Calling AS mothers or perhaps your mother has AS?

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Last night I had a major meltdown.
I lost it completely, and I know it was due to a stressful week, being overtired and overwhelmed. Perfect conditions for a meltdown.
But as usual, my children felt the full force.
What interests me, is the role my children take on when I have a meltdown.
My AS son is in America at the moment, but usually if this happens, he would just disappear.
Part of the reason the meltdown occurred however, is I am feeling stressed about how he is, because I have not heard from him.
But, back to the point.

My second oldest son, 17 and NT, was the one that took on the role of calming me down and smoothing everything out.
It was as if, he instinctively new exactly what to do, with calmness and gentle persuasion to get me back to a place of 'reasonable sanity'.
He also took on the role of persuading my two girls to give me the space I needed at that time.

What I would like to know is, if you are a mother with AS, how you deal with all these stressful situations, and if you ever wonder, as I do, if the fact that you do have AS, impacts on your children in a negative way...
Also, I would be very interested to hear comments from people who have a mother with AS. How it has impacted on you, or not.
I am a mother who happens to have AS. I can accept that. I think for the most part I am doing a damn good job. Many times over the course of my years as a parent I have come so close to leaving them, but I never have. And I know I never will. I should be proud of that, and I am.
I just worry about how I am effecting them, staying.

Well, I am not formally diagnosed with AS. (I don't think that my counselor knows what it is.) I just very strongly suspect that I have it. I also am absolutely certain that my 10 year old daughter has it. The two of us have epilepsy and I have one NT kid. All 3 of us have PTSD.

So...when I get so stressed that I can't take it, I ask my kids for some space. They do not give it to me. The 7-yr-old NT actually gets more clingy, which is the opposite of what I need. It's horrible.

When my10-yr-old aspie gets hysterical, nothing but time helps.

Does AS impact my kids? I have wondered that. I wonder if my lack of interest in socializing and my inability to make friends impacts them negatively. They don't have very many friends, either, and I wonder if this is my fault, because I'm weird, or not social, or whatever.

Now they're getting interested in girly stuff and grooming and I am just one of those ladies that doesn't wear make-up and I rarely shave my legs and I just kind of don't care. Am I doing them a disservice? Am I raising kids who will turn out weird like me? I don't mean to.

Yes, finding a counselor that understands is hard. I have been dx with anxiety disorder and depression in the past, but it was not until my sons dx that I was seen by specialists in AS. It helps a lot to finally make sense of what is different about me.
I am interested about the epilepsy. My 11 year old daughter has epilepsy also, altho' she is not on meds at present, nor has she had a seizure for about 2 years. I'm pretty sure she has some sort of PDD also, but not AS. She is too social.



I know! My 11yr old also gets clingy, and doesn't understand the concept of space either. She also has this habit of making stressful situations worse by inflicting a very high pitched scream on everyone, which is absolute torture for me, and really sends me crazy!




My NT kids don't seem to have a problem with friends, and they have many. It is difficult for them to bring them home however, as this stresses me out. My 11yr old just turns up after school with her best friend, which really is very difficult for me.
She also likes her to stay over from time to time, which to me is like an invasion. My 11 yr old recently had a birthday and what did she want of all things? A slumber party! I am sorry to say for her, that did not happen.
I feel bad that I do not do things with them like other mums do, but I do my best.
Also, I sometimes think because I can be immature in my tastes and outlook, that we do fun things together, that perhaps NT mum's wouldn't. For example my 15 yr old daughter and I headed off to a musical festival this year, as we like the same bands and have a lot in common with our music tastes!


Yes, another tricky one. I have no idea in this regard. My 15 year old daughter is not too interested in girly stuff, and everything she has learned she picks up from her friends. She is not boy-crazy yet either, which is helpful, but I do wonder if it is my lack of social relationships which exposes them to a 'not normal' aspect of this side of things.

I sometimes worry about how my two older NT children take on adult roles in having to deal with my AS son and myself. For example, my 15 year old is very helpful when we go out, as I constantly get lost, can't cope with crowds etc, and she also answers the phone and the door etc etc. My 17 year old has become the man of the house, and as I said in my early post is the calm level head saviour of the family when things get out of hand. I discussed this with my AS therapist, but she seemed to think if the children are old enough to be of assistance, to let them. I said I felt bad because now my son drives I get him to do all the errands, shopping etc and never have to leave the house, except for work. She seemed to think that was okay, that older children can and need to take on more of the responsibilities of running the house, if it is necessary for my mental health.

Thank you so much for your reply. It is good to know others have feelings like this too.