The concept of identity

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I've always thought of my identity as being the same as my sense of myself and of who I am. But because I might have Borderline Personality and one of its symptoms is identity disturbance, meaning that one's sense of self tends to fluctuate and one might simply copy behaviors or attitudes of other people, I have had a therapist (whom I am no longer seeing) assume that I have a problem with my identity. I don't think I do. I think my identity is so fixed that I am inflexible and cemented down, and I think that's fine. But it has me wondering if I am misunderstanding what identity is.

Do you feel steady in your identity or do you feel that it changes, either constantly or at least occasionally?

Used to think , i was just me, then as I grew ,people wanted me to be what they want, tried that for big part of my life , then eventuallyfigured just to be me.

Research suggests that identity development is different in ND people.

Specifically, around adolescence, NT people go through stages of identity development where they "try on" different socially prescribed identities (e.g., Goth, Emo, Skater) until they find one they like or combine aspects of ones they've tried.

As you can imagine, since ND people tend to not be socially motivated in the same way NT people are, we don't always go through this same process. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of research on how the ND identity differs from the NT identity, but you can presume that there are probably significant differences since development is so different.

I did not go through identity development like an NT person and, during adolescence, found the identity development in my peers extremely annoying. People's behaviour and appearance would change overnight with no clear reason, which was very frustrating.

When I think about my own identity, I often feel like I don't have one or that the "identity" I have at a given moment is a product of masking. At work, for example, I mask with an identity of someone who is chipper, ready to help others, and socially engaged with my co-workers. That is not true when I am at home alone or in other social situations.

I don't think it's possible for identity to be so rigid and fixed. Every time you experience anything, it affects and shapes your identity. Your identity is constantly growing, evolving, shaping. So much of your identity is determined by how you grow and mature. That's what I think. I also don't think it's possible to create your identity. You are who you are whither you believe it or not. You are who you are whether you can identify it or recognize it or not. You can make up identities that are false and even choose to live by them but it still doesn't change the fact that you are who you are. We are what we are because of choices we make but we are also greatly shaped by things out of our control. So since you don't have control over the parts that are out of your control, you can't 100 percent create an authentic identity yourself. You can recognize your authentic identity and choose to live by it or you can create a false one and do that.