People Not Explaining Things Properly

Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Pteranomom
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 21 Apr 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 345

23 May 2022, 3:32 pm

Keep in mind that some of the people you talk to... Are actually bad at explaining things! Sometimes my son wants me to explain something, and I just can't! Maybe I can see the image in my head, but I can't put it into words, or I'm tired and can't think of another way to phrase it. Give me a day and I can think of something.

I remember this time my daughter was on the playground and some other kids were trying to explain a game to her. She was about 7 or 8. The rules of the game didn't make sense to her, and she got very upset. Well, the kids explaining this game were only 6 or7 years old! Plus it was honestly kind of nonsensical--it was made up by little kids, after all. Finally I convinced her to just watch a round or two of the game, whereupon the light dawned and she understood.

"You explained that very poorly," she informed the 6 year old.



Where_am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,111

23 May 2022, 3:57 pm

KitLily wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
________________________________

Nobody understands everything

Sometimes neurotypicals misunderstand other neurotypicals. It just seems like (neurotypicals misunderstand autistics) a lot more often than (neurotypicals misunderstand other neurotypicals)

___________________________



That's my point though. If someone didn't understand something, and asked me to explain, I would clearly explain. Why do some people get annoyed/ mocking/ impatient when asked to clearly explain something? Why not just clearly explain and then move on? They seem to act like it's some sort of game when someone doesn't understand something, and they keep giving stupid answers like 'what do YOU think I meant?' 'why are you asking?' 'why don't you understand?' etc. Yawn.

Although there are some people who love torturing others and playing games instead of clarifying. I suppose that's a way of identifying them and keeping well away. That's what I usually do. :roll:


It's the talking down to I don't like. Something only my female colleagues do to me.


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,172

23 May 2022, 3:57 pm

Work to me feels like you are constantly trying to move forward in the darkness. Everyone just expects you to know things by intuition and understand things telepathically. If you can't do that you are treated like a naive Child.



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 21
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 9,217

23 May 2022, 11:13 pm

Raleigh wrote:
People not explaining things properly was my entire working life.

I would be told to do something with no explanation, then someone would ask me, "why are you doing that?"
"I don't know why. I was asked to do it."
Then they would look puzzled and start making phone calls and ask other people why I was doing what I was doing.
It was as though they thought I was deliberately withholding information.
I figured I was supposed to make some kind of an announcement about why I was doing what I was doing, but because I didn't know myself, and I wasn't articulate enough to ask questions, or even know what kind of questions I was supposed to ask when I was given the task, I made everyone annoyed and confused.

I get people asking me what I'm doing, or scolding me for doing things wrong, a lot at work. I always get told to do things, but no one thoroughly explains what they want done to me. I do think that my manager is catching on, because she's started showing me every step of things and describing what to do. She apparently has an autistic kid though, so she's probably more used to doing that than my other coworkers are.



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 21
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 9,217

23 May 2022, 11:20 pm

AprilR wrote:
Work to me feels like you are constantly trying to move forward in the darkness. Everyone just expects you to know things by intuition and understand things telepathically. If you can't do that you are treated like a naive Child.

I get treated like a child work, but it seems like some of my coworkers think I'm legit "slow", which is my fault for taking forever to process things on top of already needing very specific, detailed explanations. I thankfully don't think that most of my coworkers are trying to be mean by treating me like that.



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 21
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 9,217

23 May 2022, 11:26 pm

klanka wrote:
I think I just learnt over time.

One time, when i was in my early twenties, my female boss said 'do you want to open the window' so I just said 'nahh'
But that was actually a request for me to open the window.

