I can't tell if it's real
From the NT point of view, it's common to be upset when someone is unpunctual
From the ASD perspective, you can get very upset because it's a change in your routine.
_________________
「何色になりたい?」
ー椎名ましろ
I'm a diagnosed Aspie and ADHDer.
I just had an episode where I felt completely that I had convinced myself I have autism and was faking it because of a superiority complex that has to do with an obsession with intelligence. Right when I woke up I had these thoughts, and I felt they were true since clearest thinking usually happens right when people wake up. Does any of this make sense, or no?
I think that you have other issues that you need help with. You need some peace of mind. Do you have access to a good therapist? I have three therapists. all psychologists, no psychiatrists, (I don't like psychiatry) and I love them because they really help me to understand myself. I can't speak well enough about having a great therapist. I think you should see if that can help you.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
No, I was not unknowingly diagnosed. I think I felt a connection with autism for some reason and started doing more research and eventually my behavior became more autistic. Maybe I was unmasking, or maybe I was going through burnout, or something else. I’ve had suspicions before then that I was on the spectrum, but no one ever really took it seriously. Also it might be of note that in testing, I scored extremely high on visual detail and pattern recognition tasks, which I’ve heard is more common among Neurodivergent people. I think I remember taking the AQ test and scoring above the threshold, but then I wonder and become anxious if I purposely put answers to get higher. I have always felt that I was in the wrong world, but maybe that was for other reasons.
It's not possible to cheat the pattern recognition and visual detail tests.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
I do have access to a good therapist, but I haven't had many sessions yet.
The pattern tests are definitely an ASD thing. What other stuff in particular?
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
The other stuff I wrote here besides what you just mentioned. I think I exaggerated some symptoms when I started researching autism, for some psychological reason. Yet, when I took the AQ test now and tried to put in answers that matched what I was like before the pandemic, I still got a 41, even though no one ever thought I was on the spectrum. Recently, when I've gotten frustrated or anxious, I've done repetitive motions, like standing in a doorway moving it back and forth repeating "What the hell is wrong with me?", but I never really did this before I learned more about autism. I think I may have done some sort of repetitive motion, but not as obvious as that.
The other stuff I wrote here besides what you just mentioned. I think I exaggerated some symptoms when I started researching autism, for some psychological reason. Yet, when I took the AQ test now and tried to put in answers that matched what I was like before the pandemic, I still got a 41, even though no one ever thought I was on the spectrum. Recently, when I've gotten frustrated or anxious, I've done repetitive motions, like standing in a doorway moving it back and forth repeating "What the hell is wrong with me?", but I never really did this before I learned more about autism. I think I may have done some sort of repetitive motion, but not as obvious as that.
It's like when you get a new car, all of a sudden you start noticing the same kind of car all over the place where before you never noticed them. And once I understood that my behaviors were Autistic behaviors, I was able to recall into my past look at my memories from a more educated perspective and that is when I realized how Autistic I have always been ever since I was a baby. Even looking at childhood photos, it was now extremely obvious to me because I now understood what I was seeing in these photos. Before, I had no idea what I was seeing because I knew nothing about Autism. Now, when I review my past and my childhood, I see it everywhere in my life.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
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