Is it possible for aspies to learn to act and talk "nor

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Mw99
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17 Sep 2007, 6:45 pm

Or are we bound to be different the rest of our lives?



dime_jaguar
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17 Sep 2007, 6:54 pm

Mw99 wrote:
Or are we bound to be different the rest of our lives?


probably never, always gonna be different, unique, and one of a kind....wait thats everyone


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Remnant
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17 Sep 2007, 7:09 pm

Crudeness edited out.

Acting "normal" seems to me to be way too mixed up with hurting people.

The things I said then edited out come from personal experience.



Last edited by Remnant on 17 Sep 2007, 8:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Cordelia
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17 Sep 2007, 7:29 pm

WHO are you? 8O



Remnant
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17 Sep 2007, 8:03 pm

Cordelia wrote:
WHO are you? 8O


I'm the guy who won't screw other people around to try to look normal.



Dee_
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17 Sep 2007, 8:04 pm

Typing still takes me a bit to do.

Having an obsession with observing other people's interactions and the such, I have been ablle to figure out some of these social patterns that they communicat in, such as body movements, body language, eye contact and types of verbal gestures that they commmunicate with, in group settings.

I have been able, to a good extent, adapt some of these things I ahve observed and able to communicate with people in the mannarism that I observed, like mimicing other peoples social behaviors with me adapting them a bit and using that to communcats somewhat semi-normal... At times there are awkward times though.

Yet I am still myself, have not changed myself to be like tham but rather like a 'chameleon' able to blend in to their social gatherings... as long as my stress levels are manageable because of the groups of people.



Mw99
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17 Sep 2007, 9:14 pm

Remnant wrote:
Cordelia wrote:
WHO are you? 8O


I'm the guy who won't screw other people around to try to look normal.


Remnant, "normal" people don't screw other people around. Jerks do.



Cordelia
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19 Sep 2007, 7:07 pm

okay...i'm just now getting back to this thread.

HEY!! !!

I hurt people all the times with my aspergers, because I don't understand the social norms. Someone just visited my desk at work, I thought she was just wasting time, WAITING TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE. SO, I talked for awhile. I didn't realize she was "visiting"...and yes, I was rude by not realizeing that and I hurt her feelings. she doesn't even look at me now. What did my aspie self do to hurt her feelings? I told her I was only talking to her to occupy her time. At the time, it was the truth, because I"m not a chit-chat type of person. However, she interpreted to be....she's not interesting enough for me to have an idle conversation with.

So...what's the fricken' upshot? It's okay to try and learn the culture of those we interact with.



ArcAngel06
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19 Sep 2007, 7:22 pm

I am living proof that it is 100 percent possible.
I read alot about body language and I also anchor in groups beside someone I perceive as a "blender" and I mimic their posture, stance and behaviour.
Left to my own devices I would rather go read a magazine in the corner but I know this is socially unacceptable
NTs like you to ask them lots of questions about themselves and they like to be complimented so I do that to form friendships
I have to excercise an unusual amount of reserve in conversation which can leave me very frustrated as I have a really high intolerance for ignorance and just plain stupidity.
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty



digger1
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19 Sep 2007, 8:48 pm

Most of the time esp. on the job, I can "turn it on" and become charming and upbeat but if you were to hang out with me or whatever, you'd see that I'm dull as dishwater - whatever that means.



CentralFLM
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19 Sep 2007, 9:03 pm

I don't see the hope that a lot of you guys see. If you didn't have eye sight could you cope? Of course, you would get a walking stick, dog, etc. to aid you in "seeing". Aspergers is the same way. You can use other parts of the brain to compensate for the lack of ability in the frontal lobes, however it will be twice as hard and simply not enjoyable. Guys, socializing doesn't suppose to be hard. It should be like riding a bicycle or breathing. You, like myself, can try really hard and get somewhere with trying. However, after the 3rd, 4th, 10th time meeting the same person or persons the "real you" will start coming out. You'll start putting them off, saying the wrong thing, looking uncomfortable, etc. I personally think it gets HARDER as we get older.



digger1
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19 Sep 2007, 9:11 pm

seems to me that AS is all about mastering, memorizing and making esoteric things second nature to us. We tend to become experts on a subject in whatever interests us like baseball stats or the Star Wars universe. If you took an interest, an all-encompassing interest in being social and mastering being friendly, you could do it, methinks.



skahthic
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20 Sep 2007, 1:46 am

For me to feel "normal" around others, it is best if I am surrounded by people who don't get offended easily, who enjoy my likes, who don't mind people who may act differently at times ( some people think i am on drugs or medication because of my mannerisms, which makes me wonder if THEY'RE on drugs) and open minded people. Because I work in a field where the average joe is either very easygoing or the opposite, I end up offending roughly half of the people I work with if I behave normally. So for the half that gets offended easily, i just shut up and work--- I still seem different, but it's a more acceptable form of it.
At home, by BF is fine with me acting my usual self--- it's strange at times. Sometimes I get clingy with him ( probably because he listens to me and understands me better than most) and other times I'll be so absorbed in something that i totally ignore him, which is not good. I've been trying to even-ize myself in this, and with decent results.
If I have to be around people for a while or repeatedly, the real me will start to come out--- it is inevitable.



Irulan
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20 Sep 2007, 3:17 am

I'd like to be better at dealing with people but for me it would be too tedious task to pretend that I'm like others so now I don't do it practically at all. I like my own world and I wouldn't exchange it for anything.

Anyway, I can't judge what other people think about me and how my behaviour is perceived by them.



Jellybean
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20 Sep 2007, 8:38 am

I don't bother pretending to be 'normal' (whatever that is...) because I just get it wrong and make myself look like a plonker...


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Triangular_Trees
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20 Sep 2007, 8:52 am

They can but they might always have to take a moment to think about things first. Search for "Jed Baker." He helps aspies of all ages do just this