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I am 33 years old and have struggled for pretty much my entire life. I’ve gone to therapy throughout my life as well. I’ve been diagnosed with first social anxiety and then bipolar disorder. I don’t believe these fit me. I’ve tried now to reach out again for help. I keep getting told I appear normal and seem fine but I’m dying inside and haven’t left my house in a month. I believe I am on the spectrum because I’ve had a lot of burnout cycles in my life and have had it mentioned before. I don’t know to do at this point in my life anymore. Is there anyone who can help me gain some insight to what I experience because I feel left behind by Kaiser.

Might consider seeing a psyche doc, that is familiar with Autism . Would give you somewhere to be and someone to talk to. Then after 1 or two appts. ask about, if they might considrr evaluating yourself..for Autism or Asperger , ?? or some
potentially Neuro diverse condition. But from your description. Sounding more Autism like disorder .
Even possibly ,before seeing anyone , ask if they are able to diagnose Autism .. In the event. they can determine if thats is your situation. ? On the rare occassion, they might not have been in practice long enough. And may wish to send you to a second Psyche provider to confirm their diagnosis, Which they will have spoken to , before you get to see the other 2 nd Psyche provider. Hopegully you might get these covered by some kind of Public health insurance . Or
The market for Psyche people has many psyche people all trying to get business. Especially in Calif. There are even free legal / medical aide places that are donation based, That new Psyche therapist go to , To get their work hours in , that are required to get licensed by the State. Or just go there ," if in person" and fill out a application,to get services . Unless,they do it online. And have someone to get to hopefully talk to and get feedback from . BTW , when I used these services where I lived, You could ask for a change of Therapist / psyche professional, If you do not feel right about the interaction with the one you are initially assigned to . But if you get sent to a second psyche person , that is not part of
the medical aide services,you might need to pay out of pocket..but you can ask ahead of time. Very sorry that you have found yourself in your situation, right now. Hang in there please . btw am no fan of Kaiser, or United Healthcare

I really appreciate that response. That was a wealth of information. I’ll make sure I look in to that because I have limited insurance as it is so I’ve been trying to navigate Kaiser for help for years. I’m trying to hang in there. I dont know if you could relate to this, I feel so exhausted, I’m attending barber school but haven’t been able to go because when I did go I had a lot of trouble functioning. My speech was off, my coordination was off, I felt so delayed. I’m so exhausted I can’t even appear so called normal. It’s like I don’t have the energy to fake it to make it anymore. I’m going to look in to see what’s offered in my area. Thank you.

Have you done an online test for Autism?

When I began wondering if I might be Autistic both my bride and I started reading about it. And we both thought it sounded like me. But, neither of us is trained for doing that kind of assessment so I still was very unsure.

Then I discovered AQ. When I took it they result was "significant Autistic traits (Autism)". Then I got my bride to take it on my behalf, answering things the way she thought I should. She got the same result.

That gave me enough confidence in my suspicion, for free, that I continued on to a formal assessment...with some confidence that I wasn't just wasting money.

The formal diagnosis I got was: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level1 (Mild), with an additional note that I also satisfied the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome.

I was almost 65 when I got the diagnosis and had been happily retired since I was 56 so the diagnosis had no practical value for me. (I'm trying to get some of my medical providers to adjust how they do things because of the diagnosis—to improve our mutual communication—but, so far, not much luck in that.)

Nonetheless, I am delighted I got the diagnosis. Now I know what is wrong with everyone!

Yes I have done some of the tests. ChatGPT recommended three different ones. I took those and scored high on them for HFA and one was for high masking if I remember right. After that I had a similar experience as you where my girlfriend and I then looked deeper and thought the same thing, like oh that does really sound like me. For me after looking in to it, it does make my life make sense. So I am trying to get an evaluation because I just keep getting told that I appear fine. The new therapist I tried last week said that after I told her I wasn’t and that I haven’t left my house in a month. I’ve made some calls though from the help I’ve gotten here today. I appreciate the info because I don’t really know what to think.

Good luck with the assessment (that is, I hope you get the formal diagnosis )

And, unless the new therapist (a) specializes in Autism and (b) did a formal assessment, I know what I'd think of the new therapist.

P.S. I suspect that if you get a formal assessment from a psychologist who specialize in Autism you'll likely discover the assessment process is kind of fun. I know I did. But, normally they're assessing someone around six years old! The psychologist who assessed me seemed slightly embarrassed about that but I thought it was funny...and I did not see any reason it would've changed the result.

Btw : Ronbungundy, incase no one thought to? btw Welcome to Wrong Planet

Being a barber might be stressful both for the precision that is needed and the social conversational demands.

I always liked working third shift jobs that limited social interaction. Another possibility is taking temporary jobs that limit social encounters.

I picked barbering because I cut my own hair as well as my dad and my brothers. I cut their hair at my parents home which is a safe zone for me. I can put myself in a bubble and get sucked in and really get like flow state. I can’t transition that in to barber school though because of the things you’re mentioning. I also am having trouble just leaving my house at the moment. I other job was first shift manufacturing. I was lucky to where I got to work mainly on my own and would put myself in a bubble and did really well. It’s always transitioning for me that gets in the way. So when I would go on break or lunch or end of shift I’d feel like I was walking out of a cave I’ve been in for years and getting flooded. I was embarrassed because I could barely walk down the hall let alone socialize. I’ve been pushing through life the whole time, I always get the same result. Do well for a little then burn out. I just don’t know where I fit. I don’t know what going to workout. I keep trying though I just keep getting knocked down. My life really has been the same story the whole time. I’ve spent my life trying to regulate a state of being and when I can’t I lose my abilities. Thank you for the warm welcomes and information given I’m someone who is undiagnosed.

Uhm.. by your description . Of how you reacted to working and the drain on you . I recognized those symptoms from long ago. When I was employed by businesses back then. It was hard .." no offence intended" but possibly a more sheltered work environment might be appropriate . (Or otherwise entry level jobs) just to get you some employment .
Or gain a tolerance ,to work, develop abilities to do a regular 9-5 job , or even part time . Till you recover .
The Good Will Industries does the type of sheltered work environment Which I wrote of . Should you wish to start slow back into the work force. (Basic training to be employed ). If you do not think, that would look good on your work record.
You do not use them on your resume,unless you wish to, or they might provide further help for employment? never actually worked for them but observed their business model as best as I could. slightly different topic .
Have you discovered any hobbies , you can easily do at home. That might provide a level of distraction, to the point of preseveration? Or can you talk one of your relatives into a free haircut . The distraction will likely provide some measure of healing, Which from your description of needing to recover at home . Get your mind off of other stuff, to allow healing.Even for a short time . Eating well for you snd whatever supplements you might usually take daily.
May help as well . Well not everyone thinks to meditate , somehow. May let your mind rest. And you can be yourself.
Aspies noticeably can have long meltdowns . Which they need serious recovery ( healing)from, usually it may involving ,not taking time enough to recover from extended periods of masking,to be able to perform ( deal with) Public interactions . Might check out online ( utubes) on preparing for a licensed barber Exam...? stuff like sterilization of your instruments But might leave that for after, some recovery . There are even ASMIR videos of haircutting, And just the sound of scissors quietly cutting hair are played, and thst, even relaxes some people. Best Wishes