Seems impossible.

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Been trying to grow "thick skin" ever since my mid twenties. No matter how hard I've tried, my true self goes loose. Maybe it is a combination of depression, trauma, and being ND that prevents me from not giving a s-word about unsolicated/uncalled for opinions. Or being treated like chipped liver.

I am probably generalizing when saying this but it seems people who grew up healthy are the ones with thick skin. By healthy I mean having a supportive family and no hurdles that are in their way in their daily life.

For me on the other hand, I have been abused by my parents as a child and been bullied relentlessly. Even as an adult I have been stepping on eggshells when living with my n-dad. My siblings often treat me like garbage. Currently working at a toxic job that is like having a monkey on my back.

I have heard several people saying you care less once you get older. But I don't see how aging will change who I am. Unless if they are referring to the development of the frontal lobe.

I get that too. I've had two things help me with it. One, I have learned that the words of bullies usually aren't valid. They're not objective critiques. Instead, they're words they use to hurt someone because they've learned it hurts them. The whole point is for you to feel hurt by their words. They're looking for a reaction. If you give them one, then you are participating in the game and blame gets murky since people generally don't know or care who started it, and the bully knows how to make others look like the problem. If you don't give them a reaction, then they will probably get bored or look like jerks to others. I have tested this. One time, I noticed that there was a potential bully in a group I had recently joined. What I did was share in the group chat that I loved when [the bully] would talk about me in any way. Good or bad, I felt loved. The goal was to communicate that anything the bully would say about me would make me feel better, which would be the opposite reaction of what he would be looking for. It seemed to have a helpful effect because he didn't say much about me that I know of, and he eventually got kicked out of the group for being generally annoying.

The other thing is a quote from Game of Thrones. One of the characters is a little person (called "imp" in the show) and has a lifelong history of being ridiculed for it even by his father. In the scene of the quote, he is talking to a character named Jon Snow who is from a noble family but was conceived and born out of marriage (a "bastard"), which was considered to be shameful. Tyrion keeps calling Jon a bastard, to which Jon is obviously upset. Tyrion gives Jon the advice that the world will never forget he is a bastard, so he should wear the identity like armor so it can't be used to hurt him. In this fashion, instead of feeling insulted or shameful for being autistic or whatever they're criticizing your for, be proud of it. There are lots of benefits to being autistic, and if you show them that when they use that to hurt your feelings you instead feel good about it, it can have the opposite effect.

If people are used to bullying you, they might get confused when you stop reacting to their attacks. They might even increase the intensity or frequency to try to get the same reaction out of you because what they value is control over you. If you're being safe and let their attacks slide off of you, then they will get tired and eventually stop.

I hope this helps!

Most people, as they age, become more comfortable in their own skin. Even with the sensitivities of Aspergers, the relative increase in confidence often lessens the impact the words of others can have. If you hear something that sounds hurtful, if you have some degree of confidence of the truth of who you are, you can more often dismiss something as erroneous or from a source that would be expected to have inaccurate observations.

While not as common as the casual hurtful words, the accusation or declaration with mal-intent can be challenged by saying, "That really hurt, why are you so mean". This calling a bully to give an account publicly can be a way of discouraging further attacks.

Other possible discouraging rejoinders;

I didn't realize it was your job to make and declare inaccurate assessments.
If you feel your opinions are so valuable, why don't you try to charge for them.
If you actually had something valuable to say, I would expect to see a line of people waiting for your pearls of wisdom.
If you are mean because of an inner demon, please confront your demon and not share him with me.

American tourists are notorious from blathering about whatever crosses their mind at the moment. Since we live in an American environment, we should expect that most people are going to say whatever they are thinking. Like swatting a dog with a rolled up newspaper communicates with a dog in a "language" he can understand, a verbal rejoinder,, that stings a bit, can communicate to a bully the advantage of backing off.

sounds like it might be time to go no-contact with some people. That means you don't talk to them, they don't get to talk to you.

Most forms of apathy doesn't mean thicker skin. Apathy is more like internalized contexts.

That it's less about being hit and feel less to nothing and refusing to be moved -- that's more of being thick skinned -- and more like not being hit at all; at the core, whatever the concept of you and your ego is placed.


I turned out to actually have a thicker skin than I thought.

Not because I grew.
But because some layered unwanted crap is bottlenecking it.


Else, with or without it, I'm actually apathetic.
Like I truly do not care.
That there's nothing to pretend to be affected over. That there's nothing stirring within me to manage.



Being thick skinned is more like desensitization.

Unfortunately, not everyone can choose between getting sensitized or desensitized overtime by constant toxicity as a way to cope and survive it.

To be desensitized is more or less like callousness, you feel something stirring; but you can choose to ignore, deny that reaction exists, pretend it doesn't get to you.

Sensitization is more like gaining an infection and lose more of it's function from whatever injury than gaining callouses.

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