Strangely less threatened by immigrants

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MaxE
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27 May 2022, 10:24 am

I have always been made anxious by the prospect of workmen coming to the house, the pandemic hasn't helped obviously. So these 2 guys came this AM to replace some windows (I work from home but I didn't think I could work with all this going on so I took off). I was actually relieved when they turned out to be immigrants. I don't know just where they are from but my best guess would be Iran given appearance and the fact that they both wear beards suggests likely a Muslim culture. Had they been typical white Americans I would be much more self conscious that they would sense my being different.

DAE have similar feelings?


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kraftiekortie
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27 May 2022, 11:08 am

Immigrants frequently work quite hard.

They have much to work for.

My wife came to the US with nothing. Not even a place to live. Now, she has almost 1/2 million dollars saved up.

I’m US born and bred, and have virtually nothing saved up.



MaxE
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27 May 2022, 12:55 pm

It seems these guys are from Georgia which is overwhelmingly Christian, so probably the beards were misleading as to religion.


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SkinnedWolf
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27 May 2022, 1:23 pm

I was under the impression that Asperger's Complete Guide mentioned that Aspies may experience less stress in a foreign country or have more common themes with other immigrants dealing with social difficulties.
Another assertion of the same pattern is that girls with Asperger's are more likely to be accepted by boys than NT kids, and vice versa. This is also because other factors make people have higher psychological expectations of the difference, so the neurological difference is not prominent.


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magz
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27 May 2022, 1:33 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
I was under the impression that Asperger's Complete Guide mentioned that Aspies may experience less stress in a foreign country or have more common themes with other immigrants dealing with social difficulties.
Another assertion of the same pattern is that girls with Asperger's are more likely to be accepted by boys than NT kids, and vice versa. This is also because other factors make people have higher psychological expectations of the difference, so the neurological difference is not prominent.
I think it's this.
With foreigners, you don't have to fit in. You're already different and chances are, a foreigner won't notice the subtle ways of an Aspie being "odd". No need to pretend to be "normal" in subtle and confusing ways. Far less stressful.
My daughters also have disproportionally many immigrants among their friends.


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kraftiekortie
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27 May 2022, 2:08 pm

I hope everything goes smoothly.



Where_am_I
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27 May 2022, 2:10 pm

magz wrote:
SkinnedWolf wrote:
I was under the impression that Asperger's Complete Guide mentioned that Aspies may experience less stress in a foreign country or have more common themes with other immigrants dealing with social difficulties.
Another assertion of the same pattern is that girls with Asperger's are more likely to be accepted by boys than NT kids, and vice versa. This is also because other factors make people have higher psychological expectations of the difference, so the neurological difference is not prominent.
I think it's this.
With foreigners, you don't have to fit in. You're already different and chances are, a foreigner won't notice the subtle ways of an Aspie being "odd". No need to pretend to be "normal" in subtle and confusing ways. Far less stressful.
My daughters also have disproportionally many immigrants among their friends.


I've had housemates from all over the world and they've always picked up on me being different. If anything, they were accepting, and some of them became close friends.


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klanka
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27 May 2022, 2:50 pm

Could it be also related to any possible childhood bullying by your own countrymen?



MaxE
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27 May 2022, 2:56 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope everything goes smoothly.

I suppose it did, except now we can't get some blinds back up that we took down, and for a while we thought the cat had gone missing (not true!).


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kraftiekortie
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27 May 2022, 4:01 pm

Have the people left? If so, maybe you could call them back.



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28 May 2022, 3:19 am

I think immigrant are often a bit more tolerant. As an immigrant to the USA from England I have to be quite careful that I don't become a problem to the natives while I'm in the US, because occasionally I need people to write character references for me and I certainly can't afford to get into any conflicts that might result in me breaking the law. So I tend to feel I need to be on my best behaviour in case I get deported, and so I tend to be more tolerant than I am in the UK where I'm a citizen with a perpetual right to remain. Not that I'm particularly intolerant in general.

