People Who Suspect You Were Autistic But Never Said Anything

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Did friends or acquaintances ever treat you(differently) in a sort of protective manner when you were in a social group or even in a work environment because they might have suspected you were autistic even though you never brought it up?

Yes, my own children.

About 5 years ago I read an article about Asperger's in the New York Times. I gave a copy of that article to one of my children with the comment that the article seemed to describe some of the same problems that I had had (for 75+ years). My daughter's response, "Yeah, we've known that for a long time."

Yes, that happened to me at school.

I can't say that anyone treated me more protectively, but when I "came out" as an Aspie many of my friends were not at all surprised. One of them had already suspected, because he had read some Oliver Sacks books and put two and two together; another admitted that the information inspired less an surprised "wow" than an interested "hmm." For what it's worth.

My doctor suspected it...then told my mother.
I heard my mum talking about it one day on the phone to someone. Thats how I found out that my doctor suspected it.

From the other side...

I have a friend I have worked with for 5 yrs.
I knew from when I first met her there was something different about her... the 'not looking in the eyes', the directness of speech, and perhaps some other things I can't remember right now... besides all her other positive personal qualities.

I honestly liked her from the start. She was (and still is ) intelligent, articulate, and passionate about her beliefs.
There are other things that I won't get into here because those are separate from AS.

My wife (separated but not technically divorced yet {any day now, I hope} so I still call her my wife) listened to my description of L (my friend) and she instantly said it could be Asperger's (my wife is a pediatrician).

I knew very little about AS at the time, just a few things but not as much as I know now.
Still, I always felt bad for her because of the people who never saw the whole person, not because of the AS.
I listened to more than one person say, "She's so rude!", and other things like that. I pity them because they apparently haven't discovered the fact that L is a wonderful person. I can only imagine how many other good people they dismiss, similarly.

If I had never heard of AS, I believe I would have still appreciated L as I do now.
I will admit that there were probably times, after the idea she had AS came up, that I treated her a bit 'extra special' because of it.
I guess I've always wanted her to know that there was someone around work who DID appreciate her... everything about her, that I knew of.

All this may be due to my having ADD/HD, and the life I've lived.
Doesn't matter much to me.
At this time, I have been educating myself about Autism, and Asperger's Syndrome through books and the internet (WP is my main place ), as well as getting feedback from L.

It is possible that my friend and I will go separate ways someday, but I hope to take everything I am learning and use it for the rest of my life.
I would like to remain in contact with L no matter where our lives take us.
We'll see.

Hm, I haven't really talked to anyone in length about my (self-diagnosed) Asperger's. I've brought it up with my parents, but my mom denied it, accusing me of just looking for an excuse for doing things the way I do them. My dad said he "had thought about it", but we never talked about it again.
When I was totally stressed out during a student exchange I told my English teacher and the German teacher of our partner school and at least they believed me and said it explained a lot of things about me.

Ive had people suspect that I have some form of mental retardation growing up, I remember telling my brothers friend who is a bartender that I'm autistic, and he was like yea we all suspected something wasn't right up there in your brain .. I told my friend at the hospital I work at, and she said, she could tell already by how much I interrupt, and how I'm so childlike and do my own thing lol, i was like ok then !

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

No, but I've seen it in others. One girl in paticual I suspect was more full blown autistic than just aspergers, but she was never diagnosed from what I understand. I just didn't see where it was my place to suggest anything.

Now that I think about it, there have been people in my life who have been protective over me in certain situations. I don't think they knew I had AS but they knew I had certain difficulties and limitations, and would stick up for me if other people gave me crap for being "slow" or "awkward".

for every single year i was in primary/secondary/junior college (1 year) = 11 years, teachers have pulled me aside, or requested to see my parents due to my 'attitude'. they've told my mother that i was too quiet, not interactive etc. of course, the usual hints that i might have had a learning disability were dismissed by my mother, she knew i was reading years ahead of my age. that and i usually came in top 3 positions in class every year.

mom would berate me for being too quiet, and when i started participating (i remember being really quiet most of the time because the lessons bored me) the teachers said i was too disruptive. "stop trying to run before you learn how to walk" was often shot at me when i questioned my teachers, or corrected them.

when they put it down to behavioural issues, my mother would be more than willing to blame it on me 'acting out' due to family problems. in class, i would always be assigned a seat near the window so that i would be 'less distracting' to my classmates. i can understand why they did this, my table would be overflowing with random items i found interesting at the time, or i would be reading a storybook since i found classes so boring.

i ultimately withdraw further into my shell, and up to the age of 15, i had minimal interaction with my classmates/teachers. all my classmates regarded me as somewhat eccentric, and i was fine with it. it meant they left me alone and i was happy to sit in my corner and observe rather than interact. at 15, i decided i needed to be more outgoing since i was beginning to feel lonely and left out, so i came out and started talking to my classmates. i managed to establish a reputation for being a good listener and keeper-of-secrets, but it was always a 1-way interaction. reading all the cases of bullying on this forum, i'm thankful that i had pretty decent people for classmates who accepted me, quirks and all.

i had to attend weekly counselling sessions in my final year of secondary school (i went to a SAP school), which involved pep talks from my vice-principal trying to get me to 'fulfill' my 'potential', whatever that meant. in junior college, i had to go through the same deal, the teachers thought i was exhibiting a poor attitude even though i attended every single lesson and never failed to turn in assignments. i would be singled out due to appearing less than interested, which struck me as ridiculous; i enjoyed most of my lessons but i guess it's due to my posture/lack of facial expression, teachers have told me i slouch alot and my body language struck them as 'disrespectful'.

given the education system in Singapore, i can understand how i was considered 'underachieving' and just having an attitude problem. i was probably singled out by my teachers because individuality was frowned upon, and i was definitely 'different'.

apologies for the long post, it is kind of cathartic to get all this out. some of the 'counselling' sessions were traumatising to me, i still get a little tummy ache recalling how perplexed i felt during those hour long sessions, i never knew what to say, no matter what i said they would twist it to try to get me to be 'normal'. and i would try so hard yet fail miserably without understanding why.

One of the special ed teachers i had when i was younger(7ish) was suspicious and thought i had AS. I just wish that she had said something. it would have spared a lot of bulls$%t. it would have made things easier for me.

I think at various times in my life people have perceived me as slow (before I learned English at school), overly serious, preoccupied, self-centered and socially inept. People thought I overemphasized the academic side of my life to the detriment of my social life.