What are your thoughts on having kids as someone with asd?

Post Reply New Topic

If you have had kids, how do you feel about your decision? Are you happy about your decision or do you regret it?

If you do not want have kids, what was your reasoning behind that decision?

If you are planning or intend to have kids in the future, are you worried that your children will inherit your autism?

had 2, raised them to independence, retired from my job, then found out all of us are ASD . It was a relief to learn "what was wrong" and why everything in life seemed so hard, but we all made it. I don't regret it. Raising kids was the hardest thing I have ever done, we had a lot of fun along the way, everything worked out OK. Knowing I (and the rest of my family) were autistic could have been a great help. Love and compassionate support of each other helped us survive even though we did not know our diagnoses at the time.

I don't want to have kids because I wouldn't be able to handle the constant demands. Some days I might be able, but others I definitely wouldn't. Still, there are no breaks for how I'm doing. It would be terrible for everyone involved.

I never thought I'd make a good dad because I'm too selfish with my time, too resentful of any external demands on my time. I'm constantly in my head, rarely present and prone to getting overwhelmed. It just seemed like a bad idea.

What you can't account for is the extent to which the biological imperative to care for your offspring kicks in. I think maybe you need to experience that to believe it. Suddenly, looking after your kid becomes what you want to spend your time on, unimaginable though that might seem. It doesn't always feel like a demand. Although sometimes it still does, just not to the extent I imagined.

I didn't know I was ASD until after I had a kid. I knew I was weird. I knew I had no friends and felt disconnected from people generally. But I wasn't worried about passing those traits on. I think I would have been, a bit, had I known. But on balance, my life has been worth it. And I think her life is worth it too. There's enough joy and pleasure to balance out the struggles.

I was more concerned about the environment and what sort of a world my kid would have to live in. I still worry about that and to be honest, that'd be a big part of why I wouldn't choose to have any more children. Far more of a factor than whether they would have ASD.

I think it's unethical.

Financial pressure is more difficult than autism

I'm not scared at the idea.
I likely strive for the responsibilities of caring one.

Didn't matter of it's an ND or an NT.
I know my circumstances, I know enough of my family curses. I also know what I want. I know genes are a gamble.

In inheriting my autism, I'm not scared either. In fact, I care not for it. I'm more worried about my paternal genes, it's vulnerabilities, sensitivities and health issues than autism.

If anything, I'd wish I pass on that one trait that I got from my maternal side of the family, one that made my own mother a not so average NT herself, one that lets me get away with being autistic and not end up having social anxiety or whatever made autistics too vulnerable to mental health issues.

So yes, I'm my own living proof that I'm not scared of passing my own autism.
Because I also have something that counteracts the usual so called narratives around living the autistic experience that is fear and anxiety and the usual hurts that I still, to this day, cannot ever relate as an autistic.

And if the kid has my own brand of autism and it hadn't get the counteractive trait? I'm quite prepared for it. Learnt too many things from countless accounts of the usual narratives that fell into the same pitfalls.


But the real question is, can I?
That, I somewhat doubt it.

Maybe, just maybe if I get lucky and manage to found a way to be more consistently feel and be like myself, than someone who's either sick or coping with unwanted crap or both -- better if I finally had attain a life I've been striving to have, and motherhood won't ruin it.


Or, at the minimum, end up having the strength to bypass those internal crap and focus at childcare.

But then, as I said, I doubted it because none so far had made me do so, nor is guaranteed if I ever will be -- and I don't want some potential burnout getting in a way of that by taking more than I can chew.


Me getting support for it is easy. And it's not necessarily a spouse -- I can imagine myself more easily as a mother than someone else's life partner of any form, let alone a lover or someone's wife.

I'm confident that I won't be alone rising any child. Better if a child gave me a state and motivation where I can create a village for; I already had an ideal real life model to emulate when it came to it.



In the end...
Right now, I'm not ready for one. Especially at the current states of many societies.

