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27 Jul 2007, 12:46 pm

Does anyone else have troubles with this too? I think it's an aspie thing because I can remember Laine Holliday Willey writing something about it in her Pretending to be Normal book.

Everytime I try to fix my problems or try to solve them, I seem to make it worse because people get mad, get pissed off, etc. The problems still don't go away.

I don't even try to fix them on my own in real life because I'm afraid I would just make it worse or I don't do anyhting about it at all. Instead I talk to my mother and she tells me what to do and how to solve it and it seems to always work. Must be an NT super power to know how to solve problems.


Edit:

Due to some confusion about the meaning of Problem Solving, see my reply below seven replies down.



Last edited by likedcalico on 27 Jul 2007, 2:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.

poopylungstuffing
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27 Jul 2007, 12:47 pm

Give an example of a problem.....



2ukenkerl
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27 Jul 2007, 1:13 pm

likedcalico,

Actually, AS people are supposed to be good at solving problems as a group. I am. As a computer programmer/consultant, that is my job.



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27 Jul 2007, 1:18 pm

Yes, I always ask for the avice of an NT to solve my problems. My own solutions never work because of the same reasons you cite.


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27 Jul 2007, 1:23 pm

likedcalico wrote:
Does anyone else have troubles with this too? I think it's an aspie thing because I can remember Laine Holliday Willey writing something about it in her Pretending to be Normal book.

Everytime I try to fix my problems or try to solve them, I seem to make it worse because people get mad, get pissed off, etc. The problems still don't go away.

I don't even try to fix them on my own in real life because I'm afraid I would just make it worse or I don't do anyhting about it at all. Instead I talk to my mother and she tells me what to do and how to solve it and it seems to always work. Must be an NT super power to know how to solve problems.


Well, in some situations, yes I am horrible.

Example (and let me know if this is sorta what you mean)

I miss the little unspoken hint that my gf wants me to sweep the floor. She gets mad and gets the stuff herself and starts sweeping. I feel terrible and ask her to hand me the broom, I will sweep i have no problem with it. Especially if I am not having a jerky day. She gets madder and asks me "why do you always try to solve the problem when its already happened? Why do you have to wait for someone to say something to you? Next time you want to solve something you think you did wrong, do it in your own time."

This leaves me confused because all she had said was "the floor needs to be swept, I think I will do it tomorow." two days before the fact. i took this as "I want to sweep the floor tomorow." No? Not at "I would like the floor to be swept and I wonder if you will do it because I pointed out that the floor needs to be swept."



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27 Jul 2007, 1:37 pm

Tempy,

The problem you state is one LOTS of NT males have! Her behaviour is normal for an NT female, and always confusing. Still, SHE is at fault, NOT you! She said she would take care of it, and expected you to relieve her of the burden. If you DID clean, she might have accused you of doing it wrong, and done it herself and would have STILL been angry, EVEN if she did it the same way YOU were!! !



Last edited by 2ukenkerl on 31 Jul 2007, 7:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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27 Jul 2007, 1:50 pm

I love giving good advice when I see that someone has a problem and is going to solve it. I get angry when I realize that person doesn't follow my advice - I always advise how things should be done using logical reasoning and I am unhappy finding out that people behave illogically. I KNOW it's me who has the best ideas how to solve a problem 8) Of the same reason I hate it when someone tries to advise me something because a way of performance HAS TO be done just as I want, by no means it can't be advised by someone else.



27 Jul 2007, 1:59 pm

I don't know how to explain problem solving. I didn't mean math or computers. I meant life in general like you make a mistake like you upset someone or you did something wrong and you try to fix it.


Atomika spammed another forum I go to and everyone was given the ability to delete any post and that button was for to delete the spam bot posts and spam bot threads by that dude and I used it to remove my diaper threads and posts that talk about diapers because it caused problems on that forum last month and I was trying to make thigss right by removing it all but instead it pissed people off so I lost the delete button option. Now anyone who wants that option has to contact the mods on the forum to have the delete button all thanks to me.


When I was 18, I was involved in a drama because I kept defending myself against two teens who kept attacking me. So someone on the forum created an alternate forum and said for anyone who wants to get away from us three can go to his forum and post there and us three won't be allowed to post there. I didn't care at first because it's just another forum but then i did start to care because everyone left the forum and went to the other even though the drama ended. So I try to bring everyone back to the forum by going around to the other forums and yahoo groups and telling everyone to spam it. People got mad and told me to grow up even the person who created the new forum thought it was a game I was playing and I was pissed. I spammed the forum myself but people still didn’t leave it and the owner of the forum kept deleting the spam anyway and he even made someone a mod there to help him with the forum.


