Not diagnosed with Asd but discriminated against for traits

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Hi,
I'm a new member but have on and off lurked on this board. I have alot of traits that
are identifiable with Asperger's Disorder, but I felt I probably didn't have it as the people
I usually saw or read from with this seemed to have noticeable aspects I didn't have so much,
for example, very flat tone, and almost complete blindness to social cues.
I've recently decided I probably fit somewhere on the autistic spectrum; this decision
especially came about because I am being discriminated presently for things which could
easily fit into the description of someone with Asperger's or a PVD. I also wanted
to kind of warn people here, that from what I'm experiencing, you may want to watch
out for increased hostility and judgement.

I've always been considered very quiet and shy, but it became a noticeable problem
when I went to high school. I was socially clueless, not just shy. After high school, I've
gotten gradually better at conversation, mostly from osmosis, although I still feel
very awkward at times and I don't "know the rules". I've never had a boyfriend at 31,
and two years ago was finally extricated from a 9 year supposed friendship where I
only afterward realized I was mostly being used.
I can read facial expressions and usually vocal tones, usually. A quick way to describe
it is the give and take, the natural flow of conversation , start and end of, is something
that with most people, I can not get the hang of. Conversations for me that occur,
are usually just honest back and forth's. My facial expression has always been a little
too serious looking, I did not realize in high school just how inappropriate my staring
problem was; now I realize I made people incomfortable. I also had a walk where
I walked on the balls of my feet and headfirst through the halls, also now realize
inappropriate.
What I'm naturally good at in school was spelling, english composition and intuitive
thinking, and poetry. I'm not a science geek although I wish I leaned that way as
I think it's very interesting, nor am I good at mathematics.

Here's what's been made of my character:

I live in my own world, and I don't care about others. I'm selfish. Here's one
of the refrains: "We're not playdoh!" They use my being different in the way that
I'm not as social, as an excuse to say I don't care about others, basically that I don't
have empathy. This is to them, makes me "cold", " you don't use your heart",
and so on. They also have this metaphor going on about how either I'm made out of
paper, or I see everything as paper, again wiith the heartless antisocial thing, and
then that I read, and "think" too much, instead of using my heart. Which I find kind
of ironic, how I'm accused of not having a heart and use this as an excuse to
be completely blackhearted towards me.

I feel they're using this as a way of dehumanizing me. I don't feel it's true that I
don't have empathy, not that it should make a difference, but these people do, and
that to them, makes me less than human, makes me less than them and deserving
of being abused. I wonder, what do these self-righteous people think of those
with Asperger's or who are on the autistic spectrum? Although I'm not diagnosed,
I am being persecuted for the same traits as someone who is.

I guess I am introducing myself, asking from what I've shared would you consider me
to have Asperger's, and also just letting people know how I'm being treated, here
in the Central Valley, California. Not a nice place for you all, seriously.

Are you sure we aren't related? Some of the things you talk about decribes my life to a tee. I was also good at spelling, and bad at math(especially anything after algebra) and I'm very intuitive as well...sometimes too much for my own good. I can see people's intentions, motives, and read their body language very well, where others are naive to it, and don't believe me when I tell them things about people, usually they have to learn the hard way that I was right.

Also, I'm not sure whether I have it or not either, but I do have a lot of the traits, and can relate to alot of things people say on this board.
I am currently researching AS, inattentive ADD and Schizoid personality disorder. These all seem to fit me pretty well, so I'm not sure which one(s) I have, if any, but they all seem to be related.

I've also considered inattentive ADD , and schizoid, although that one I'm not sure, though
I probably seem that way to some. The intuitive thinking I meant actually in school or when
reading, although I'd definitely like to be able to read people that way. The schizoid I think is different because they don't really care so much about having social relationships, whereas I think Asperger's you do want it but find yourself without the tools that others seem to have.
The inattentive ADD I definitely fit well, though, but I've got a few other things thrown in.

Just noticed there's a whole section for introducing yourself, sorry

I seem to be a mutt as well. I think I have a little bit of everything thrown in.
I am almost 100% positive I have some OCD, anxiety, and depression, it's just the other things that I'm unsure of.

Yeah, I missed the into part of the site as well...

I wouldn't worry about it.. its a bit more than an introduction after all there are philosophical points and semi-questions mixed in there as well.

Im not sure if its the same thing a previous poster said but my "intuition" about other people is more of a sense of their real character.. its a cumulation of the details about them that I absorb but don't really think about consciously.

Its the guy I get a bad feeling about when he comes up all smiles and cheerful only to realize later that he had an impression on his ring finger giving away the fact that he was married and the way he kept trying to buy me drinks stronger than what I was having at a party..

Perhaps more instinct than intuition? The way children or animals can know the character of a person at first glance maybe?

I'm no expert woolf7 but you sound like you have AS. That is how NT's perceive and treat people with AS/Autism. They don't understand us and they have a real problem with how we don't act or think like they do. The same scenario happens to me at school and in the workplace.

That seems extremely familiar to me. Like you, I find it hard to say that I have AS because I'm not nearly as odd as the people I know who have been diagnosed with that, but my childhood makes a lot of sense if I look on it as an example of undiagnosed mild-end-of-the-spectrum. (I went to enough shrinks that they should have picked up on it, surely?)



I used to think I was extremely empathetic. Now I realise that I'm not - it's just that I grew up with a very passive aggressive parent and I got extremely good (for my own safety) at telling when someone is upset without them telling you. But it's not any more specific than "upset". For example, I always think my partner's angry at me, because I can't tell between her signals for "I'm angry at you", "I'm angry at something else", "I'm tired" and "I'm frustrated".

I can relate to that, I hadn't thought of that so much. I can sometimes think if
someone around me is in a bad mood it's because of me. I guess the empathy thing that
is used against me might bother me because it seems used to try to say I don't value
human life.
I'm mostly a little or maybe alot different, but I'm not a sociopath.

Even if I don't really technically have AS, I wish I'd been diagnosed with it in high school,
it would have helped me alot. The social anxiety label didn't quite fit and it would
have been a relief to know maybe my brain just worked differently than most others.