Was my friends ex taking advantage of his Autism ?

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Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 7:36 pm

My friend who is high functioning was dating this girl ( who I suspect knew he had it) but never out right told him she knew, so I think.

She would always change the date of hanging out to like 3 days later, and then the day of hanging out she would change it to like 9pm instead of 6pm, she would do this all the time and even told him she knows he likes knowing
the exact time and day they are hanging out but that is just the way she is.

She is also a narcissist by the way. Displayed major love bombing (going out on trips) and then pulling back
when they feel they "have u on a string"



Fnord
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13 Dec 2021, 7:54 pm

Not likely … that is just how some people behave.



kraftiekortie
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13 Dec 2021, 7:58 pm

That sounds rather cuckoo to me....

If we're going to hang out at 6 PM, it better be 6 PM, unless you send me a message in advance asking to change the time.



Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 8:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
That sounds rather cuckoo to me....

If we're going to hang out at 6 PM, it better be 6 PM, unless you send me a message in advance asking to change the time.


The thing with her is she knew he likes knowing a time he is doing something ( apparently an aspie trait )
and would constantly do the opposite of it

For example

Say I tell you "hey Tuesday at 7pm, meet me at the basketball court"
Tuesday comes around and I text you," hey I can't come Tuesday lets make it Thursday at 7pm instead"
Then Thursday comes and I say " Hey lets make it at 9:30pm"

I eventually do show up to hang each and every time but I throw those curve balls each time we do it



Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 8:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Not likely … that is just how some people behave.

maybe just the case of a narcissists being a narcissist



kraftiekortie
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13 Dec 2021, 8:03 pm

I wouldn't want a friend like that....



Fnord
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13 Dec 2021, 8:04 pm

Her behavior just seems “flaky” to me, and is not at all unusual whether anyone involved has an ASD or not.



Fnord
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13 Dec 2021, 8:06 pm

Fenderstrings1986 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Not likely … that is just how some people behave.
maybe just the case of a narcissists being a narcissist
Please try to address the behavior instead of “diagnosing” the person.



Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 8:24 pm

Fnord wrote:
Fenderstrings1986 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Not likely … that is just how some people behave.
maybe just the case of a narcissists being a narcissist
Please try to address the behavior instead of “diagnosing” the person.



The behavior of his ex gf

- Love bombed him ( took him on trips without asking) later on rubbed it in his face she took him on said trips
as if to get a return
- Blows up at him when he calls her out on things that are not right
- Gives him the silent treatment when she does not get her way
- Always complains about other people and picks fights with her own parents
- Tendency to hold grudges
- Passive aggression to the max
- Gas lighting him
- using word salad
- triangulation



Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 8:26 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wouldn't want a friend like that....


yeah and it's weird because she knows he likes routine and it seemed like she would
do things to F with him like as if she knew he would have a meltdown if his routine was changed



IsabellaLinton
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13 Dec 2021, 8:29 pm

People take advantage of autistic people all the time.

We're like roadkill for narcissists.


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Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 8:34 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
People take advantage of autistic people all the time.

We're like roadkill for narcissists.


He has never told her he has it, but I suspect she did pick up on it. He would do "info dumps" sometimes
and I feel like she pieced some of the things he said for later on down the line to hurt him.

Like he told her without telling her he has asd that he likes routine and gets upset if there is change,
and yet she screws with the scheduling of hanging out lol. Very perplexing.

Is this normal for Narcs to do this to ASD people ? I know they do it in general tho.



IsabellaLinton
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13 Dec 2021, 8:37 pm

They don't need to know we're autistic.

They exploit our weaknesses regardless, because we're easy targets.


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ToughDiamond
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13 Dec 2021, 9:20 pm

Well, I've got ASD but I'm pretty sure if anybody had started cocking me around like that, I'd have very quickly figured out that they hadn't got any respect for me, and either hit back or dumped them. One or two of my partners had a milder form of that sadistic streak I think, but the ones who treated me the worst didn't exactly take pleasure in hurting my feelings, I think they just had issues and weren't capable of developing a good relationship.

As for your friend's ex, I guess she was taking advantage of him, but not particularly of his autism. I hope it was him that ended the relationship.



Fenderstrings1986
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13 Dec 2021, 9:24 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Well, I've got ASD but I'm pretty sure if anybody had started cocking me around like that, I'd have very quickly figured out that they hadn't got any respect for me, and either hit back or dumped them. One or two of my partners had a milder form of that sadistic streak I think, but the ones who treated me the worst didn't exactly take pleasure in hurting my feelings, I think they just had issues and weren't capable of developing a good relationship.

As for your friend's ex, I guess she was taking advantage of him, but not particularly of his autism. I hope it was him that ended the relationship.


it's good good you left that person that was terrible. As for my friend he broke up with her (after 6 months)the day after they went to his pub, she started putting him down a lot and yelling @ him, then she started withholding affection from him saying " I have gotten bored of kissing or not in the mood for kissing " she then said his stories about his day were boring and go on and on, then said " I wish u could be not as fast pace, u talk too fast"

Just a ton of a put downs, he sent her this massive text and told her he is done, and then she said "how dare you say I am abusive" etc etc trying to flip it back on him. He never went back to her.