At my last job when I was 20, some lady there from Thailand thought I said to her she didn't speak very good english so I got in trouble for the misunderstanding. I thought she lied about me on purpose so I wanted to get even with her to show her she messed with the wrong person so she wouldn't f**k with me again but i didn't know what to do about the situation so I talked to my mother about it and she told me all i had to do was talk to my boss and I had to write everything on paper I wanted to say since I tend to not be able to get words out when I am nervous.

That is problem solving. Knowing how to handle situations you're in and how to act and how to fix it.



Last edited by likedcalico on 27 Jul 2007, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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27 Jul 2007, 2:27 pm

yes wich is probably why i still live with my ret*d mom


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27 Jul 2007, 2:35 pm

It can be hard because you don't always know what to do.


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27 Jul 2007, 3:42 pm

likedcalico wrote:
I don't know how to explain problem solving. I didn't mean math or computers. I meant life in general like you make a mistake like you upset someone or you did something wrong and you try to fix it.


Atomika spammed another forum I go to and everyone was given the ability to delete any post and that button was for to delete the spam bot posts and spam bot threads by that dude and I used it to remove my diaper threads and posts that talk about diapers because it caused problems on that forum last month and I was trying to make thigss right by removing it all but instead it pissed people off so I lost the delete button option. Now anyone who wants that option has to contact the mods on the forum to have the delete button all thanks to me.


When I was 18, I was involved in a drama because I kept defending myself against two teens who kept attacking me. So someone on the forum created an alternate forum and said for anyone who wants to get away from us three can go to his forum and post there and us three won't be allowed to post there. I didn't care at first because it's just another forum but then i did start to care because everyone left the forum and went to the other even though the drama ended. So I try to bring everyone back to the forum by going around to the other forums and yahoo groups and telling everyone to spam it. People got mad and told me to grow up even the person who created the new forum thought it was a game I was playing and I was pissed. I spammed the forum myself but people still didn’t leave it and the owner of the forum kept deleting the spam anyway and he even made someone a mod there to help him with the forum.


At my last job when I was 20, some lady there from Thailand thought I said to her she didn't speak very good english so I got in trouble for the misunderstanding. I thought she lied about me on purpose so I wanted to get even with her to show her she messed with the wrong person so she wouldn't f**k with me again but i didn't know what to do about the situation so I talked to my mother about it and she told me all i had to do was talk to my boss and I had to write everything on paper I wanted to say since I tend to not be able to get words out when I am nervous.

That is problem solving. Knowing how to handle situations you're in and how to act and how to fix it.


OH, I didn't mean computers EITHER! That IS my job, but I can also use computers to solve mundane problems. I have also set up pulleys, fulcrums, etc... to solve mechanical ones, provided ways to clean things, etc.... NOW, as to your delete problem??????

One major corporation. I won't say the name, but it is likely you ALL know the name. I started to describe it VAGUELY, but even doing THAT gives it away.

Anyway, they INSISTED that people bring their own computers. SO I DID! Well, I had a need, to help someone else with THEIR problem, to enable a program. At the time, people WORLD WIDE had problems with something. I know of companies that had email servers down for WEEKS because of it. Well, I succumed to this problem, which I quickly fixed. The company got a few complaints from OTHERS that were susceptible, and I was told to disconnect my computer.

*****NOW***** that company insists NOBODY use their own computers, and *I* am blamed for the new rule.

Is that because I can't solve problems? ***NOPE***! I solved it BEFORE I knew about it(the person needing help required me to open it up again) and, after finding out, quickly applied the patch. Want to blame someone????? BLAME MICROSOFT, or the exploiter! BTW that exploiter could find s/he has to pay MILLIONS, and may end up in JAIL!

As for the idea about the letter? People HERE, including MYSELF, have suggested that. Frankly though, you SHOULD have someone bowdlerize the letter.



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27 Jul 2007, 4:10 pm

I try to keep in mind that my actions do have a domino effect; I even picture the dominos as situations in my head. It helps me see others feel as a result of my action.

The golden rule, Treat Others as You Would Treat Yourself, is one I try to remember, too.