Literally how hard having Asperger's is

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Ok... I am a high-to-mid-funtioning aspie. I just want to bring this up for a moment. Asperger's is complicated, weird, and difficult.
For those of you who don't know, Asperger's had this lovely sidekick. Tendencies. So you have tendencies of other neirodivergencies. Fun. Some of the most common tendencies are OCD and ADHD. Then there's the thin line between just stimming and tics. You read that right. It is actually very common for aspies to have tics. Which one is it? The world may never know.
Many people on the spectrum are prone to doing negative things due to their mental illness. But Aspies are at a slightly higher risk. Some of these include self-harm, suicide, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, and PTSD. Aspies typically have a higher understanding of events, but take them harder. So that's just fun isn't it.
Oh, and a cherry on top. You may be an aspie with ADHD, OCD, or some of the other things, but it's damn near impossible to get diagnosed. The doctors think "Oh well I think it's just tendencies". So you might not be able to get the help you need because the doctor said you didn't need it. It's so stupid.

Thank you for listening to my minor rant. Have a good day!

hey J From the Batcave.

Lots of aspie knowledge on board, welcome.

It's hard being an Aspie when your fears and desires go against your ASD - which is one reason why I hate having it so much.

I have some PTSD-like tendencies, although not as severe as some people with PTSD. I fear social rejection due to being sensitive to the fact that I was socially rejected so much at high school. I got told things like "I wasn't talking to you", "don't follow me", and "stop moaning", and I even hate hearing those words to this day (the former two I don't hear any more but I fear people thinking it, which is why I sometimes stay quiet or keep my distance - which then makes me seem aloof and then I don't make friends). Those words are all verbal social rejection.

My desire is to fit in and be normal. Have friends that want to be with me. Be invited out instead of being left out. I like people, I'm interested in people, and I'm quite extroverted and crave social interaction, even if it's just talking on the phone. I could talk on the phone for hours, until my arm aches with holding the phone to my ear for so long.

My fears go against ASD too. I fear humiliation and embarrassment. I don't like being judged or stared at by strangers, and I get frustrated because I wish they knew that and would respect that. It's been proven that I don't look creepy or weird, so why stare? Just to intimidate I suppose. And I don't want it. But anyway I believe it's known as Scopophobia. I don't have this around family or friends or anyone else that I know, I feel it around strangers in public only. I think everyone has this to an extent but it's to a more severe degree with me. I avoid eye contact when passing strangers on the sidewalk, which is hard because I naturally make eye contact, but when passing a stranger on the sidewalk I suddenly become all conscious of where I'm looking and I have to force myself to stare straight ahead or look at the ground. Sometimes I avoid going out because of this awkwardness I feel when passing people. It's too mentally draining.

I also have FOMO (fear of missing out), and when you're on the sh***y spectrum you are more likely to miss out. It isn't fair. It was like I have built-in (natural) social fears and social desires that neurotypicals have (but to a greater degree) yet I have this autism thing that makes these social desires less likely to happen and these social fears more likely to happen.

And people wonder why I hate autism as much as I do.

Dunno, I try not to medicalise myself. It's enough for me to see myself as having ASD. I don't suppose I'll even understand that completely, being so complicated. If I do have anything else, it's only a smattering. I think if there were anything severe, somebody would have found it by now. So I just observe traits without trying to find an overarching label.

its a spectrum and we struggle in so very many ways. You are not alone here, hope you can find some answers from people here who have real life experience, insights and advice. Glad you are with us.

There are a lot of variation in the Aspie spectrum. We have both strengths and weaknesses. But in my opinion, they can be much more severe than what I would call NORMAL.

What worked for me was to identify my strengths and weaknesses and use my strengths. I am an extreme introvert and I married an extreme extrovert. For me that was a good solution because together we form a dynamic powerhouse.

I am very old, perhaps one of the oldest members of wrong planet. But I have lead a good life. I have found that I have some very good skills, so I know what these skills are and I use them with great gusto.

[gusto - enjoyment or vigor in doing something]

I have huge fears of rejection. I think comes from the bullying and rejections I experienced in school.
I tend to cling onto people who seems to not hate me, but I'm always unsure if they perhaps are just being polite.
So I am afraid of being misinterpreded, perhaps they think I have a crush on them, or want to be a close friend of theirs. Truth is I only want to be friendly, and have someone to talk with.
So I stay away, avoid starting conversations with them too often or becoming too personal with them.

I often don't know how to act or behave, I'm not terrible, it's more of a nuance, I seem to do OK and people probably think I have no issues with this and just appears a bit odd in a way they cannot really pinpoint.
This has led me to sometimes not conform at all, to play the role of some kind of rebel, doing the exact opposite of what is expected.
This seems to usually work pretty well. But not when it comes to when and how long to look at strangers.

