What is sincerity?

Post Reply New Topic

My girlfriend has wanted flowers for a long time.
I don't know much about flowers, so I spent some time looking for online shopping. I found three bunches of sunflowers she liked from the place of origin, and in order to keep them fresh, I paid extra to have them shipped by air.
The flowers haven't arrived yet today, and I talked to her about this. She seemed unhappy that the flowers I bought were not beautifully packaged.
She doubted my sincerity.I mean, I don't understand what this has to do with sincerity.

(She clarified that she was not unhappy, but I still don’t understand what sincerity means)

Most guys would have just bought flowers from a local store in a rush because of it being a special occasion for her or because the guy screwed up & he's trying to make amends. Whereas you spent a little time looking online & paid extra for rushed shipping. She pressured you to buy her flowers & then stated the extremely obvious that you were being insincere but her reasoning was based on how the flowers were packaged which you might not of even had a choice about. I assume she's either upset with you for something else or she just hates that your not the type of guy who randomly does romantic stuff. If it's the latter you might not be compatible with her. How long have you two been together

The etymology of the word sincere is from the Latin meaning "without wax". It was used to describe pottery in the ancient world that did not have a leaking seam or hole that was plugged with wax so that it seemed to hold water when it actually wouldn't in the long run.

The usage today usually implies someone's intent. Rather than the traditional usage contrasting real with fraudulent intent, today's usage often means the degree or depth of emotional investment. For example the person that drives to a flower shop and purchases the fresh flowers himself has made a greater investment of himself which shows her how important getting the flowers was. In a way, the work done to get the flowers was also part of the gift and she felt that part was missing.

She might have seen tt as similar to if you were wealthy and had a servant go out and purchase the flowers for you.

In this case her use of the word "sincere" was more of an approximation than a precisely accurate word selection.

I think doing something because of obligation or pressure is not very sincere either which is common when guys buy their partners flowers & chocolate for Valentine's Day because it's expected of them. The OP may be worse at playing the romance game than other guys are & his partner majorly dislikes that.

It’s almost the first anniversary, and similar problems occur from time to time.

I've always been aware of this, but so far, I've been unable to learn it and get it right.
In this romance game, my partner doesn't care about the value of the gift, or even the amount of time I spent on it. She cares about the degree or depth of emotional investment.
What is this? Why does this thing make her happy?
How can I show it? Even if it's just acting.

I'm not sure how you can show that to her through romantic gestures. I'm not romantic at all & my girlfriend accepts that. I show Cass I love her with my daily actions like being affectionate, being supportive of her when she's having a bad time, spending time with her doing things she likes, being helpfull by doing various little chores & tasks for her. Cass also notices that I act a bit different with her & that I'm more closed off with everyone else. I'm NOT trying to brag, I'm wanting to give you some examples on ways you might could show your gf you care without doing the expected romantic stuff. Perhaps you could try explaining to your gf about how your not romantic like that but you still care about her. If you think your on the autism spectrum, it might help to explain that & asks that she researches autism. Otherwise your gf might be expecting you to be something your not or that you could change for her if you cared about het enough

^I see

What if I told you, that these acts of kindness and consideration (even small ones) are in fact romantic gestures. They may not be the stereotypical pop-culture tv-movie gestures like massive bouquets of flowers and clever and elaborate grand expressions, but they're from the heart, and they mean something. It shows you pay attention to her and her feelings, and entirely unprompted, choose to do these things you know would make her life easier, or better, or just make her happy.

Got it, thanks for the help

Your girlfriend seems to be overcritical and someone that expects you to spoil and pamper her. She sounds very ungrateful. I am not sure she's good for you.

I suppose we're never meant to find out.

I agree it sounds likely that she felt your heart wasn't really in it, but she seems to expect a lot of you, and to say it was insincere of you suggests to me that she was either trying to make you feel bad, somewhat insensitive, or just not very accurate with words.

If your heart really was in it, you could try telling her that. But it's a tad tricky because on the one hand she saw fit to point something of the kind out (and in what looks to me like rather an insensitive way), while on the other hand she says she's not unhappy, even though she seemed to be. It'd have been easier if she'd decided which way she wanted to pitch it, disappointed that it wasn't quite what she'd hoped for or happy that you made the effort you did for her. She doesn't seem very good at communicating or at choosing kind words.

Anyway, I'm one of those people who tends to love "not well but wisely," which is the opposite to Othello who I think died before his time.

Sincerity is very arguably the most overrated virtue.

It's often little more than an excuse for when things go wrong.

When you screw up, it doesn't matter whether you sincerely thought it would work -- you still screwed up.

I don't know, I quite like sincerity and I think there isn't enough of it. I never thought of it as being used as an excuse for a bad job. I guess the opposite of sincere is superficial, and I've no time for that.

To be honest, that sounds like total nonsense to me.

Not at all. Many people think that if they are sincere about something, then they shouldn't be blamed for it. After all, they meant well.

A prime example even though he didn't use the word "sincerity" or "sincerely" was in the WKRP turkey episode: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." It doesn't build character -- it excuses stupidity.