Those Diagnosed Later In Life. And The Need To Be Optomistic

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Those diagnosed earlier in life will usually be the ones who do not mask or do not mask so well, and display more visual or mental autistic clues or indicators so will natrually get picked out and diagnosed earlier.


Those who went through most of their life without a diagnosis not even realizing they were on the spectrum, can find it a big step to take in, and most of them, like me, will usually find out via some sort of mental crash/burnout/breakdown when in desparation one may discover autism and what it is.

Lets face it. Autism is actually hard to define as when one realizes and ajusts to knowing one is on the spectrum, and then recieves a diagnosis, one then begins to question what life is like without being on the spectrum, because one can't make it out.
Yes, one has already gone through the revelation of how the diagnosis (Or those who have had a long wait to be assessed, one will likely have "Discovered" this sooner where things start to make sense...)
But the general two aspects tend to be an either/or situation where one says "I don't feel autistic" (Or/ad one may also go down the route of feeling "More autistic" ... ), where actually, autism itself is not itself a feeling... (Though one has feelings...)

There starts the questions to work out how one is different. One may know many traits, but one also tries to work out what those who are not on the spectrum feel like if they also come across difficult or tough situations, as each individual faces the difficult times in life.

In some ways, one can say when tough times come, everyone is effected, and we need to realize that trauma can happen to anyone and we need to be aware and try and comfort those in these situations regardless of who they are. (And I personally find I stand back and let others step in to comfort as I find that when I do it I am not always appreciated in this role, though I can't figure out why others are and I am not, but that is life and I have learned that if there are others, to let them take over that role).

But in life, I have tended to be more of a semi-loner. Not exactly alone, but not one who natrually is more of an introvert but at the same time, who kinda longs to be accepted by others as a normal human being...
(I have described myself in social situations as expected to be like a dog, who has to sit there without leaving the table as that would be classed as impolite, but if one tries to join in the conversation one is looked on a similar way to a dog barking and one is told to be quiet as people want to talk... Excluded but not allowed to leave to do ones own thing... Like a dog one has to look pretty and keep quiet which is no real way to live! (If one refuses to come one is made to feel like one has upset others by not being there... One can't win!)

Anyway.

What is it like to be autistic? What does it "Feel like" to be autistic? If one does not count some of the more obvious sensory issues that some may get, I have to say that in one word, the word that comes to mind is "Exclusion".

Being there but is excluded from the conversation... When one does talk, or is allowed to talk, ones words which are very appropiate and logical are ignored as if they don't matter. (If someone in athority said the same words, that personwould be thanked and called a hero! How come there are these two tiered rules?)

So the word I use to describe to others what it is like to be autistic, and I use the word "Excluded" because it is the most damaging and hurtful part of autism as part of ones daily life.

I often feel like an adult child by the way I am treated where as a child one would be told "Children should be seen but not heard". (It is annoying as when one speaks one gets this kind of approach thrust on one, yet when one shuts up and just sits there, one gets told off for not speaking! One is made to feel like one can't win, which can then have quite an impact on life, and one withdraws...)

I do sympathize with those on the spectrum in this way! This is not to say I don't sympathize with anyone else going through a tough time. But I can't demonstrate sympathy as if I do my words can be taken the wrong way because "I said them". So I can tend to walk away...
If I can be of practical help, and I am able to do it, as some stressful situations I could shut down in, which will add to the dilema of the situation, but if I can help, I will... As practical things I can do sometimes. Like "Ok. I will get the car out and take you home" (If someones car breaks down) or things like that.
So in some ways I can be a very practical person. And I do "Feel" for people despite it seeming like I may not care.
(Like my Mum said in regards to empathy/sympathy where I can't work out the difference as they blend in to one in my mind... "He may not notice how people are feeling around him, but when it is explained to him and he then does, he is mortified and does his best to try and help!")
[Though sometimes I can be in a dilemma where if I try to help I can make things worse, but if I don't and help was expected I can be made to feel bad there...]


Anyway! Lets look on the positive side of life.

This world is going through turmoil, and be we autistic or not, we all can get drawn into stress that was not designed for the human to take!
So my advice to anyone and everyone is to not look at the news. (As the news brings up things that we ourselves can't alter or fix, so we feel helpless and stressed which can effect our mental state).
The news also has some full on one sided manipulation going on especially in Britain, the USA and the west! It would make Hitler proud! So quit watching and listening to the news for ones own mental wellbeing and health! If one needs to know something, someone else will tell you!

Second to that, we need to look towards the good things. In the 1950's and the 1960's people were rebuilding after the war. Yes, many difficulties in many coutries on all sides of that war were being faced in trying to rebuild what they lost! Yet though all had been through terdible times, all then realizing they were in peace, started to rebuild, and the optomism took over as people worked together to build a better future for themselves and others around them! There was a feeling that everything was great!
Now we need to capture optimism. We need that "Happy days" feeling back!

As at the moment, as so many people tune into the daily brainwashing of negativity of the news channels, we are so critical of each other! Men view women of trying to trap them and try to label them as being horrible things because they are men. Women view all men as sexual preditors because their media brainwashed minds take over... It is going to end up in disaster as new generations being brought up are going to face the mass depopulation decline that is happening in the west today, especially amongst the white people, but also effecting others.
Everyone views each other with suspicion, and blames each other for things they had not done! And all because they are caught up in the media brainwashing we call "The news!"

Lets get back to the good times again. Lets start to see the good in others, and demonstrate the good in us! Lets share love for each other!

About six months to a year ago, my brothers ex wifes sister passed away. She was in her 40's and had a mental age of a child. But the one thing all those who knew her missed her for, was that she ALWAYS greeted people with a smileand was genuinely happy to see them! She made them feel like they were something special to her! No matter who you were, you had that lovely welcome!
That is priceless! Lets do that ourselves! Lets love each other and look for the good in each other!
Surely that is worth living for?

The one thing we can do is bypass our feelings and start to live an optomistic life, and it can be done a step at a time! Start ignoring the negatives. Leave them in the past! Lets find the positives and SHARE THEM!

DON'T BE AFRAID. BE BOLD. WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!

I fall to neither camps -- of feeling like the label looms over me or spending basically a lifetime wondering what's wrong with me.

And I'm not gonna repeat the story of how I'm diagnosed as a teen, yet never masked and supposed to be diagnosed as early as 5 if it weren't for socioeconomical reasons.


Exclusion isn't what I feel in being autistic.

... Mine is more like liberation.
And I'm not an optimistic person.

And I'm a prideful and egotistical person. Enough to want to be beyond the norm. Enough to delight over the fact that I have something that set me apart.

Then I met other autistics.
Mostly autistics like you.

Whom I cannot relate to.

In which I discovered another layer of humanity where I'm even apart from the degrees of human commonality related to relatedness, loneliness and isolation -- I don't experience the latter two.

Another layer related to the difference of reaction over the negative; fear, anxiety, adversity, etc.
Even of danger and trauma.
Like I'm somehow under a different archetype at the same time.

Even emotionality!
Turns out mine isn't typical of Asperger's.



I dunno.
To me, autism is more of an inclination and a lens that colors me.

One that doesn't revolve around trauma and distress.
I don't even need a compensatory cope like having higher IQ or needing to be seen.

I don't even need optimism.
I'm already lucky. I don't even have to practice gratitude to see that.



And I don't know how to give or pass to anyone who ever needed that optimism or 'luck'.

But you're a good volunteer.
To those who struggle the same.

And it is true -- there's really nothing to lose. Not in one's lifetime.
And that there's no true right ways, right decisions or choices...

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