calling out looks of boredom in others?

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Jayo
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02 Nov 2021, 8:01 pm

Despite our inborn lack of socio-emotional intuition, which we have to cultivate through conscious practice and repetition, I think there are a few facial expressions that we've come to know well...especially for those of us who've learned to mask as NT...and one of those is boredom. In my mind's eye, I can recall instances where someone appeared bored but I missed it, or overlooked it, and didn't "switch gears". Later, as I learned about my diagnosis if I happened to catch someone appearing bored during some interaction with them, I'd say "you seem bored" - but the response nine times out of 10 was "no...I'm not bored" (mostly from females, no surprise) - and then I'd take that as a cue to switch it up, change topics or suggested activity like if on a date. I'd already avoided one-sided conversations or factual monologues and such, even pre-diagnosis in 2001 before I'd even heard of Aspergers....so I was ahead of myself in a way, I had some limited insight into how I was off-putting to others and seen as "different" in my unmasked form.

But seriously folks: how bad is it really to ADMIT that you're bored??
I admit I'm guilty of it myself, when people have told me that I seem bored - I weakly denied it, but at least I wasn't the blunt stereotypical Aspie who said "yeah, I'm bored, this is dumb, let's talk about something else" - I had enough social insight to NOT do that.

All things considered, I think one trait we ASD/HFA folks have in general is that we're very reluctant to connect other peoples' negative non-verbal signs to US or to OUR behaviour... while we have the capacity to recognize non-verbals in others and how they might be feeling, we don't tend to seamlessly connect the behaviour with ourselves, and maybe this is a sort of face-saving maneouvre because of the emotional hurt we've been through from rejection and whatnot. Some NT folk might consider this narcissistic, some might be thinking "weirdo alert", because from their perspective they would think any normal person can tell if they're the ones instilling negative emotions in others because they intuitively know not to act in a certain off-putting way. Kind of like bullies who intentionally know and look for negative emotions in others so that they can validate their actions are "successful". :evil:



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03 Nov 2021, 4:03 am

Noticing and understanding when someone is bored is easy for me. It's obeying that's the tricky part, especially when the subject is so interesting to me that I must get off my chest, whether the other person likes it or not. :lol:


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timf
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03 Nov 2021, 6:47 am

It may be an advantage to work into your masking the habit of being succinct. This prevents taxing someone beyond their attention span. If they are interested, they can ask questions or pose a responsive comment. This can be difficult because Aspergers people can have a lot to say.

It can help if you develop the skill to be succinct to also develop the ability to make wry comments that intrigue others and draw them in to ask questions.



DuckHairback
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03 Nov 2021, 9:46 am

I tend to miss when I'm boring people because I'm not looking at their faces.

But I also feel like there's been occasions where I'm aware I'm boring someone and my reaction isn't "Oh, I'm boring this person, I should shut up," but instead, "Dammit, I haven't explained well enough why this is interesting, better keep going until they get it."



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03 Nov 2021, 10:12 am

Sometimes I can see if someone's bored if I actually paid attention.

But since I'm not the most considerate of people, I prefer to frustrate them enough until they say it out loud that it bores them or leave. :twisted:

This isn't a common phenomena for me. I have a strong leeway over people who are not interested over what I say or do.
Unless it's serious or urgent enough to need their input...

Probably because I don't expect people to be interested on anything I say or do and I let everyone know it.
And because I likely get bored from someone than the other way around. :lol:


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_cora_
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03 Nov 2021, 12:19 pm

I can always tell when my sister's bored, because she always is. I often know that others are bored, and call them out on it, then they're like "oh I'm not bored" like b***h you are, you've already told me that you don't want to hear my boat genetics lecture again. :lol:
I can pick up on social cues, I just decide to ignore them, and continue talking about the only interesting thing I can stand without screaming and running out of the room because my sister's idea of conversation is sitting and saying nothing.
I always want to talk about myself or ships. I always shift the conversation back to ships. I know it may be boring to others, but I NEED someone to talk to about it. I can't just hold in all my excitement! :)



kraftiekortie
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03 Nov 2021, 12:21 pm

LOL....what's "boat genetics"?



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03 Nov 2021, 12:39 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
LOL....what's "boat genetics"?



Okay so I made up this entire universe about ships, because they're great. The ships are like actual ships but they're also humans at the same time. So I thought about how boat genetics would be. I had already decided that in this universe, the child of a ship and submarine would create a new hybrid, the "semi-submarine", basically meaning they're a ship that can transform into a submarine. Then I started thinking about what would happen if a battleship and a cruise ship had a baby. Would it be, like, a half battleship? How would that work? And would that even be useful? In addition, what would happen if all ships and submarines mated, leaving only semi-submarines? Would there ever be a way to reproduce and have ships and submarines again?
This might make no sense at all, because I know nothing about actual genetics. But obviously I want them to have kids, to further add to the drama and chaos of the current rebellion, but I can't design any kids without understanding how ship genetics would work, so that's my current conversation topic until I can get it figured out.
I could make an entire separate post talking about the ship universe. I have expanded on it so much and it has turned into an entire thing. I'm actually making a website on it right now.



kraftiekortie
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03 Nov 2021, 12:54 pm

That's really pretty nifty! :)

You should go on YouTube, and see if there are cartoons where cars and planes have kids. Hanna Barbera, in the early days, used to make these sorts of cartoons.



