Using "sorry but I can't tell if you're (insert state)" line
Hi guys, I'm wondering if you ever tried the clearing of "Sorry but I can't tell if you're (insert emotional state / intent / meaning here) ? "
I mean, obviously if your interlocutor's expression is more subtle, not like yelling or sobbing or whatever.
I've used this a few times, e.g. "Sorry, but I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or serious", or "Sorry, but I can't tell if you're angry or upset or... etc."
The trouble is, when you've got (NT) peers around, they all know what the other person's state of mind and intent is, so they think you're weird for asking (or, passive-aggressive in the best case scenario).
But if it's one-on-one, then you've got more leeway. Except maybe if it's a boss at work, then they might think you're socio-emotionally incompetent, and possibly want to get rid of you or give you more grunt work or less hours as a form of constructive dismissal. ![]()
NTs don't always get it either. Yesterday I was with two presumably NT colleagues who were having a conversation. The guy asked the woman why some other guy left, and the woman replied, "the management s**t on him". (That phase is a commonly used around here to mean "they were unfair to him"). The guy looked confused for a moment and awkwardly asked if she meant that literally or metaphorically. I assumed she meant it metaphorically, which she did. Then we all laughed at his confusion.
So it's no big deal really if you don't always get it, as NTs can make the same errors too. The trick is to be confident about it, if they laugh then laugh with them and then move on.
I know it must be more harder for an autistic person to have to figure this out almost every time. I'm quite lucky to be an Aspie who can read between the lines without much trouble. My biggest social downfall is impulsiveness and hyperactivity. (Hyperactivity can mean hyper-social in ADHD adults).
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CockneyRebel
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