And I'm sure there's something in the idea that when you know you're dealing with somebody who isn't from your own culture, the expectations of conformity are rather less, and a lot of odd behaviour tends to get put down to some cultural cause.

I feel some kind of a sense of identity with immigrants because I know a bit about what it's like to be one, and I know a bit about how it feels to be an Aspie in a NT world. A lot of the scientists in my workplace were foreign nationals and I had more trouble from the little all-English groups than I had from them, probably because a group has to be fairly homogenous to be able to notice and put down the ones who are different. Working with foreign scientists proved to me that foreigners are often very intelligent and courteous people.

But I also can feel suspicious of any culture that isn't "my own," simply because I don't know what their ways are, and it's human and to some extent sensible to be suspicious of the unknown. And I think it may be that on average the English are quieter, have slightly different business conventions, different tastes and views on religion and what constitutes "proper" behaviour, so there may be times when those differences invite animosity, and I don't claim I've always been entirely free of such feelings about immigrants. I just try to give any new individual a fair chance, and I don't usually mind very much if somebody acts a little strangely as long as I can't see any good reason why their behaviour is a real threat or annoyance to me.



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28 May 2022, 10:11 pm

To be aspie often feels to me like looking at my "own" culture from the outside, so I have that in common with immigrants or foreigners. We often understand things in similar ways, or are both grateful for honest and straightforward answers to questions instead of culturally-approved euphemisms.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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28 May 2022, 11:25 pm

Pteranomom wrote:
or are both grateful for honest and straightforward answers to questions instead of culturally-approved euphemisms.

There is a good point.


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29 May 2022, 6:43 am

magz wrote:
SkinnedWolf wrote:
I was under the impression that Asperger's Complete Guide mentioned that Aspies may experience less stress in a foreign country or have more common themes with other immigrants dealing with social difficulties.
Another assertion of the same pattern is that girls with Asperger's are more likely to be accepted by boys than NT kids, and vice versa. This is also because other factors make people have higher psychological expectations of the difference, so the neurological difference is not prominent.
I think it's this.
With foreigners, you don't have to fit in. You're already different and chances are, a foreigner won't notice the subtle ways of an Aspie being "odd". No need to pretend to be "normal" in subtle and confusing ways. Far less stressful.
My daughters also have disproportionally many immigrants among their friends.


I find this to be true. I live in a foreign country. As soon as I open my mouth, people know I'm a foreigner. I don't have to pretend to be just like them because I never truly will be. Sadly, I have not been able to dedicate as much time to language learning since my son was born. Once he goes to school in the fall, I will be able to put more energy into studying. One other nice thing, is that there is no "the customer is always right" attitude here. No one will bend over backwards, be overly polite or pretend to be besties with you in a customer service setting. So there is no social mask needed to even just go to the grocery store. The basic politeness of hello, thank you and goodbye is all that's needed in most cases.



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29 May 2022, 10:05 am

MaxE wrote:
I have always been made anxious by the prospect of workmen coming to the house, the pandemic hasn't helped obviously. So these 2 guys came this AM to replace some windows (I work from home but I didn't think I could work with all this going on so I took off). I was actually relieved when they turned out to be immigrants. I don't know just where they are from but my best guess would be Iran given appearance and the fact that they both wear beards suggests likely a Muslim culture. Had they been typical white Americans I would be much more self conscious that they would sense my being different.

DAE have similar feelings?


Yes. Most immigrants where I live are Eastern European or Asian. Mostly hardworking, polite, friendly and efficient. I even had an Eastern European delivery driver knock on my window in the evening to give me a parcel because by then I'd locked my front gates for the night. He was determined to deliver the parcel and not give up.

Whereas the white, English workers tend to be rude, lazy and angry. Many English people are very angry these days, I don't know why.

Obviously this is a VAST generalisation, but I agree with you.


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31 May 2022, 10:46 am

MaxE wrote:
It seems these guys are from Georgia which is overwhelmingly Christian, so probably the beards were misleading as to religion.


My impression is that a lot of what we think of as "Muslim" appearance is common across religions in certain regions.