Love and Relationships for an Aspie boy in love?

Post Reply New Topic

I feel in love with a girl at school. I told her that I liked her and she gave me hug that lasted for 20 seconds or so after I handed her 3 poems I had written. She told me that they were really good and I just stared at her impassively. I only said a few things. Then just to keep conversation going I told her that I fell in love with her ages ago. I told her how I had looked for her. This however was NOT the case. I fell in love with her mere weeks after I was assigned in her class. She said she'd talk to me but the next day she did not show up and the summer holidays were coming up. I had to wait 3 months to see her again but this time she ignored me.

I think I freaked her out. So again I said nothing and waited 2 weeks after, I approached her and she was very annoyed (at least I think she was, or tired). I tried to keep talking. I already knew she had a boyfirend. And that I wanted to be friends with her. She just continued walking. She looked back and I stood; angry at my syndrome.

Months later I told my only friend to give her the picture I drew months before. He did so within 2 days. He said she looked at him smiling and held it in her hand without opening it. I told him to tell her that I was autistic, he did so. And since then she still hasn't said anything to me yet directly. I think she is still scared of me. What should I do? My next move is to try to meet her alone so I can tell her this stuff; so she can understand my Asperger's. What else should I do? SHOULD I TRY TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER? HOW CAN I MAINTAIN THIS?

Honest to anything she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met, she is in her final year and I'm afraid that I will never get to see her again. Only a few more months remain.

Please help me...this is killing me because she is intelligent, social, kind, loving, fashionable, has the right attitude, artistic, beautiful, and hopefully understanding - everything I would want in a person, I respect her relationship, but, still want to stay in contact with her...

It is so hard to get her alone...she has friends. She dominates my mind...

my advice is forget about her. there will be others and she isn't interested. You're likely to end up getting in more trouble if you continue to pursue her.

Last edited by alex on 16 Nov 2007, 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She has the right attitude????????

Well, excuse me, but she sounds like she has the worst attitude I'd like in a human being.

Its really hard to explain. I tried to forget her and be myself. I think she doesn't want to be tempted by me...know what I mean?

I do all these romantic things for her...I know she isn't in-your-face not that kind, but loyal is a way...

I meant in a way...sorry

Having been in a similar position, although not as forward as you, I would suggest you do your best to forget about her, because the worst case scenario is that she really isn't interested, and you become obssessed with her. This leads to complications, and potential bullying. Seen it, been there, didn't enjoy it.

Irony now is that the girl I am crazy about at the moment doesn't know it, but she knows about my inability to convey feelings and most of my other problems. In fact she is the only one at the moment I can confide in. Because of my condition, I guess you can say, I know that telling her how I feel will be the most difficult and uncomfortable thing to do, but we get along so well. It's a sticky situation and it is hard not to obssess, but I do it, I play with elastic bands, I come on here, I prep myself for my new job. I want to think about her all the time, but can't let that happen for my own sanity.

It's life, and it sucks at times, but you have to pull yourself up out of the rut you are in, take a breath, and move onward.

Stimshieme,

I hate to say it, but you did a few things that probably gave her the wrong idea(You showed TOO MUCH attention and interest right off, and said you were autistic. You should have waited. You want to make autism look better, not have her preconcieved notions use it to taint her impression of you.). With bad press and all, I agree with Alex. Try to forget about her. BELIEVE ME, I know that can be hard, but it is probably best. 10-20 years down the road she may look back and regret acting like that, but that is just the way it usually ends up.

Hey

I didn't say I had autism to her at the start of meeting her!! !! I said it MONTHS after I had the awkward moment! Finally admitting it to her...

I hope you find a girl that appreciates your poems, drawings, and loyalty. That sounds very sweet and romantic. However,the part about "... just to keep conversation going I told her that I fell in love with her ages ago" sounds a bit stalker-ish, which is a little scary.

I didn't realise I was being "stalk-ish" I was just nervous I hate those awkward silences...

Anyway what do you think I should do?

That's why people take a date to the movies and then out for a drink or snack. You can sit in silence, and then you can talk about the movie. If it's awkward, you can cut it short.
Once you know the person, silences are not awkward.
It's probably irreparable with this girl, but you will meet other people...more understanding people.

I was in a very similar situation in 7th and 8th grade. I was obsessed with a boy beyond belief.....I seriously would have been stalking him if I had a drivers liscense. He had no interest in me but I was confused by his random displays of politeness, rudeness, friendliness, and indifference. Now I can think back and imagine how he must have felt....confused and a bit freaked out. Anyway, it is a very painful feeling. I also drew pictures of this person, had friends show them to him, and made him cards for holidays. It was ridiculous. I too, would freeze completely when talking to him and say idiotic things that I wouldn't even realize were coming out of my mouth. I craved interaction with him, even just eye contact. I couldn't concentrate on anything but him for more than 30 seconds. It was horrible.

Anyway, I think it is quite common for us young aspies (and sometimes not so young aspies, and sometimes even NTs) to go through a romantic obsession phase for a specific individual. So, you are not alone! Don't get down on yourself for not being able to stop your feelings. It's not your fault that you like her and she doesn't like you. However, I advise you to stop expressing your feelings to her (or her friends). Write in a journal. Make private drawings and poems and keep them someplace safe. Talk to someone you trust. (Friends often "forget" to keep secrets if they find them entertaining enough - be careful here.) This girl doesn't appreciate you and you deserve a friend who does. You will find all the qualities you like in her in another friend, and later, a girlfriend. This will pass. If you look on the bright side, at least you know you have the ability to love. (a therapist told me that back in the day and I rolled my eyes . . .but its true!)

I know that right now it is hard to imagine having feelings for anyone else, but you will! When I was 15 I thought I was going to be in love and thus living in hell, with my 7th grade obsession for the rest of my life!! ! By the end of high school he had turned into someone I wasn't attracted to in the least bit. Last I knew he was a gay bi-polar cross-dresser who did lots of psychadelic drugs. I'm not joking! Other love-interests came along. I'm 23 now and have a wonderful boyfriend, who I still consider a miracle. I don't think about that other guy except when referencing my case for others like you or when remembering the most painful years of my life.

Good luck to you.

ooohprettycolors: Thank you very much...

im in a very similar situation right now... and believe me, if i could forget this person i would. but i work with them. i think they like the flattery, but that's about it.

Being her friend is not an option. The best thing to do is take this a learning experience on what not to do next time you like a girl. You are still young. I thought I found the perfect girl about 5 times in my lifetime. Like other people have mentioned, take it slow.