Email from my dad-Opinons?

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Since my mother is unwilling to admit I had issues as a child, and since I am to be evaluated soon, I asked my father if he could tell me more about myself as a child, based on the suspician I am both AS and ADD>

This is what he said. I am asking more, such as eye contact etc.
But interested in others input.
Of course, he didn't spend as much time with me as my mother, and did not see me line my things up etc.

Well, I don't know your father personally but he sounds like an a** hole.
That message didn't seem to be written with the intention of helping you, so much as it was a tool for him to vent.
I'm sorry you're having trouble finding the support you need, but don't let his ineptitude as a father make you think any less of yourself.

I don't think he really understands, and is just stating it as he sees it in terms of an NT's view.
My lack of emotional display and ability to consider others is seen as pure selfishness on my part.
But it gives some answers at least, as my mother is unwilling to help me in attaining a diagnosis.
But yes, he has not understood, and has pushed and pushed me to be normal. get some friends, get a job etc, not comprehending why I have not.

Its direct and to the point - exactly what aspies are supposed to like, and prefer. he was also very careful to say "in my opinion" which indicates he is fully aware that his view may not be correct, and he wants to make sure you see that too.

As for what he actually said.

Possible aspie trait, but specific examples would be needed to be sure



5 aspie traits



Aspie trait


Aspie trait, but again by saying "In my opinion" he's saying in no uncertain terms that he clearly recognizes this is only his perception, and is such, it may or may not be true.



Strike against being an aspie, though i have difficulty believing all aspies are clumsy



Aspie trait. I'd ask him to explain a little more on this, just in case he's alluding to something specific between you and him, or you and your mom, something they're upset by and don't quite understand. Then you can explain why you acted/did not act in the typical way for that event



Strike 2


Strike 3



Aspie point



Another aspie trait



Another aspie trait. And very clearly telling you he's not perfect either, and its hard to act in a way that most people do.

he's given you a list that quite clearly indicates you are an aspie, and he's done so in a format that most aspie's would prefer to see the list in. However, he's also peppered in enough stuff throughout that you can be 100% sure he's not saying, "You ARE an aspie."He's giving you the facts, as he's sees them through his perceptions, and enabling you to make the decision on your own.

Its nice that you have something who isn't afraid to be honest about the important issues with you. Most people would lie in an "Oh you were so perfect, couldn't have been a better daughter" way, or would be vindicative, calculating their words to hurt you. Your dad was nothing but honest, quite clearly stating it was his opinion and not fact, and giving you the information you asked for.

Yes, I did email him and say I wished his opinion as I believe he is more objective than my mother, who claims I was a normal, loving child, which is not what I recall in what little I do recall.

Of course, it is possible I was closer to my mother and thus my father got the worst side of me?

The routine thing is an issue as he could mean I hated adhering to other peoples routines and liked to stick to my own routine?

I am going to have to verify that.
I did line up my toys, I recall, and arrange my books in a specific order, and get angry when people came in my room or cleaned my room etc.

The issue I am finding is that ADHD and AS share a LOT of traits.
I have been reading an article on this, and so much is similar.

I have sent him a further email asking him to define what he means by insular, to ask about my eye contact, to ask what he recalls of my before the age of 3 and various other things as I know it is important in assessment to have this data from childhood.

Attention seeking, I have asked also for more input. I know I was prone to finishing my work early and getting up to tell others how to do their work, and I did break rules...the latter being more an ADHD thing, tho I didnt understand why one couldnt swing around the school poles...it was such fun.

But yes, my dad has always been straight and to the point, but he has also in the past blamed my own lazy nature for all of my issues.

email him back and thank him. That will also show him that you are attempting to overcome your limitations and habits.

It was concise, to the point. Factual, by his perceptions, and not influenced by his feelings. He did you a great favour.

I did thank him.
I find it hard to ask him in case he gets angry... so I am on edge each time I send more questions to him, but I have explained I will need them for assessment. And I really for some reason, don't recall much of when I was under the age of around 11/12.

My real question I suppose was if what he says fits the picture for AS, along with my own observations about myself, tho admittedly, I am sure I need a few more things from him before one can get a definite picture.

I guess what triangular trees did is what I was looking for.

I seem to fit traits of both ADHD and AS which is confusing to me.

thats terrible, some of my relatives are like that

Really?
My mother is better at understanding me, my dad is better at being objective, but he is also better at expecting me to be 'normal'.

I still remember when he asked why I wasn't wearing mini skirts like other girls my age when I was about 15 or so.

I tended to wear the same loose jogging pants every day, and baggy sweatshirts.

well the vicesness of it all reminds me of my stepdad, the guy basically thought he was the mexican jesus. naturally he knew how to do everything and of course i was always doing it wrong.

I dont see the email as viscious at all. I wish more people would speak straight like that.

I suppose it is subjective how the email comes across.
Selfish is a word often used by those who do not know about AS, to describe those with AS, so I am not too fussed. However, were he saying it outside of this context, I would perhaps be somewhat upset at it because selfish is not considered a good thing to be.

this is indeed a horrid predicament to find oneself in.
I hope things improve for you soon.

OK, I've got to respond! As for clumsy, how is that defined? I have hit my shoulder or head in places, but most of my life I didn't! Is that clumsy? But I DOUBT that is a requirement.

Mannerisms? MINE are subtle or hidden, etc... BESIDES, he's her father, so he just may not remember them.

Routines? WHOSE? My parents might say the same. *I* might. Still, people wonder how I could stay in my room all day, eat the same thing, etc... for YEARS!

But is any of this REALLY needed for AS?

Graelwyn,

Even MY parents have said that! I am generous, concerned for others welfare, humble, and smart. Yet even people that have said that about me have said I was selfish, apathetic, arrogant, stupid. One person called me a JERK because I offered to buy her fries! WHY? Because I didn't want her touching mine. That is ALSO a pet peeve I have that I hide. Sometimes I see food being prepared, and I want to THROW UP! I have even walked out because of that. My standards are just higher than 99.98% of the places out there.

So I think your father, like mine, is just arrogant and one sided, and wants to emphasize HIS opinions to you. Seriously, that message could have easily come from MY father.

Bear in mind that I did ask him specific questions in an attempt to get a picture of how I was as a child in terms of things that might be indicative of AS.

I didn't ask him how I was as a child in general terms as such.

i wouldnt worry! i would never email one of my family members asking them what they thought of me, why? it doesnt matter what they think. did you just do that because you cant remember what you were like? and wanted an outside opinion for your diagnosis? i can pretty much remember what i was like when i was a kid.