Learning acceptance to cope with losses

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I have had most of what makes up a normal life taken away from me by my chronic illness (ME/CFS or chronic fatigue syndrome), more so than my mild autism I think, but I have a very hard time making friends and associating with people, which is made much worse by my inability to get out and do normal things but which I think is in large part due to the social impairment of ASD. All of this has been a challenge to cope with, as I like being close to people and having close friends and a partner, and it means a lot to me.

I have tried to cope with it by accepting that things are the way they are for me. I think that's far better than hoping and yearning for things I can't have, but it's a challenge. When my partner had terminal cancer for over a year and then died in 2015 I was really challenged to practice acceptance, knowing it was inevitable and was just going to happen.

Do you try to practice acceptance in your own life? And do you have strategies to be accepting? Or other coping mechanisms?

I am learning to accept the losses of friends and trying to make sense of it while trying not blame and shame myself for being neurodivergent and misunderstood. Some days are easier than others. I also have a chronic illness, had to stop working and struggle to socialize. I started taking online college classes and have created a goal of graduating. When I feel very down and lonely I focus on my goals.

It’s a tough question because there are some things currently in my life that I have great difficulty accepting. The best way I’ve found of dealing with things is to focus on things that I actually can control - even though some things are difficult for me and can’t change, I can still choose to improve my circumstances in other ways. I try to have hobbies and keep improving myself, so at least I can feel good about that, and celebrate small achievements.

I also try and not be too hard on myself if I’m feeling low about things. Things like grief, heartbreak, betrayal, family problems sometimes bubble up in my mind and make me feel terrible about things, some days much more than others. I find it helps to just sit with the feeling saying “this feels bad” and “this will carry on feeling bad”. Acknowledging the feeling and sitting with it for a while, helps me keep going.

I have trouble coming to terms with losing almost anything or anybody. Apart from hoping time will do some good, which it usually does, I don't really have any strategies, except trying not to dwell on negative thoughts too much. I don't think this closure thing people talk of always exists. Sometimes a loss remains a saddening thing forever.

I suppose one strategy might be to figure out what was so good about who or what was lost, and try to find new ways of getting that kind of thing elsewhere.

I've dealt with those types of losses due to chronic pain. I used to be on the clubhouse baseball team before my knee pain set in. Now i concentrate on things that I can today such as arts & crafts.

I dissociate with music, shut down, go mute, and isolate.
It helps me process and accept horrific truths.

I also find benefit in writing to help others.
It's easier than helping myself.

That's likely why I'm here so much.

I'll always be a work in progress, but that's OK.

Pretty much all my autism related posts are about acceptance in one way or another, so yes. I do miss physical things I used to be able to do and adding consideration of more risks in decision making that I never had to consider before is annoying and sad. I do accept that these negative feelings are normal reactions to these losses.

Posting a lot of news items does make me realize that my problems are not so significant. That helps with acceptance. Then there is the old saying that whatever problems I have in this life is better then the alternative.

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses.