What is AS and what's not?

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I am diagnosed as having AS, and I have many of the associated characteristics, but I also have a real interest in other people, I want to interact and be more sociable, I just find it very hard and stressful doing so. I wonder at times how much of that is down to having AS, and how much it is due to low self esteem and social anxiety, or if you can clearly separate such things. I often think to myself I just need to find the right niche, yet wonder if such a thing exists for me. I also desperately yearn for a meaningful, honest relationship, perhaps with a few good friends to socialise with; not the seemingly superficial mass tangle of "friendship" that overwhelms me when I do make efforts to socialise.. now is that AS, or is that me just being old fashioned perhaps?

I try to be as aware about others and their feelings as possible, I stop talking as soon as I get the slightest impression that they may not be interested in what I have to say. I try to present myself as thoughtful and caring towards others, the opposite of what seems to be the AS stereotype. I seem to understand quite a bit of body language and facial expression when I'm detached from the situation, yet I seem to be scared at trying to read these things, or are unable to understand them when it comes to personal issues, such as attraction. Although i may come across as a fairly intelligent individual with a sensible attitude, I feel that I am unable to lead a successful, independent life, and that I will never be able to fulfil whatever potential I do have.. now is that a legitimate concern based on the difficulties AS can cause, or is it a state of mind that can be changed if I find the right approach, if it exists?

For me AS is like being emotionally and socially dyslexic, a disability that isn't in line with my other facets; it's not that I'm so caught up in my own world that I don't want or need other people in my life, it's just i find it so hard sometimes to make sense of human interactions that I have to shy away a lot of the time. So although it has been a big relief to me learning about AS (I'm reading Tony Attwood's book at the moment, and am often thinking "that is so me!"), I'm not sure how this knowledge can change my predicament. If I go up to people and say "Hey I have AS!", I'm not sure if they would actually believe me, or really understand what it is, or they might be cynical or confused about the diagnostic criteria (like I have been at times). For me it would be more like loosing a burden, as a good excuse for why I'm so very shy/odd - in that I can effectively say "look, I'm not a weirdo, I have this.." Telling people these things is not going to change them is it, so that they might act in ways that I personally find easier to understand, or that they would make lifestyle choices that are more in line with mine, allowing me to feel more integrated.

Sometimes I wonder if the increasingly random, extrovert nature of todays cultural norms in the west, factor in the rise of AS and autism diagnoses? What is truly "my personality", what is a neurological disorder like AS, or what is an affective disorder like anxiety and depression; these things seem quite hard for me to differentiate between right now..

Anyway, sorry for rambling on so much - can anyone here relate to what I have said, or does anyone share similar concerns to mine?

Thanks for reading this.

You and I are a lot alike. I am very interested in what goes on around me, but I also get terribly nervous in social situations. If I'm forced to be in an environment where the conversation is superficial, I have a hard time. I am not one for small talk. On several occasions, I have found myself spending more time with the host's pets than with the human company.

Dude, I can completely relate to paragraphs 2 through 4. I'm not diagnosed with AS, but I score highly on all the online tests, keeping in mind I have no idea how reliable that is. My mother also told me that on the IQ test I scored highly on both the verbal and performance sections, but I haven't seen them myself.

I find that after a period of socialization approaching 4 hours or so I become tired of interacting and sort of stop paying attention to what's going on, looking instead for a reason to decide to stay or leave.

You're right- it can be pretty tough to distinguish some symptoms of social anxiety disorder and AS. I guess you know when to make the diagnosis of AS when there is other stuff going on- sensory issues, motor problems, true lack of social awareness/understanding, etc.

I relate to much of what you say and often wonder about the same things...everything has a label these days, and one does have to wonder if soon the majority of humans will have a label that stands outside of 'Neurotypical', lol.
I too wonder how much is down to social anxiety, how much is down to abuse, what is the Aspergers, what is the ADD, what is depression etc?...and who am I when all is said and done and all the labels are removed?
Sometimes, I just want to vomit on the labels and shout at 'This is me...all of this is parts of me, no matter what label is thrown at it all, and I must make of it what I can'.

AS will cause social anxiety.

AS and autism are just social retardation with narrow and focused interests (plus a few other things that are tacked on); unfortunately, the human species is a social species; when you're ret*d socially, you're going have difficulty in doing such whether you'd like to socialize or not.

