually I saw a SciFi movie called "Chaos Walking" in which that subject was interwoven in the plot line. Essentially the plot was about a large spacecraft that crash landed on a planet. The planet affected the males by making all their thoughts audible but did not affect the females. In one area of the planet the males felt threatened by the females because they perceived the females of hiding their thoughts and as a result they killed them off.

So viewing the question from this movie perspective, some people are threatened by the quiet ones. They cannot read their thoughts, so therefore they assume they are hiding something on purpose and have evil intents towards them.

Not really, not anymore at least. In my opinion thinking that you don't like them does not come from being too quiet but mainly from the body language such as bad eye contact, ventral denial, defensive position of hands and body posture.