Question for NTs

Post Reply New Topic

Anyone can answer this no matter what your neurotype is but I am very interested in what NTs have to say about this.

I have had so many interactions with nts where when I tell them that I am Autistic, they respond by saying, "But you are doing so well." These are people are complete strangers, have never met me before and who do not have any kind of actual relationship with me so they basically know absolutely nothing about me other than what they can see in the direct conversation we are currently having.

I have two questions about this. First, I find it feel incredibly condescending. Does anyone else feel that way when Nts do that to you?

Second, and this is my question to the nts, when nts tell me how "well" I am doing "despite being Autistic," what exactly are you guys comparing me to? What makes you able to decide how well I am actually doing and who gave you the authority and qualifications to decide that? Do you think it's some kind of compliment? Because I don't think it is.

@skibum
Thanks for the questions maestra Skibum,

q1: Yes, I find it to be condescending as well, that's my emotional immediate feedback, I also have mental immediate feedback telling me "that they do not know any better."

q2: I propose the following to you: It's a human response not NT or ND. I remember my younger self (23years of age) meeting my first patient with Alzheimer's and stating something similar to them. Knowing my own mind and thought process at that time, I assure you, there was no "comparing" or "decision making" going on, at the time of my statement to them. I was merely auto stating the socially upheld trope to display compassion. Many humans never reach the level of mindfulness that allows them to short-cut these tropes/reflexes and in my case, I tried never to fall for that pitfall again. When people address me on my ASD, I'm Always carrying around some business cards I printed explaining my exact symptoms, as such I can 'enlighten' those I feel are (excuse the term here)'worthy' and I leave the rest with a gentle nod and polite 'thank you'.

kind regards,
Kada

I don’t think most of time it is done with condescending intent, but done out of literal ignorance about autism with well meaning intent. The above is not a denial that sometimes it is a way of saying you not really autistic. It can be hard for us to tell the difference because we may not pick up the difference in tone how a well meaning person delivers those words verses those accusing us of not being

Putting aside intent it is understandable autistics would feel offended by those words. Personally I would feel the person is being dismissive of more than condescended to.

Thank you for your responses. What you both say makes a lot of sense. I hadn't thought about those perspectives. Thank you.

And Kada, I LOVE "Maestra Skibum!!" That made me smile all day!! Thank you!