Early sign we missed??????????

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When my daughter was 18 months old, we put her down for a nap while we erected an 18 foot Christmas tree in the living room with her big sister. wHEN SHE WAS UP FROM HER NAP, SHE SAW THE TREE, RAN TO A CORNER in the kitchen and hid her face. She did not speak (she had been using phrases) again for at least 5 months. I never realized this might be a sign - i just thought we surprised her - duh.

Maybe it was a sign, but without a pattern of behavior don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe she just got spooked by a huge, spiny thing with dangling ornaments, which is understandable for a little girl.

Since we just recently got a diagnosis, i guess I am just grasping for all those signs a "good mom" wopuld have seen. Effort better put into a productive future than rumianting about things past, i suspose. We lost her dad 2 years ago and I thought many of the AS symptoms were depression or reaction to that loss. Glas I now have a bit of direction - although it seems daunting! Thanks for your post

Stop being foolish by worrying about 'back then.' Concentrate on the time NOW so that you don't miss out on something NOW and regret it LATER, when you have adopted the habit of stewing about the past.

In short:

Get over it.

And if you ignore that advice, you deserve every bit of mental pain you experience.

Please don't be hard on yourself. I have 2, possibly 3, children with AS. The first was diagnosed this past February. He was 12. The second was diagnosed this past April, he was 16.
I look back now and I see all of the things that were different and there were many, believe me. I did ask the doctor about a few things, but at such a young age (1 to 3 years) it is often hard to see what is a phase and was is a developmental issue. I have my diploma in Early Childhood Education and I can see these things clearly in most children. It gets a little foggy when it is your own child that you are with every day.

There is nothing you can do to change the past. Now that you have a diagnosis for her, you can do what you need to do to see that she continues to grow. AS is not necessarily a bad things. My kids are teenagers and when I asked them if they ever wish they didn't have it, I got a resounding NO!

Good luck!
Lauri
( There is a parents forum where you will find many, many other parents with great advice and support!)

Don't beat yourself up about it. We DID notice a LOT of signs, even as an infant, and didn't get our daughter evaluated. She was fine, was doing good in school, etc, so we figured why bother? We finally sought help when she was 8, when her meltdowns started making our afternoons a living Hell and got an official diagnosis at 9. Does that mean I'm a bad mother? I don't think so. We got help when we needed it. She has a diagnosis on file at the school. She doesn't require any special services, but has an empathetic teacher who will let busy work homework slide if she's having a bad day, etc.

Now as I look back, I can seem more signs and they are all more clear, but I didn't know back then. We actually started to suspect autism when she was about 18 months old. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's not like there's a cure and you missed the window of opportunity.

A diagnosis as a child is great. I'm glad my daughter was diagnosed at 9, I wasn't until I was 30. Was my mom a bad mom because she missed the signs too? Nope, she's a bad mom for other reasons, but that's another story entirely She didn't know. You didn't know.

Everyone is right, Stop beating yourself up! For one, AS is very, very hard to diagnosis in a child under the age of 7. I know of some docs that won't diagnose AS in a child under 7 at all. I do know where you're coming from, though. When I look back at the development of my boys I think "how could I have missed that!" But, I didn't see it, because I was too busy appreciating them for the unique individuals they are.
Also, I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. It must be very tough for you, and your daughter.

I just messaged you privately, but in case you miss it initially...

I think this could be a positive thread, in the sense that it would give others a chance to express the things that they later found they had missed out or overlooked and it would help to give those searching for early signs/answers to their child's difficulties more to go on...

I for one, am interested in hearing others accounts of early signs, as I look at my wee one's behaviours and wonder...

Leave objective, scientific consideration of past events for those who aren't inclined to brooding and/or regret.

I mean... break-throughs can spring forth from souls immersed in brooding and/or regret, because it motivates them to find answers and make the future more bearable, but I don't see that happening this time.

You can't do that to yourself. The important thing is you know now and you can do everything possible to help her now. Hindsight is always 20/20, didn't you know? I noticed things about my daughter from birth, but I just thought she was difficult until 18 months when I finally knew something was wrong. Now at almost four years, we finally know what. This isn't a speedy process for anyone. Be a bit easier on yourself.

Don't beat yourself up...OK, believe me, I think many parents have probably gone through that phase early on...I know for a while I thought "why the heck didn't I listen to MYSELF?" I always thought something was off...but I continued to trust the pediatricians...I remember so many things, and yes, sometimes I sleep 4 hours a night because I am attempting to find as much information as possible to help my son, because I feel like I wasted so much time...Well, the fact is that I could've gotten him diagnosed at 3 or 4...but no, I waited. When he had constant ear infections he got tubes in his ears...the doctor saw him later and said all was fine, no worries, so I never worried...Then I remember him not talking and me being a bit worried...I remember telling the pediatrician and him saying not to worry...I remember telling the pediatrician that he would not stay still one minute of the day, and he told me not to worry...Everything I believed...then finally at the age of 4, I went to check on his speech. I was told his speech was at the level of a 4 yr old...even then, I did not worry...many people told me not to worry that once he started school, he'd be fine...Well, he only lasted a week in school before he was kicked out...and then, I had no choice but to find another pediatrician...by the way, at the age of 3 I told my husband I suspected autism and we read up on it, even then, everyone dismissed what we said...and I believed them...Fast forward again and at the age of 5 last year, finally the best pediatrician one could hope for gave us the news...while also telling us, "Now you go watch Lorenzo's Oil"...rent it and watch it...Everything will be ok. And we did.

To this day I feel sometimes that I failed him, yet at the age of 5-6, I didn't fail him. The fact is that there are hundreds, if not thousands of ADULTS out there who were NEVER diagnosed...they spent their ENTIRE young lives trying to figure out what was wrong with them... (by the way, I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with people with autism/asperger's...I think it's just a different way of thinking, etc...and actually, I like those characteristcs more than the NTs anyway)...

So, for the sake of your daughter and yourself, understand that she is still young enough that you will and can make a difference in her life. Going through high school is bad enough for an NT, but for a child with autism, where nobody understands, you will make a world of difference...so, at the end of the day, you're JUST IN TIME...

Teach her about all the great people that possibly have or had autism/asperger's...for every "disability" she might have, I can assure you there is a great ability...ie. my kiddo has hearing sensitivities...he feels ackward that he covers his ears while others do not...but he also has perfect pitch, which the kids who DON'T cover their ears normally don't have...So, find the positive and play it up...and the other stuff, help her understand herself and she'll forever be grateful.

It reminds me of the orignal Disney holiday cartoons. Where Chip and Dale were running around the inside of a Christmas tree. Dale saw his reflection in one of the orbs, and got scared cause his face looked all warped and bigger than him.

Oh, I have felt the same way. I had my son evaluated at 7 months by Regional Center and he QUALIFIED, but I let people, including his pediatrician, convince me that it was all in my head and didn't go through with the therapies. Then he showed further delays at 2 years that couldn't be ignored, so we had to go through the whole process over again. When he got his dx, I was sooooooo mad at myself. When I think about it, tears still well up in my eyes, so I totally understand what you are going through. It just means that you care and you want to do everything that you can possibly do for your child.

Please jump over to the parents board, where I think you will get a little more understanding.

Thik about it this way I have had much woprse symptoms all my life and my mother instead of paying attention to them stasshed me in the house so i would not embarass her, never let me go out alone very much and inspected everything I did. To this DAY when i am at the age of 24 i am struggling to get answers beause she was busy worrying about what "they" would think. You are a terrific mom for finding out soon.

thanks all - see you in the parents forum