What part is AS and what part is trauma?

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I don't know what in my personality is due to AS and what is due to the trauma of having been outcast since age 2 for being AS...

Do you have it clear?

I'm getting there. I'm working on it in counseling. I'd say roughly that my cynicism, paranoia, social anxiety, etc. are related to PTSD from living with undiagnosed AS for 40 years. My sensory issues, need for routine, communication problems with others, etc. are AS-related.

Yes, you were very clear. Its an excellent question. I wish I had some idea; it'll be interesting to read everyone eise's responses.

My therapist attributes all my social impotence to the trauma of the abuse I suffered as a child. I don't agree, but I don't have it clear what problem is due to AS and what problem is due to the PTSD.

WOW! I was actually talking to my therapist about this TODAY. And we have been working on it.

Before I found a therapist who specialized in autism/Asperger's, the other therapists thought I had dissocation disorder, and maybe I was abused, etc. Since being diagnosed, I have discovered that most of my traumatic experiences at a very young age were due to my autism, PLUS the fact that the adults around me didn't know how to deal with it.

It is a relief to have a therapist who understands that my childhood was Hell, and there is not one specific incident I can point to.

Like someone else said, I am also trying to analyze how my anxiety and depression are the result of so many years of feeling incredibly alone on this planet!

A thought for me.

Hi Greentea, I have just recently been diagnosed with AS . It has been a journey that has lasted 41 years to arrive at this point.

For the last 15 years I have been in various 12 step groups and therapy working on my stuff in the context of 'childhood stuff' without even contemplating AS. I know I have always had TS, OCD, ADHD and relational problems, but never linked this cluster to AS.
until I got so depressed in the spring with re the anxiety around parenting my 7 year old son. It started to dawn on me that this anxiety was unique from the cluster mentioned above, and then everything fell into place.

As a child I had to simulate normality to such a super human extent I developed personality difficulties and awful depression. It was like by nature I was forced into a corner and then forced into a corner within a corner because of my parents obsession with normality (most likely due to my mothers fear of going mad....sadly she has as she resides in an care home for the the mentally ill)

How long have you know you have AS?

much peace to you Greentea

What do you think, Hankpym?

Same here, just now in my forties I realize it. I don't have the money it costs to get a diagnosis, and here it's not a good idea to get one because you get less insurance coverage if you have any condition. My family have an obsession with normality too, being extremely dependent on the approval of others. So I identify very much with your story.

I don't know if I have AS but it's clear to me for a while now from looking back at things and from conversations with my parents that a lot of the things I experienced as traumatic in my childhood may have been rooted in my hypersensitivity. Things that wouldn't have effected other children so strongly were very hard for me to cope with.

I was diagnosed with as at 15 I believe and had a rather traumatic child hood -non AS related- but im sure as dint help any- but I seem to come throe pretty well I use to be suicidal when I was kid. But now days I learn to coupe with my problems and therapy helped when I was younger. As I stand im pretty happy learn to accept im different and found people who don’t give a f**k for friends.

Malachi, I believe that too about me.

I wonder the same thing myself. I was always told by my mother that I was normal, even advanced in some areas, for my age. I wonder how much was AS and how much was related to bullying when I was growing up.

i wasnt ever realy bullied in school on the acount i was always the tallest and usly the strongest growing up. but was teased often in my younger years.

I was originally diagnosed with depression & social anxiety. Though social anxiety didn't explain what I was going through.
After my Mother brought up AS, I realised that I might have it and thats what is causing the anxiety and depression.
I got my diagnosis of Aspergers Last year and a psycho-therapist was working with me one day and told me that it sounds like my anxiety and depression "stemmed" from living with AS for all of my life and never knowing why I felt different.
I was abused as a child, which is why the psychiatrist thought I had social anxiety. I forgot to add, that before my AS diagnosis I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). After the PTSD seemed to have gone away, my social and communication difficulties were still there. Thats how Mother found out about AS and thought that I might have it. Turns out I do

I still don't have this all figured out, but I would like to one day.

I'm not sure if I have AS,ADD or what yet, as I haven't been diagnosed, but I think a lot of my problems are family related. Both my mom and dad suffer from mental illness (dad is worse off than my mom).
So, until recently, I have always tried to keep those things and other parts of my personal life a secret from outside people. So that, along with the anxiety of not fitting-in or relating to other people, and wanting everybody to like me have put a lot of stress on me.

I'm at a point in my life right now, that I don't really care what people think about me, and I'm starting to open up more to them.
What I'm starting to find out is, that the people that I thought had "perfectly normal" lives have problems of their own as well...although, probably not as many problems.
So, I think it helps to talk to people about it, and not keep things bottled up. You might even find someone that is nice and is willing to help you.