I had something silly like this happen to me, too. I was helping a coworker prepare clothes when it hit time for me to go on break, and she told me that I "could go to break if I liked", which I thought meant that she was telling me I could choose to go or stay. I went "Oh, okay," kept helping her, and then she reiterated and motioned for me to go away. lmao



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 21
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 9,217

23 May 2022, 11:35 pm

KitLily wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
________________________________

Nobody understands everything

Sometimes neurotypicals misunderstand other neurotypicals. It just seems like (neurotypicals misunderstand autistics) a lot more often than (neurotypicals misunderstand other neurotypicals)

___________________________



That's my point though. If someone didn't understand something, and asked me to explain, I would clearly explain. Why do some people get annoyed/ mocking/ impatient when asked to clearly explain something? Why not just clearly explain and then move on? They seem to act like it's some sort of game when someone doesn't understand something, and they keep giving stupid answers like 'what do YOU think I meant?' 'why are you asking?' 'why don't you understand?' etc. Yawn.

Although there are some people who love torturing others and playing games instead of clarifying. I suppose that's a way of identifying them and keeping well away. That's what I usually do. :roll:

I have people act like I'm playing a game by not understanding them. It's one of the things that legit pisses me off since that behaviour also just seems like some sort of passive aggressive game, and I don't want to play it. It's not that hard to imagine that once in awhile someone won't understand what you mean, and that they're not just trying to waste your time by asking for clarification.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,541

24 May 2022, 2:11 am

Where_am_I wrote:
It's the talking down to I don't like. Something only my female colleagues do to me.

Out of curiosity I did a Web search for "examples of talking down to people" because although I think I'd recognise that behaviour when I heard it, I couldn't think of any examples. But all I got was this kind of thing:

https://groups.google.com/g/xzcgisk1y/c/xImm6RsEz2Q

https://ipaqsrevised.blogspot.com/2021/ ... meone.html

Bizarre coincidence, considering the thread is about needing clarity :-) It's as if they wrote it in Aramaic and used the worst translation engine they could find to convert it to English, and never bothered to check that the result made one iota of sense.

One reason why it's so hard for me to get clear answers to questions is that some authors make a complete mess of communicating. It's not just trivial subjects either. I got an invitation from my doctor's office to have a screening for heart disease that just used the initials of some heart complaint (one I wasn't familiar with) and ended with the words ".....and then with a doctors." Best guess, whoever was running the practice was using cheap immigrant labour and setting them tasks they weren't qualified to do, in order to cut their costs by reducing the quality of the service.



mohsart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 741
Location: Southern Sweden

24 May 2022, 8:08 am

It happens. Not very often but it does, usually when I take things too literary. Sometimes when I don't get enough information.
EG a teamleader asked me to take all the bilge pumps inside and when I did he had to explain that he meant all the bilge pumps that weren't in use.
It happened quite often when cooking with my then GF, eg "chop this up" ... "NO not in dices, it should be sliced".

/Mats


_________________
Interests: Comic books, Manga; most things to do with Handicraft, wood, textile, metal etc, modern materials; horror, true crime; languages, art, and history to an extent
Uninterests: All things about motors; celebrities; fashion; sports; career; stock market
Feel free to PM me!


Where_am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,111

24 May 2022, 1:07 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
It's the talking down to I don't like. Something only my female colleagues do to me.

Out of curiosity I did a Web search for "examples of talking down to people" because although I think I'd recognise that behaviour when I heard it, I couldn't think of any examples. But all I got was this kind of thing:

https://groups.google.com/g/xzcgisk1y/c/xImm6RsEz2Q

https://ipaqsrevised.blogspot.com/2021/ ... meone.html

Bizarre coincidence, considering the thread is about needing clarity :-) It's as if they wrote it in Aramaic and used the worst translation engine they could find to convert it to English, and never bothered to check that the result made one iota of sense.

One reason why it's so hard for me to get clear answers to questions is that some authors make a complete mess of communicating. It's not just trivial subjects either. I got an invitation from my doctor's office to have a screening for heart disease that just used the initials of some heart complaint (one I wasn't familiar with) and ended with the words ".....and then with a doctors." Best guess, whoever was running the practice was using cheap immigrant labour and setting them tasks they weren't qualified to do, in order to cut their costs by reducing the quality of the service.


