Have YOU been accused of microaggressions??

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Hmmm. There are actually some important differences between microaggressions, in the specific context of interactions between relatively-privileged (in whatever way) people and relatively-marginalized (in whatever way) people, and unintentional offenses more generally.

For one thing, if a member of a marginalized ethnic group with a well-established civil rights movement tells you that some specific thing you said or did was offensive to their group, you don't usually need to ask that person for the reasons why it's offensive. Instead, you can usually find out all you need to know by Googling it, and then make an informed apology. And it's appreciated if you would do that instead of asking the offended person to spend time and energy on educating you.

On the other hand, there is less likely to be information online about unintended offenses in general, many of which may be highly individual. Everyone has their own personal pet peeves.

What has changed generally is that we have a bigger set of the population unwilling to overlook any slight rather then a “pick your battles” approach. What were seen as “trivial” slights are more often now seen as something that if not addressed right away will metastasize or makes you an enabler. It is that change that has allowed the concept of microaggressions to gain currency. In the context of microagressions failure to respond to them are seen as making one complicit in systematic racism.

For autistic people this made life even more of a minefield to navigate.

From a very early age I was told I was deliberately doing wrong things in order to aggravate, incite, annoy, etc. I never understood what family members were talking about. You did that deliberately, you hurt my feelings, you made me mad (everything in the family dynamic was my fault) see scapegoating. I have made people angry all my life with no intent to do so. Microagressions is a more modern term, but I expect along with microagressions I have been accused of deliberate bad intent all my life. I don't get hints or nuance, sarcasm or body language, I understand when somebody huffs or rolls their eyes they are exasperated but rarely understand what I have done to elicit this response. I am too blatant for microagressions, especially intentional ones, I guess. In any culture or interaction with others I am sure I am doomed to aggravate or annoy, I just don't know how to predict when, how, or who it will happen with. Very discouraging so another reason to limit most interactions to online. "real time" "face to face" is almost never successful.

The county I live in is 18% Asian and I have never experienced such a thing happening to me.

Maybe the lady simply happened to have OCD while being Asian?
You know, this effect is pretty universal:

Depending on our relation to the person, we attribute things to either the individual or the group...

What is the actual solution to that problem?

I have a gay friend and a straight friend, both NT's. The straight friend calls the gay friend you f***ing f***ot and they laugh and hug and tease each other. It's their way of bonding I guess, teasing and crossing each other's boundaries. While I who has difficulty using such words I'm emotionally more distan to my gay friend than me straight NT friend is. What "microaggression" people make out of That?

Yes. Apparently my face doesn't do the right thing and when I'm feeling neutral or thoughtful, I look angry or judgmental. When I'm feeling confused, I look like I want people to f**k off.

So I'm being microaggressive

I think using all caps to say "YOU" as in this topic could be considered a microaggression.

I believe the sexist crap I encounter would count as "microagressions".
I prefer to call it "sexist crap".
"Microagression" might be a useful term to describe inter-group dynamics but in everyday life, I find it more confusing than useful.

It's confusing even to NTs, so autistic people really should not be expected to easily get it.

If someone accuses you of a microagression, don't have a adult discussion about what the aggression was, instead just double down on the aggressions.

This sounds to me like a case of NT's misunderstanding autistic people and therefore projecting their own motivations onto autistic people. That is a common, well-known (within the autistic community, at least) phenomenon -- and a common microaggression by NT's against autistic people.

Another problem in today's society is a general trend toward impatience, including a general quickness to give up on communicating with anyone who is less than 100% perfect. I'm inclined to blame this latter trend on:

(1) social media, which may give a lot of people the feeling that they have millions of potential acquaintances to choose from, so why bother with repairing friendships?

(2) a general decline in many people's sense of community, thus a tendency to see any given person in one's life as being isolated from other aspects of one's life.

The above trends, unfortunately, do make it more complicated to deal with microaggressions. Still, I think, decent people, including decent autistic people, should aim to become aware of common microaggressions and stop doing them. Fortunately, as I said earlier, it's possible to look up many of them online, to find out why they are offensive to the group in question.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 20 Jan 2023, 12:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not every rude or insensitive comment is considered a microaggression. It has to be made to a member of a marginalized group from a member of a non marginalized group and invoke some sort of prejudice or stereotype in a subtle manor.

Some are really obvious though, those are the good ones to identify with that label. An example might be holding the door for an attractive person but letting go before the person immediately behind them is let in.

As for marginalized peoples, they're not always readily identifiable and the same behaviour towards someone assumed to be queer, or assumed to be white, etc might be just as problematic.

Basically, actions that have a reasonable likelihood of provoking a sense of ambiguity over whether or not one was intentionally mistreated over some fixed trait. If it was entirely intentional, that's different, that's not micro-.

I wouldn't consider the term fair to synonymize with pet peeve.

Edit: Forgot the end of a sentence.

Last edited by funeralxempire on 20 Jan 2023, 12:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Very well said.

Actually, according to Wikipedia at least, the term "microaggression" was coined back in 1970. What enabled it to "gain currency" was (1) the rise of the BLM movement (thanks to YouTube and other social media) and the resulting boost to other minority-rights groups as well, and (2) the rise of "Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion" consultants offering training to executives of major corporations.

Many microaggressions weren't formerly regarded as “trivial” by members of the affected marginalized minorities. Rather, they were things that the affected marginalized minorities grumbled about amongst themselves, and to anyone else who would listen, but it never reached the ears of the majority of culturally mainstream people, or the ears of the powers-that-be. What has changed, within the past decade, is that it has now become safer to complain about micro-aggressions to people other than (1) fellow members of one's marginalized minority group and (2) left-wing activists.