Late diagnosis reveal to parents

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I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety 15 years ago. For the past 15 years I have tried over 10 anti depressants and over 10 anti anxiety medications. Max dosed out on nearly every one with minimal results. I was inspired by my friend who was misdiagnosed with depression who got evaluated and received an autism diagnosis. With the support of my therapist and psychiatrist, I found a clinic who performed both adhd and asd evaluations. I was officially diagnosed with adhd and autism level 1 about 3 months ago.

Here’s my biggest challenge: the reveal of the two huge and completely missed diagnoses to my family (particularly my parents).

Me: I was diagnosed with adhd and autism
Dad: you don’t look like someone with autism
Mom: that’s….interesting. I don’t see it

I emailed them my 13 page formal evaluation and diagnosis explanation. No response or reaction.

It seems like they don’t believe me which is making it hard for me to accept the diagnoses myself. They don’t want to talk about it but I want to. I just don’t know what to say. I’m also afraid to tell any other family members because I don’t know how they will react. Any kind words of advice would be extremely helpful. I need help guiding a conversation and explaining to them it is real, I don’t blame them for missing indicators, and I need their support.

Thank you!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Not to be a downer but from my experience it is just easier to stay in the closet.

Unfortunately, many people will just never understand, and you will have you accept that. You can spew out facts and figures about Autism as well as personal lived experiences that aline with the diagnostic criteria, until you are blue in the face, and people will still believe whatever they want.

I'm not saying give up on your parents or family just yet, but keep your expectations low for the time being, it may take some time for them to come around.

Fortunately there are people out there who will believe you, surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and are supportive. I would look into attending a Autism support group in your area, if one is available. I have benefited from such groups in the past and really enjoyed them.

Good luck on your Autism journey, and I look forward to possibly reading about it here in the future.

Cheers,

CFL

Hi, I've been there too. My parents wouldn't believe it. especially my mother. Despite me putting the evidence packet together for them as well- they couldn't get past their own blocks in accepting it. I think a big part of it is fear - it leads to the direct "Is that what's wrong with me?" on their end and it also is harder from a generational perspective I think too because unless you had Level 2 type needs you lumped in as quirky or odd, not disabled. I've spent years coming to terms with what could have/should have been. It was a big part of the process for me in accepting myself and forgiving my parents. We were working class - too many kids in too small a space and trained to survive above all else. I hope that you find. In a late life twist, my mother has entered therapy at 65 and I think she's beginning to understand and forgive herself. So many variables in life - I hope that you find comfort in your diagnosis and that over time your parents are courageous and seek to understand.

Me: Right! I know. I only have one nose!

Where I'm from even the so-called experts think of autism as a less sever form of mental ret@rdation so it's no surprise to me that some parents don't believe their kid or adult kid is on the autism spectrum due to misconceptions about what autism is. Unfortunately it's also not that uncommon for some parents to be non-supportive even if they agree that their kid is autistic. I agree with Canadian Freedom Lover's advice. It might be best not to rock the boat so the speak. If there is something specific you'd like your parents to do or not do as an accommodation you could try telling them that directly but otherwise you don't want to risk straining your relationship with your parents.

My parents know because they had to be interviewed for me to get a diagnosis. We haven't talked about it since. That was 9 years ago.

“That’s not autism, it’s just a family thing”

that's essentially what i did. Likewise over dyslexia (there was a suspicion of me being dyslexic but my mum blamed the "modern" teaching methods),

WHAT autism IS has changed significantly over the past 120 years or so. You should try to get a road map for the understanding level of your parents and your own.

Your personal understanding of autism (and ADHD) is what is important right now, because you are the person affected.

However, as a 48 year old who has studied these things for some time but also lived in the world, I can tell you that autism as we understand it right now is drastically different than how it was known in the 1980s and 1990s. It is light years different from where it was in the 1950s. There was a rudimentary understanding of autism in 1900 that is fantastically different still, but we don't need to go there.

It is not as different with ADHD, but there is still a change in understanding there too. I would start with asking them how would they describe these conditions. Then I wouldn't call them "wrong", but try to get them to see that in the modern day, the diagnostic criteria has changed and this is the current understanding. You aren't medicalizing yourself with the late diagnosis. Just getting a better way to navigate the world.