I often misunderstand others, and they often misunderstand me.
Them: I don't want to talk. (They mean I don't want to talk right NOW, I hear I don't EVER want to talk.)
Me: I don't want to talk. (I mean I don't want to talk right NOW, they hear I don't EVER want to talk.)

/Mats

i am like a prey animal surrounded by predators, and i had to learn to hide either in plain sight [tough when you're 6'3 and skinny as a reed and move/dress oddly even in the same clothes styles as one's tormentors ] or by moving out into the sticks miles away from anybody. "wrong planet" is no mere cliché but is in fact a reality for my/our type of human. me and everybody else i meet [precious few these days] in the business of going about one's daily affairs, are about as sympatico as oil and water. the resultant self-esteem issues permeate my daily consciousness both while awake and in my dreams. i am not blessed by any of the stereotypical talents the high-functioning on the spectrum are commonly thought to have. there is no common frame of reference available for me to interface with everybody else. there are things that bug the hell out of me that have seem to have no effect on others. i was picked fun-of by my 6th grade teacher in front of the whole class who he exhorted to laugh at me as well, when my mother told him i couldn't stand the high-pitched whine of her vacuum cleaner. nobody understands.

I don't believe it's an NT rule to make eye contact with strangers passing on the street. I never heard of this one. Stop putting so much expectation on yourself. Keep your eyes straight ahead and pay no attention to the human about to pass you by. When you need to assert dominance, then give eye contact to that passing stranger for one good second. Otherwise, you don't owe it to a passer-by.

Next, if someone says, "I wasn't talking to you," the perfect reply is (and it's the truth, too): "That's right; I'M talking to YOU."

ASD is a real stickler when you like people and want to be around people. But it's not so much a problem when you DON'T like people. I just find people SO stupid, how could I like them? If they have a problem with me, then...they have a problem; not me.

You may want to consider an autie meetup in your town by recruiting here or on FB, and if there's not a local FB for autists then maybe start one, then grow from there?

I think it might be where you come from. From what I've learnt on WP, in the USA people are much more paranoid and think that anyone expressing any sort of shyness are potential murderers or look like they have something to hide.
I don't know if people are that paranoid in the UK. I mean, if someone passes me without making eye contact it doesn't automatically make me feel vulnerable like they're going to pull a knife out and start slicing me to death.
But if I stare straight ahead I can see the passerby staring at me in my periphery, so it feels the less I make eye contact the more they'll look at me. I wish it was a rule that if a passerby is not making eye contact with you, you don't make eye contact with them. All I do is give a quick half-a-second glance just before they pass by, but that's it. Once they are near, I don't look at them. I don't know why, it just feels awkward. The only time I'll automatically make eye contact with a passerby is if they stop and ask me for directions or something. Otherwise, if no social interaction is involved then there is no reason for me to have to stare at them as they pass.




No, I brush my 'autism' under the carpet when I'm not on WP. And I couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. I don't want to produce an autistic clan.

If you make eye contact on the subway in NYC, people get suspicious.

Most people get into their phones, their music, or their books.

it is safer to one's own security to just look past people in passing. i found out the hard way about that.

There is no expectation that one makes eye contact with somebody within urban streets.

Many people have solved this problem by listening to headphones.

I could likely organise one quite well if I could be bothered to really focus on it. But the vast majority of the human race has no interest in carrying out my suggestions, so it would be a waste of effort. I did help to form a band once, but only because somebody else invited me to join a proto-band that already existed. I just ran some ads to get us a drummer.

I've heard that before...in fact I know I have. I think the guy who said it, his name started with a D....

Re eye contact.
It would be easier if there was ONE rule, but at least here it's different depending on in particular how large or small the village/town/city is.
When my mother moved from a small village up north to Stockholm she was instructed to never look at people.
My experience is that a quick glance is quite OK there, one needs to be a bit careful though, a glance at a drug addict or at someone who's mentally instable could lead to trouble.
When I left Stockholm I moved to an island with around 1000 inhabitants. There it is expected that you not only look at each others, but at least greet them with a what's up? or similar. Preferrably you should even engage in a little bit of small talk.
In the small city I live and in the one I work in, it's somewhere in-between.
If you've met the person previously (but never spoken), you should look at them and perhaps make s small nod or even say hi.
If you've talked with, or greeted them, you should probably at least look at them and say hi.
It's complicated and the rules are not logical or uniform, but it feels like everybody else gets them.
Also, the rules makes it inportant to look at people, since different actions are required depending on if you know or recognize them or if they are complete strangers. In particular during this season I need to take a good look to determine to know how to act.

/Mats