:lol: What are those links?!

Makes me feel coherent!


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,349
Location: temperate zone

24 May 2022, 1:13 pm

"Talking down" means "being condescending".

Can you say "condescending" boys, and girls?

Very good! :lol:



Where_am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,111

24 May 2022, 1:20 pm

Excellent example, naturalplastic :lol:


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,088
Location: Pacific Northwest

24 May 2022, 3:11 pm

I've noticed in my middle school years people seem to understand vague requests like "don't call us anymore" and "No more of that" and knew what they exactly mean. I would get in trouble for these things and not know what they meant until it was too late.

One time I was told I couldn't use the computer in the resource room. So I didn't. I used one in a different resource room and I got in trouble for it. I was like "I didn't use your computer" and my teacher was like "yes I did, I told you you couldn't be on it" and I said "and I wasn't" and she said again I was in Mr. Al's room and I said she never told me I couldn't use it in there. She then said "Oh my fault, I mean don't use any computers in this building or that building and even in the elementary school, don't use any computers in all school districts until Thursday."

It got easier as years went by from experience. You start to figure out what people mean by when they use certain phrases and you learn to ask questions.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,088
Location: Pacific Northwest

24 May 2022, 3:19 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
KitLily wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
________________________________

Nobody understands everything

Sometimes neurotypicals misunderstand other neurotypicals. It just seems like (neurotypicals misunderstand autistics) a lot more often than (neurotypicals misunderstand other neurotypicals)

___________________________



That's my point though. If someone didn't understand something, and asked me to explain, I would clearly explain. Why do some people get annoyed/ mocking/ impatient when asked to clearly explain something? Why not just clearly explain and then move on? They seem to act like it's some sort of game when someone doesn't understand something, and they keep giving stupid answers like 'what do YOU think I meant?' 'why are you asking?' 'why don't you understand?' etc. Yawn.

Although there are some people who love torturing others and playing games instead of clarifying. I suppose that's a way of identifying them and keeping well away. That's what I usually do. :roll:

I have people act like I'm playing a game by not understanding them. It's one of the things that legit pisses me off since that behaviour also just seems like some sort of passive aggressive game, and I don't want to play it. It's not that hard to imagine that once in awhile someone won't understand what you mean, and that they're not just trying to waste your time by asking for clarification.



Do these people know you have autism or that you have some sort of processing issue? I am finding people really do not know unless you tell them and not everyone knows what autism is even if they have heard about it. I am sure there will still be people out there who will be willful about it but you really don't know until you tell them.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

25 May 2022, 4:38 am

Where_am_I wrote:
It's the talking down to I don't like. Something only my female colleagues do to me.


I get that happening too. In nearly every single job I had, I got talked down to. Then in nearly every single job I left, people contacted me afterwards and said: 'that person who replaced you...they're kind of...stupid...Can you come back?'

Guess what my answer was! :lol:

And their comments made me so satisfied. After all their complaints, they actually had an intelligent, efficient employee after all and they didn't realise til I'd left :lol:


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

25 May 2022, 4:46 am

League_Girl wrote:
Do these people know you have autism or that you have some sort of processing issue? I am finding people really do not know unless you tell them and not everyone knows what autism is even if they have heard about it. I am sure there will still be people out there who will be willful about it but you really don't know until you tell them.


They didn't know because I hadn't been diagnosed back then. But I think it shows a certain cruelty to keep tormenting someone who is desperately trying to get a straight answer, by deliberately withholding information. I soon move on from people like that.

I decided if I ever go into a group situation again, I'll say, 'I have mild autism. This means I often can't understand social situations. And I need clear instructions. For example, if you said 'it would be great if someone wiped the table.' I won't know you want me to wipe the table. It's better if someone says, '(my name), could you please wipe the table?'

Hopefully they'll understand that? Who knows.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.