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BreathlessJade
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Joined: 25 Aug 2022
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04 May 2023, 3:00 pm

I just left a job that was way too stressful and over stimulating. my saddest feeling about it is not seeing a co-worker (whom ive probably talk to for 10 minutes in about 4-5 years.) he befriended me after my mother died and i started a job at his location. It's always been fairly surface as far as dialog, but he gave me the impression that we connected sort of like to very mello, passive dudes. I, honestly became so attached to him because it was the first time since Mom died that i felt compassion for someone. And i've been painstakingly careful not to cross any boundaries but even then, it seems like i'm pushing for more of a friendship then he is. he's very busy and he honestly hardly knows me so i don't blame him, but he gave me his number on his own so i'm assuming he cares about me. I see more everyday how bad i am at friendships. i'm so busy dreading that i can't enjoy them. I'm so scared of his rejection because i care about him like a family member. I barely get a text back from him (is that just a dude thing??). i'm so confused because i can't read him and i'm super meticulous about keeping my interactions light and well not creepy. I don't know how to deal with have such a genuine love and appreciation from one person and not being able to feel that with most others. And i don't want to be like his only friend or to isolate him. I just really want to gently and respectfully cultivate what i think is a lifelong friendship. not sure if its my "if it's not over the top expression of interest; it's rejection" complex or what. i'm not gonna be around him and my other coworkers now and if he choses not to stay in touch, i can't stop him and i respect his choices. I am just so torn up about rejection that seems so over my head. what i'm hoping is that i'm just in the learning process of my way of processing and that i have not repelled him by appearing needy or something. oh man i'm a wreck right now



autisticelders
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05 May 2023, 7:06 am

its good that you are aware of this possibility. Think it through and take your time, keep that caution and awareness and don't rush into anything. Eventually it will become clear.


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BreathlessJade
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Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 40
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Posts: 483
Location: Cali

05 May 2023, 11:41 pm

hey thanks! i traced back through my life and i've experienced this with so many people on different intensity levels. i think i'm going document that for my own sake



IsabellaLinton
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06 May 2023, 12:03 am

How do you define limerence?


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BreathlessJade
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Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 483
Location: Cali

30 May 2023, 1:29 am

hi sorry i've been gone for a while. good question
my understanding of limerence is either a strong and sort of obsessive attachment to a potential or existing lover (which does not apply to me) OR the same towards a platonic friend. this person may be very plain and mellow, but to you or I, they are the most interesting person. You look at their social media, remember obscure details. I, personally remember every time he patted me on the arm or shoulder. I remember and rehearse conversations. and the worst part is he's horrible at texting back. so i'm half trying to understand it's probably not person and the other half is wondering if it's intentional. I mean i've sent him several texted but stretched them out for months and i counted 2 texts, one of which he replied when we exchanged numbers. it's so frustrating, out of everyone in the world, i want to hear from him the most and he's the only one who won't replay. and i'm merely wanted just an acknowledgement, nothing big. just connection. hes an amazing human. it brings up strong, strong rejection anxiety. and i'm not really mad, but it's kinda sorta rude right?