If I get lucky and got my lifelong wish, I'm ready to take responsibility for another life regardless of whatever situation societies are doing to themselves.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I've never had children. I have caught baby fever a few times, though, especially as I grow a little older...

But I'm mixed on it. I am a person who needs a lot of space, and I know that having children means you have no more space. Like not even being able to use the bathroom in peace... Ugh.

Another concern is how noisy children are. When I'm out in public and I hear children screaming it hurts my ears. It deregulates me instantly. Also how suddenly it happens throws me off.

Then we talk about how gross children are, too.

I don't know... I don't know if I'm a good fit to be a mom.

Finding a rightful partner, for me, is hard enough. Having kids? Well, I have mixed feelings over it. On one hand, if I do happen to become a parent, I want them to grow up to be better people, even better than I (especially considering my bad childhood). On the other hand, parenting is hard, and it's even harder considering the state of the world, namely the US, it's in.

I always wanted to be a mother. My son is 14 now. He’s so warm-hearted, smart, and funny. He also has autism and ADHD like me. I’m lucky to be his mom. Giving birth was the happiest day of my life. I’ve not regretted it for a single second.

I never wanted to have kids. I have various mental & physical disabilities some of which are related to autism but others are not. The odd thing is most of my disabilities including autism could supposedly be inherited but I don't really have any extended family members who have any of my issues except my dad has dyslexia & ADD. It's like I got the rarest disabilities from my family's gene pool. My parents were very hard-working salt of the earth types & I never felt like I was majorly understood or fit in with my parents or any my extended family, not the mention most of the rest of the world.

I'm a bit misanthropic due to being bullied as a kid & the news media & politicians making disabled people out to be lazy leeches sucking on the teats of the hard-working taxpayers because we majorly struggle to be independent & productive in this world. I really hope the hew-mon species goes extinct before we can go into space deep enough to take over alien plants claiming that we know what's best for them due to lots of humans or at least lots of our leaders overwhelming sense of entitlement & arrogance. I do NOT want to create another human who would be destined to majorly struggle in this world & made a scapegoat & hated on for being different & having issues.

My girlfriend likes kids & has helped teach kids bible study decades ago when she was involved with a church. Cass was told various times that she'd make a great mom or should have kids & similar types of things. However Cass has various disabilities & issues herself & neither of us feels we're capable of raising kids. In some ways both of us feel like we're kids ourselves but we also feel like we're parents of each other sometimes. I felt like I was a parent with my first girlfriend as well & I majorly f#cked that relationship up & will always hate myself for that. I learned, grew, & worked on myself in various ways sense then but I do not feel I'd ever be capable nor should ever be allowed to raise a kid.

What I think about other autistic adults or any other adults having kids is that it's a personal choice each person should make themselves or with their partners if they have partners. I believe having kids is a decision that should only be made after lots of research & deep critical thinking about themselves, their partners, living situation, lifestyle, & potential family support. I also feel very bad for kids who are suffering in life for whatever reasons but I do not have a clue how I could help since I can barely help my girlfriend & myself sometimes.

Would have wanted kids but I have this huge fear of losing control of my body, by which I mean childbirth and the possibility of vomiting. Your body changes during pregnancy, some of these changes can be permanent. Also I have a low pain tolerance. Pregnancy just frightens me and I can't go through with it. I don't know how others do it. And the pain from childbirth, I know I won't be able to cope with it. I have Endometriosis, which has caused severely painful periods that I couldn't cope with so had to go on the pill, and I heard childbirth is a period pain amplified 100 times. I reckon the pain giving birth is equivalent to the pain people suffered when being tortured in the medieval times.

If I was a man I could have biological children without ever becoming pregnant. A win-win.

I think my nose got permanently screwed up because of pregnancy!! !

My aunt said her bladder became notably weaker since she gave birth, many years ago.
Another woman said her teeth have weakened ever since she fell pregnant.