Could it be?

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Hi guys.
I accidentally found out about asperger's syndrome (until then I wasn't aware that such a thing exists), and to my surprise, most characteristics associated with it kind of hit home. It was like a sort of "enlightenment"

You see, I'm a normal person, with normal, loving parents, and a relatively normal IQ (around 118), but I've always had "social" problems. That is, I never really "fit in" groups of any kind, due to my apparent oddity.
My mom told me that I was talking clearly before learning to walk, and after those "achievements", I used to pile or arrange stuff like toys, forming a sort of pattern. If someone took one item off that stack I would get upset.
I loved small things, such as rocks, those collectible toys, colored buttons, coins, etc. I also had a weird attachment to certain objects, that I would've never, ever thrown away. They had to be thrown away eventually . I still have these "issues". I don't collect stuff though, but when I'm trying to explain something to someone, I tend to arrange the objects that are in front of me, or play with something, such as a pen, a thread, etc, or move my feet, instead of looking at the person's eyes. Doing something else over and over again while discussing something... or simply thinking... helps me stay concentrated and comfortable.

Now there's another thing: I don't understand people. Sometimes I feel like I was born yesterday, and told about all the "aspects" of life, instead of experiencing them myself. An example: having to act a certain way under certain circumstances, such as, say, meeting someone. I can't think of any good examples right now, but the thing is, I always have to remind myself that no one likes "dull" or "cold" people.
When I watch a movie, or notice a piece of art (painting, photograph, sculpture, song, etc) or a machine, I'm interested in how it was made, first, instead of what it represents or why it was made.

I've also had to deal with mockery at school. During middle school, I was mocked for all sorts of reasons - they'd always find some "flaw" to laugh at. They chose me instead of anyone else because I didn't react much, or at all. I didn't know how. I know it sounds weird, but that's how it is. I knew that if I tried, I would regret it later.
During that period I'd developed a strong, long lasting fear of interacting with people, or an inferiority complex. I can't seem to get rid of it now. What seemed to be a phobia or a complex, has now become a serious problem. I'm in high school now, and I'm even nervous about doing ordinary things, like go for a walk, go to the doctor, shop, talk to someone on the phone, etc.

I no longer have problems with fellow students, though, but I'm still uncomfortable around them. They don't like to spend time with me, and now I know why - I'm too "hostile" for them. I don't tell them anything about me, I try not to show any feelings. The lack of "social stimulation" doesn't really bother me anymore though.

The only thing that bothers me is that this "issue" might affect my success in life. You can't do anything without talking to people. Finding good jobs might also be a problem. I've had a couple of crappy summer jobs so far, like putting fliers in mailboxes.

I'm aware of the problem, I know the cause of it, but I can't get rid of it for good.
I'm going to have to give two oral exams this year, and that scares the hell out of me.
Now, do you think that I have AS? I've never been officially diagnosed, I just assumed.
For those of you who have AS, and/or social phobia, how do you cope with it? Thanks

What is the "cause" of it? I've never been able to figure out that one yet.

Sorry, I was talking about the fear. Wrote when it formed a few lines up

Last edited by gri on 06 Sep 2007, 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

It sounds like enough of a possibility. You seem very much like the rest of us, going by your description. As for how to cope... I'm still figuring out that one myself.

I hope you'll make yourself at home here. Welcome!

I don't think anyone really knows at this point. Lots of differences have been noted or theorized on - slightly different development of brain structures, changes in neurotransmitters (lots of focus on serotonin, not sure that it is THE one, oxytocin is also interesting), high levels of phospholipase A, etc. etc.

Recognition of AS is relatively recent, and the amount of research out there is still small.

Thanks.

You pose a very interesting question, in that you're concerned with future success in your career, but you don't necessarily feel the pressing need to improve socially to help you out with relationships.

The few things I can offer you are as follows:

1. Middle school sucks for almost everyone, even the kids that appear to be socially gifted. Those of us who had hard times in middle school are surprised to realize this. I think the only ones who come through unscathed are in the very middle of the social strata -- not the ones who are picked on, and not the ones who are the "in" group.

2. High school is just barely a step up from middle school. Depending upon your age, it would appear in my experience that when AS people become juniors and seniors, they sometime hit their stride because individuality and unusual humor is valued. Think of all of the rock and alternative bands that you may like, or that others like -- hardly ANY of those guys are normal. THOSE are the guys who are just weird enough to put themselves out there and become successful artists.

3. I have an NT daughter who is gorgeous, very bright, kind, funny, hardworking, and socially gifted. She hates high school. Not unlike most people with Asperger's, she is bored with most of her peers, she finds small talk dull, she is annoyed with the cloying, obnoxious behavior of the popular crowd, and she just doesn't want to mix with them. She has few friends, she turns down dates almost ALWAYS (because there aren't interesting boys out there). Frankly, I think she has enjoyed hanging with her 21 year old aspie brother, and anyone less interesting than him isn't worth her time.

4. The 21 year old aspie brother is in college now. I think that is the first place he has felt comfortable. He is VERY happy now. He is also learning social skills that he's never had prior to this.

I guess my main point is -- IT GETS BETTER WITH TIME. I think that people with Asperger's are just too mature for the world -- when their peers finally catch up, when apsie's are in the twenties, somehow the world can possibly be a better place.

You sound very aware -- just keep looking into Asperger's, reading up on it, and if you get the opportunity, take an acting class. Acting classes sound like the best way for Aspie's to begin to understand why NT's act like they do.

Kris

Thanks for replying. I suppose you're right. However, I should make an effort to change myself too. Nice to hear about your son, but I'm not sure if college will have the same impact on me . This is my last year of high school.
The problem is not necessarily the possibility of having AS, it's the irrational fear that I have. AS and extreme sociophobia are two entirely different things. When combined, the results can be disastrous in some cases.
Hopefully this thing will fade in time, like you said.
To reply to your first statement - that's true, I'm not looking for friendships and such. I've never really had any friends as a matter of fact, except one, who seemed to understand me, and with whom I'm currently in a relationship right now. I don't need anything else.

About the top 3/4 of your post sounded awfully familiar and I kept reading it through thinking 'me too', so you might have AS. I'm saying 'might' because I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist. There are a couple of choices to confirm your diagnosis, one is an online test and the other is an appointment with a psychiatrist. The online test is cheaper and quicker

Can someone supply the URL for the test, I can't find it?

Ed Almos

P.S. Welcome to the club

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
http://www.msnbc.com/modules/newsweek/a ... efault.asp

Thanks.
I've done both tests, and I've got a 152/200 and a 41/50. Is that bad ?

I think it could be!