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03 Nov 2021, 1:52 pm

Me and my BFF made up a long story ages ago about money genetics. It was basically that coins dropped on the sideways would grow up to become ATM machines, and dropped bills would grow up to be credit cards. The mating process is obvious. I don't remember if we figured out why all the offspring are bills...

As for submarines mating with battleships etc, I'd think that the offspring would be sterile, kind of like mules.

/Mats


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shortfatbalduglyman
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03 Nov 2021, 4:57 pm

Not everyone finds the same thing interesting

"Interesting" is not always a good thing. Some precious lil "people" use "interesting", when they do not like something, but they don't want to be negative.

Sometimes boredom is not a bad thing. I tend to be obsessive compulsive disorder. Many would find it boring. But my worthless corpse finds comfort in routine

When I was 16, the community college psychology instructor said "you okay, (my female name)? I ain't boring nobody". The instructor might have misinterpreted my facial expressions. Or maybe I was bored. But she did not have to take it as a personal insult. She did not invent psychology. Besides, in some university lessons, the classroom is so large, the instructor can't see every customer in the room anyways. (At 16, I was still undiagnosed for autism). (21 diagnosed)


Last year, at a job interview for Groundskeeper, the Groundskeeper was telling me a lot of statements and suddenly said "you don't seem interested". "I'm interested", I answered. He seemed satisfied with that answer. He did not offer me a job, but that could be for a lot of reasons



Sometimes when you are trying to accomplish something, you have to do a lot of things that are not that interesting. For example if you are trying to cook, no matter how much you love cooking and how great you are at cooking, you still have to wash dishes



Sometimes someone might look bored to you, but you might be misinterpreting their nonverbal communication


Sometimes someone might not look bored to you, but they might be putting on a facade or farce.



Sometimes someone is just not interested in the same things as you


Sometimes someone just does not want to interact with you personally (specifically)



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03 Nov 2021, 5:17 pm

Most people don't notice someone else is bored unless it's very obvious, but they factually know what makes others bored and what doesn't, like knowing that others aren't interested in the same thing you're interested in.

I say this because I've seen NTs ramble on about something another NT doesn't look interested in. Like one time my aunt kept talking about a party she'd been to the day before, and even I could see that my mum seemed bored or disinterested, but my aunt seemed oblivious to my mum's bored expression, probably because she expected my mum would be interested. My aunt wasn't drunk or anything, she just sounded like she enjoyed the party so much that she just had to talk about it.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Nov 2021, 5:22 pm

Just like we "Aspies" just have to talk about our "special interests." We have such a good time pursuing them. It's rather like a "party" for us.



funeralxempire
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03 Nov 2021, 5:25 pm

_cora_ wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
LOL....what's "boat genetics"?



Okay so I made up this entire universe about ships, because they're great. The ships are like actual ships but they're also humans at the same time. So I thought about how boat genetics would be. I had already decided that in this universe, the child of a ship and submarine would create a new hybrid, the "semi-submarine", basically meaning they're a ship that can transform into a submarine. Then I started thinking about what would happen if a battleship and a cruise ship had a baby. Would it be, like, a half battleship? How would that work? And would that even be useful? In addition, what would happen if all ships and submarines mated, leaving only semi-submarines? Would there ever be a way to reproduce and have ships and submarines again?
This might make no sense at all, because I know nothing about actual genetics. But obviously I want them to have kids, to further add to the drama and chaos of the current rebellion, but I can't design any kids without understanding how ship genetics would work, so that's my current conversation topic until I can get it figured out.
I could make an entire separate post talking about the ship universe. I have expanded on it so much and it has turned into an entire thing. I'm actually making a website on it right now.


I think you'd have to entirely abandon any attachment to how things work in the real world, otherwise you'd have to think of what genes contribute which traits and how they express and which ones are incompatible, etc.

Using your cruise ship x battleship idea, you could end up with a cruise ship with magazines and turrets, or an armoured cruise ship or a battleship with missing turrets/magazines but way more space for sleeping, not to mention how different their hulls are; battleships tend to be designed for speed and strength, cruise ships are designed for neither - even compared to ocean liners cruise ships aren't very strong or fast because they're less likely to operate in open seas and because they're not used primarily as transportation. So, there's a few ways those traits could be combined.

It's a lot easier to just imagine something up without trying to systematize how the mixture occurred because at the end of the day it's mostly rule of cool.

Of course, you could ask r/worldbuilding


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kraftiekortie
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03 Nov 2021, 5:28 pm

Who knows----perhaps you could end up with a 1 plus 1 equals 3 sort of situation.

A battleship and a paddleboat giving birth to a yacht.



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03 Nov 2021, 5:33 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Who knows----perhaps you could end up with a 1 plus 1 equals 3 sort of situation.

A battleship and a paddleboat giving birth to a yacht.


You keep yer battleship away from my canoe. :x

Image

:lol: (yes, that's a very big shotgun in that boat, called a punt gun)


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