There's many "normal" people who have no interest in socializing, they can still do it when needed however.

Are there? I guess I have this sterotype of humans that they all want to socialize, unless their brains are wired differently.

I have such a love hate thing with the way I'm wired. On the one hand, I feel like random socialization is a waste of time and uninteresting compared to other things. I see "normal" people as having this super high drive to be around other people all the time, for no apparent reason, and I'd hate to be turned into that. On the other hand, I do have SOME of that drive, and would like SOME friends, and the ability to navigate life, work, etc. much better than I can.

See, to me it feels quite a bit more complex than that, sure the social difficulties are perhaps the most obvious trait, but there seem to be many other issues that are commonly described in AS.

Can you really call it social retardation though, when you are completely aware of your own difficulties, perhaps more so than most others are; to me that is a bit like calling dyslexics illiterate, when given the right tools, they clearly are not.

For me, the issue of notable discrepancies between different planes of intelligence and learning capacities, is perhaps the most fascinating (and also the most difficult) aspect of AS or HFA.

I will get to this when I'm feeling a less tired..

for me obsessions with a few things, major social deficits, mentally and physically im just not upto speed with anyone my age. akwardness and eccentrcity

Does it matter?

I'm not trying to be flippant. I just wonder, AS is just a word for part of the way your brain works, it's an artificial category, you are you, which is an autistic person but also a lot of other things, and I'm not sure there are boundaries between those things the way many people want to make them. I have a friend who gets asked whether her back pain is from her autoimmune disease or from her scoliosis, and she says "I don't know, I only have one spine." We only have one brain, so...

Exactly! We're wanting validation. Look at it this way- if you have a leg that has this condition where it makes the leg jerk up suddenly and without notice, eventually you'd be kicking and tripping people accidentally. When that happens people are going to think that you're trying to do it. But if you knew that your leg has this condition that causes the muscles to become rigid and jerky, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is the fault of the condition you have.... you're not trying to hurt people on purpose. VALIDATION goes a long way. It can be very healing. So I don't think labels and diagnosis's are harmful or unneccessary as some point out.

BTW Bightme, a lot of what you said sounds like me.

On a side note-

Mr. Benson, I just wanted to point out to you that you're an extremely good looking young man. You look to be about my oldest sons age- 27. My husband is good looking too but I love how he doesn't know it. I suspect it the same with you... you do not seem egotistical to me at all.

Oh well thank you chatbrat that was very nice of you.

This is so true. Socializing can be exhausting, however, when necessary, an NT does it with ease. We treat every one differently based on who they are and what they like/dislike. However, there are many other things we pick up on like tone of voice, posture, inflection, etc.

If your social anxiety is coming from being afraid of what others think, relax. NTs get beyond that within minutes. We like people and once the ice is broken, we don't care if you are a little akward. Problems with NTs is they can't politely speak up, some are too uptight.

I see AS people here over and over again saying how rude NTs are. Yes, there are more rude people in the world than not, however, an NT doesn't take it personally, where as AS people do. I think the way AS react is the brain wiring. I think you can teach yourself or have someone teach you that although you feel one way inside you can act another on the outside. We have been taught this from birth: "don't cry", "be nice even if you don't like the person", "don't let it show", etc. It is a learned behavior. As a child you don't have those impulse controls, but as you get older, you learn. Especially from mistakes.

You're welcome, Mr. Benson! : )

It is interesting what you say about sensitivity and acting differently on the outside than you feel on the inside - both those issues have been a real bane in my life also. My level of sensitivity is something I still find hard to predict, I may find that a certain event that I predicted would be horrible, wasn't actually that bad at all, only for me to get upset or despondent at another event later on in the day that I would typically enjoy. This heightened/differing level of sensitivity has quite an effect on my level of positive/negative thinking, I am not very good at predicting or affecting these mood fluctuations, perhaps because of the difficulties AS seems to bring in really understanding emotions.

The second issue of acting in a way that makes you more acceptable or likable in a group dynamic is something that I seem to be surprisingly good at (in small bursts), although I feel increasingly more dejected after such an event, because I'm really not being my social self at all, even if I don't know exactly what that is.

Sometimes I wish I was just more of a jerk, that is in the way I perceive a jerk to be, like the many selfish, manipulative, but (it would appear) ultimately happier individuals I see in real life.