Why do people assume i'm rude?

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I'm a straight forward person when it comes to my life. i decided later in life i didn't wish to change that about me because it was apart of who i am and because of it it's given me many true friends even if some didn't enjoy that about me.
I am having a hard time understanding why some people keep telling me to not be rude.
I'm straight forward yes, but form what i see inside myself i'm never rude, iv'e gone backwards and looked at what i said like people advised me to and everything. But nothing has struck me as i did or said something wrong or mean.
Is sugar coating the world what they want?!
It makes me upset i can't be me because they don't wish for me to speak my mind.
Because they say they don't mind me speaking my mind, but if they don't mind that then what's rude about me?
Sometimes i try so hard to get them to understand that i'm not being a jerk and they still don't
so why do i always have to fix me for society?!
when i don't see anything i'm doing wrong

People see you as rude because NTs take directness as offensive and maybe even emotionally abusive. They wish "no, thank you" instead of just a plain "no". They also do not want to hear honest opinions but rather would like you to downplay your opinion so that it comes across as mild. They want you to be polite and respond to actions with polite words like "thank you", "please", "Have a good one.", "Bon appetit" and so on. Their problem is that they expect a lot from you that you wont necessarily understand the purpose or necessity of.

I am a very straight forward yet very polite person (always using my pleases and thank yous). Still, for some reason people in their 20s (and ONLY their 20s) seem to interpret everything I say as rude. For example, I was captaining a softball team, we were a few minutes late starting and I asked the other captain if he was ready to play. He snapped back angrily "we got 10 minutes to field a team". The same thing happened to someone else and he said "can you give us a few minutes? Our players are running late.... Thank you."

I still can't figure out how asking politely if you are ready to play can ever be classified as rude especially since we have a strict time limit we have to adhere to!

Its not unique to NT's, there's a lot of particular Aspies too

Yes.



I do not have to change. But because there are more of them than me, if I want to interact productively with society I have to adapt. As the saying goes: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

When you try hard like that, it puts other people in the position to be judgmental about it. It also puts people on the defense if they feel like you're disagreeing with their perceptions of you.

Because "rude" is an imaginary construct of the hive-mind.

It seems that most people assume that everyone is "gaming", because they usually are, and that a "negative" meaning is intended. This automatically triggers a defensive posture. Sensitivity varies with the individual.

There are a lot of times that people are rude to me and I don't catch it, and other times when I think they have been rude, but they don't think so. It has to do with different interpretations of intent.

It wouldn't have to be so complicated if our communication methods were not so deceptive.

You keep mentioning this "hive-mind", what do you mean by it?

Yes, we often try to mirror or mimic our environments.
We emulate patterns we observe in other people.

There have been many times when I was mentally trying to focus on the information content of a communication, but also think "I think I'm supposed to be offended by this".

The fact that the other person is almost always using "gaming" and focusing on emotional manipulation is the biggest contributing factor to this.
If I'm communicating with a person more like myself, then I am able to focus on the information content and ignore any inclinations to be emotionally defensive about how the information is delivered, - but I rarely get the opportunity to communicate with people who allow that type of environment. I think that's why I come here a lot.

I agree.

OP this thread might help you
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=87241

Most people don't really understand straight-forward communication to just mean exactly what it says...they are looking for some other motive or agenda in it.

A self-assembled construct of memetic codes (algorithms), that is shared by individual components of the whole society, and evolves over time.

It's a type of "system intelligence".
Compare it to the information code that allows fish to swim synchronously in a school.

For NT types with strongly developed identities, it basically defines a reality for them that they share with many others.
Our reality is much more confused and individualized.

Richard Dawkins first explored the realm of memetics when he wrote "The Selfish Gene".
The memetic codes are the information that drives the physical genes to do what they do, and result in behavior patterns that we observe.

So are you inferring NT's as a class when you use the term?

- a really great thread. Is Greentea still around?

Doesn't appear to be.

I don't know exactly what you mean by "class".
I refer to NTs as a neurotype in a general way to describe basic shared characteristics or abilities.

In my example an NT would be represented by one of the fish capable of properly hosting the hive-mind algorithms, and having the ability to swim synchronously with the school.
A non-NT would be represented by a solitary fish, not capable of joining the school.
It's system intelligence versus individual intelligence. Is that what you'd call a class?

Oh sorry I thought with you using the term system intelligence that you'd be conversant with the term class, it means group, set, etc.

I was mainly referring to the computing term but its widely used in most areas of life: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Class