How do you deal with loneliness?

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I know not everyone necessarily feels lonely. But if you do, how do you handle it?

For most of my adult life I have had a long-term partner (I've had two) and now that I don't, I find it very hard to spend most of my time alone (about 95%+ of the time, since I can't work and also can't get out much because of a chronic illness). I call my sister and my very few friends when I can (meaning I can't just call them constantly), and sometimes email them, but talking on the phone for maybe an hour or two a day, and not at all on some days, and exchanging some emails, still feels very lonely to me. I have a friend who lives near me so I see him in person, maybe once or sometimes twice a week, for maybe a few hours, and he sends me a message every day. So all in all I'm not really doing too badly. I do have a small number of people in my life and they care about me.

But it still leaves the 95% of the time when I am alone. I also have a sleep disorder and I am awake most of the night, so the option of just going outside and seeing people during the day, even if I don't talk to them, is not an option I have often. It actually helps a little even just to see strangers walking around, which is kind of... sad?

I watch a lot of streaming TV, mostly detective dramas. But they only help if they are absorbing enough that you get pulled into the story and kind of forget yourself in the process. I always have to have something on at home in which someone is talking or it feels so sad and quiet. Music is too emotional and it makes me sad and overwhelmed.

Because of my chronic illness, the option of joining something, like a church or an activist group, or taking a class, is nearly impossible, because I would just not be well enough to go.

I just live in a world of fiction- writing it, reading it, watching it. People are much nicer in fiction, and the stories show 'how life should be' i.e. friendly people who support us. Instead of how life actually is i.e. people exclude and mock us.

I'm not fully like you in that I am quite comfortable with my own company and spend a lot of time alone, but I do get lonely sometimes.

Have you explored podcasts at all? I listen to quite a lot and find them more comforting than an audiobook or TV. You do feel a bit like you're in a conversation with a podcast, and some have community audiences that it's nice to feel a part of. Some podcast hosts and guest share a lot with their audiences which helps to feel like you're really getting to know them. Plus there's pretty much a podcast for whatever you're interested in.

Like KitLily said, i spend most of my time reading and watching fiction.

While reading and watching fiction can help distract you from your troubles in life, it would be really nice to talk to a friend. Finding someone you want to be in a relationship with is a bonus. Even when I go do stuff like golfing and surfing, I'm still socially awkward and have a hard time talking to people, so....yeah, you still tend to get lonely. From my experience, anyway.

I spend most of my time outside of work in my room by myself. I kind of half intentionally-half unintentionally isolate myself though, due to both severe depression and really bad social anxiety. I was forcefully isolated until last year, so the anxiety from that on top of having autism makes me feel really stressed out when I'm around others, even if I'm just around a family member or two. So, I avoid being around people a lot. I still feel very lonely all the time though, because I don't really have a lot of meaningful interactions at work or with any family members, and I have no friends besides for one online friend that I don't talk to much.

I try to keep myself distracted with other things (like video games or watching movies or looking up something about my interests) to cope with it, plus I have a cat and a rabbit that I can cuddle with if I feel really touch starved (it's not the same, but it kind of helps sometimes). I honestly also drink and smoke weed a lot to cope. I also try to force myself to go places with my family members once in awhile, but it's hit or miss whether I'll actually enjoy it and if it'll help me at all. I usually just feel somehow more lonely after hanging out with people.

Pets and parasocial relationships

Having RSD makes me deal with loneliness very poorly. Sometimes I panic at the way I can't make friends with my NT peers even though I'm quite socially adept. I think "no Aspie female with the ability to pass off as a shy NT and has natural eye contact and normal conversation skills is as lonely as me friend-wise". Yes I understand that is an exaggerated statement not to be taken literally but it makes me feel that way. Making friends ain't that hard, if I do say so myself. I mean, meeting dates is easy and natural for me, yet making friends is just next to impossible. It really sucks and it also makes me feel hurt, especially when other female Aspies say that they have a group of NT friends.
Maybe Aspie females only get NT friends if they drink alcohol, smoke weed and don't mind going to bars and concerts. None of those are my thing.

I really wish there was a worldwide network of people with autism, we could join it and make friends. Like Meetup or something but for ASD.

^ like this website? ^

I suppose I also have always found things to do that occupied me, that gave me a sense of purpose that "transcended" personal relationships. Although, that obviously is a major coping "device", now that I think about it... doesn't really force me to be social for social's sake.

The only time I ever felt lonely was the moment before I tried to top myself. This was about 20 years or so ago.

As for going out and friends etc that's called living and it doesn't always take away loneliness.

I stopped living for many many years because I felt dead inside and thought I didn't deserve to live. I won't let that happen to me again ever in my life.

Although I fully support the writers' strike I really miss my late night talk show "friends" I used to watch on YouTube every day that they were on. (Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, James Corden)

Feel better and stay better!

This! There is absolutely no communities for high functioning autistic people where i live, only parent support groups for nt parents of autistic children.

Argh! I mean in real life so we can have real life friends locally. Not characters on a website. Although it's nice to have online discussions, who do I go on a walk with? Out for lunch with? Have a chat with when I need to talk something through? Who could I go to an event with? Celebrate my birthday with?

All those sorts of things I used to do in the past when I had actual, real life friends.