The unfair feeling of being born with Asperger Syndrome

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Do you feel its unfair to have Asperger Syndrome?
Yes 17%  17%  [ 2 ]
No 83%  83%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 12

Noamx
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21 May 2022, 1:49 am

Hey guys. I hope you're okay. Well, this time, I'd like to talk to you about the unfair feeling of being born with Asperger Syndrome. This feeling is obviously not felt by anyone, but many people might feel its simply unfair to be born with it. After all, its quite a rare syndrome and most people arent born with it. They might have a different disability, but people with Asperger Syndrome sometimes have to deal with problems which are unique to this Syndrome.

So basically, whether you agree its unfair or not, you all would probably agree you are at a disadvantage anyways, compared to other people who dont have it. But let me tell you something else about the unfair feeling. Honestly, the unfair feeling for me has always been kinda justified. I mean, anyone born with a disability could feel its unfair, but the unfairness of the Syndrome is different to me than the unfairness of other disabilities people might have or born with. The question is how strong the unfair feeling is to you, if you have that feeling? Even if not, can you share what other general feelings you might have about it, and why you dont feel its unfair, if so? Because, for me, I cant avoid the unfair feeling of the Syndrome or even lie about it. I 100% agree its unfair and thats why I feel that way. I looked at other people who dont have it and am totally jealous of their social abilities, which I sadly dont have, you know? Yeah, its quite legitimate feeling to have this unfair feeling, and I was curious to hear what you all think about all this.


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klanka
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21 May 2022, 2:35 am

Your post sounds like a YouTube video script :)

But yeah it does feel very unfair.
Its one of those disabilities which people don't 100% believe is real and you get lectured for not trying hard enough



LauraJones
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21 May 2022, 3:12 am

Yes it tends to mean people look at you as if you are weak and that you have somehow brought it on yourself. That we should try harder to fit in and not inconvenience others.

I find whenever I mention it to others (on very rare occasions) I end up going round in circles. I get nowhere as everybody else is neurotypical and expects me to be the same as they are.



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21 May 2022, 3:16 am

To put things in perspective, there's literally hundreds of thousands (perhaps millions) of people with Aspergers who are flourishing and thriving who probably don't post here because they are too busy with work/life/family (not that there is anything wrong spending posting on WP but successful aspies probably don't feel the need).

On the flipside there are literally millions perhaps billions of NTs who are feel life has been unfair to them based on the circumstances of their birth and the poverty they are born in and/or the hurdles and challenges in their life.



Joe90
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21 May 2022, 4:28 am

I find it unfair that autism has to exist and some people have to be born with it while others aren't. And it had to be me.

I beat myself up about it every day. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide because of it. I feel I have an inner NT which often surfaces but the evil AS traps it.

I hate having it. I feel like I have a part of my brain missing. Sometimes I wish I could have a lobotomy. Perhaps get a piece of brain of an extroverted person and put it where my bit is missing. The extrovert will suddenly become socially inept but...well...um...


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temp1234
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21 May 2022, 4:51 am

To me the unfairness is NOT Asperger's Syndrome itself but the fact that people unnecessarily treat socially awkward people maliciously. If you think about the social problems that people with Asperger's Syndrome have, they are often to do with people's unnecessary unkind/malicious treatment in such forms as bullying and malicious gossip etc. So, yeah, I do feel a sense of unfairness but the problem is the people, not autism itself, as far as the social problems are concerned.



cyberdad
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21 May 2022, 5:28 am

temp1234 wrote:
To me the unfairness is NOT Asperger's Syndrome itself but the fact that people unnecessarily treat socially awkward people maliciously. If you think about the social problems that people with Asperger's Syndrome have, they are often to do with people's unnecessary unkind/malicious treatment in such forms as bullying and malicious gossip etc. So, yeah, I do feel a sense of unfairness but the problem is the people, not autism itself, as far as the social problems are concerned.


Spare a thought for deaf people or blind people and the challenges they have navigating through life. Something as simple as going through a drive through for fast food.



There's a lot of people who find life unfair. There are literally millions of others who have suicidal thoughts but hide their feelings.



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21 May 2022, 6:18 am

Nope.
If anything, I feel like it's everyone else that had it more unfairly than I do.

And autism doesn't even enter, but just with my existence as a whole.



And people who would pity me for it....
It's very presumptuous and condescending of anyone to assume "compassion".
They'll get no respect from me. They'll be the kind of people I would never take too seriously. :lol:


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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21 May 2022, 6:18 am

I don't recall having much in the way of thoughts or feelings about the fair/unfair issue.
Have definitely felt frustrated about having this.


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21 May 2022, 6:24 am

ASD/ADHD gives me the advantage of being observable in some ways. And many of the other features are more just special than disadvantages. I still have traits that are bound to be seen as flaws. But whether this is considered unacceptable compared to the advantage remains to be further assessed as events unfold.
It's not terribly "unfair" compared to more other kinds of disabilities, it just doesn't give me a choice.

I don't even think neurological differences are the main source of "unfairness".


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21 May 2022, 8:13 am

Genetics is a lottery. Thinking that AS is unfair is likely to lead to more frustration and conflict than thinking that it is unlucky. I choose to focus on the lucky bits anyway.



klanka
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21 May 2022, 3:20 pm

I don't have asperger's ....it has me..by the f****n throat



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21 May 2022, 3:34 pm

I have it, but I embrace it as being part of who I am.


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Joe90
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21 May 2022, 4:05 pm

klanka wrote:
I don't have asperger's ....it has me..by the f****n throat


I like this explanation.

ADHD is who I am. Asperger's is just a pain in the arse. It's a bit like people with depression. I mean, most people with depression don't go "depression is who I am". It's more like "depression is something I have got, something I feel". Same feeling with me with the Asperger's; it's not who I am, it's just something I have got and something I feel.

If there was a cure, I could be easily cured. That's how mild my symptoms are. I could get cured but still be me. I can kind of imagine what I'll be like without Asperger's; not much different really, just quicker at coming up with good responses for jokes instead of just a laugh, not being overwhelmed and anxious by screaming babies to the point where I think hateful thoughts, having more motivation to go out and socialise in a bar, and not having that sort of subtle off-ish way about me that is too invisible to actually be able to pinpoint what it is but is visible enough to deter other people from wanting to be friends with me. Just a few minor things that can make life frustratingly isolating even though they don't sound too serious to others.

Often I question my diagnosis because of my lack of symptoms or lack of severity of symptoms, yet sometimes I do something that makes me think "oh that's so Aspie". I beat myself up whenever I do anything that is something a typical autistic person would do, because I keep living in hope that I was misdiagnosed.

I feel like I'm a non-Aspie with ADHD, (social+generalized) anxiety disorder, some OCD and noise sensitivity. But >sigh< the people that assessed me for ADHD said I still exhibit Asperger's traits too, so yeah I suppose I do have the f*****g s**t. :roll:


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21 May 2022, 4:26 pm

I count my blessings. There are things that are hard for me, but there are things I find easy that others find hard. I can walk and hear and see. I have a home and a family and plenty to eat, so I am thankful.



Joe90
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21 May 2022, 4:28 pm

I'm thankful for what I've got. I don't hate my life as such, I just hate who I am. I wish I was neurotypical.


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