Hello, new here!

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Hi everyone! It's so nice to meet you all. I am Kayla, 21 from Pennsylvania. I found this site when looking for some support. My fiance has Aspergers syndrome. I love him to death and he is a great guy, but I could use help understanding his differences better. We see a therapist but I thought it would be good to get other people's view who are going through the same thing. We are getting married 10/31/09. We are going through some difficulties though we are trying to resolve or compromise on if possible. I try to be understanding but lately he has been snapping emotionally, he will say the meanest things, call me names and afterwards he is upset at himself. I tell myself he can't really help it. Our therapist is working on him with this. Also intimacy is an issue for us. We do have sex occasionally but he doesn't seem into it or know what to do after over a year of being together. The cuddling is good though He has a big fear of body fluids so that prevents intimacy. Does anyone else struggle with this? Also I suffer from Chronic Pain and various illnesses, most of the time he is very supportive although I am told people like him have no empathy. It comes through a bit if Im in the hospital for a few hours, he will get nasty that he is bored ect.. anything mean he can think of. Also showers are a big hassle for him, he hates to do it and I told him I need him to shower or we can not cuddle. He told me and our therapist he wants us to be happy and work and he wants to change. Is there ever change with Aspergers syndrome? Can he have his dreams of marriage and children? How do I be understanding but at the same time have my needs met? Any advice would be so helpful and welcomed. I would also like to make new friends on here. Feel free to reply, or I.M me on AIM. Thanks everyone!

you have a lot on your plate, more than you can chew.

he has several issues.

bull s. this is called abuse. abusers slap you on Sunday and tell you they wish they never married you, but apologize the next morning and tell you they love you and that they hate themselves for abusing you. then on Friday they bring you flowers. Next week the cycle goes on. The time period between the cycles gets shorter and shorter. I might be willing to give a quick health assesment about your fiance to see if he exibits any of the tell-take signs of being an abuser. you might be in denial though. he might not be an abuser at all - i'm just speaking in hypotheticals here. IF he was an abuser.

it might help if you write a list of issues you two have. may i try?

sex
explosive verbal/emotional abuse
empathy
chronic pain
hospitalization
showers
having needs met

My question is, has he ever hit you?

No he has never hit me. I should have clarified this him being short fused is not an every day thing. I don't think he is doing this on purpose, he doesn't show the signs like an abusive ex I had. When his anxiety gets bad is when he snaps. Thank you for your insight though, it means alot to me. Plus the list you made was very good!

wanna know what professionals think are the red flags of abusive guys?

Sure, if you want to share.

guess..

Sure, if you want to share.

one red flag is that they refuse to leave the hospital room and give the female patient privacy and answer all questions for her

Not him, he is the quiet one, I'm the loud mouth. When it takes long he goes to eat and things. He has never hovered over me.

welcome to wp

write a list of your needs and write specific things he did that are closest to meeting them
write things you'd like him to do
write list of things you don't like that he does

this might help you categorize your issues so you might deal with them seperately