Inadvertantly mimicking/picking up "vibes" from ot

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This is an issue I have with myself that is somewhat annoying.
Sometimes when in social situations, I have a tendancy to chamelion certain people when I am talking to them...It does not always happen but when it does, I find it difficult to fight.
Not only will I start talking like the person, but I will kinda start to think like them too. I feel kinda "invaded" by this person's personality...like I am "channelling" the person back at them. almost against my will.
Here are examples:
um...Flakey's bouncy NT teenaged friend...If I spend too much time around her, I start to talk like her and think like her when I am talking to her...eeeeeeek! I don't like feeling like this other person...it drives me nuts.

Another example is...I used to have a co-worker who was a very nice Scottish lady in her 40's...We would often end up taking lunch breaks at the same time. I really enjoyed talking to her, because she was one of the most down-to-earth people I worked with, but I had to literally force myself not to mimic her accent. I only managed to cover it up by speaking in an exaggerated monotone.


Also..for example..I have some friends who were (ahem sorta messed up on drugs)...and just being around them, I could sorta feel my perspective warp...so that I felt like i was on drugs too...(when I wasn't)
It may be part of the reason I have such an aversion to many kinds of social interraction and the reason I dislike eye contact so much...I am prone to get invaded by the other person...or by their "vibes", i guess...

(sorta like Zelig..if anyone has seen that woody Allen mockumentary)

Can anyone relate??

I recognise that . I have often found myself sliding into the same accent as people that I'm talking to.
And that my vocabulary changes to match theirs. And I too dislike it.
It sometimes seems so blatant that I worry that they will think that I am mocking them!
I suppose it's part of ASD in that it's how we dealt with socialising at early age , copying the person we're with. Like a baby copies its mother , but we're still doing it!
??

And the invasion of self by another. To really "sympathise" with them as opposed to sitting in detached judgement which generally means I can hardly bear anyone ! !, I find myself getting into their dramas , agreeing with everything, understanding everything. Coming out of that is a bit like recovering from hypnosis , or an enchantment ,or a poison if the person was totally full of hate or victim stuff or whatever.
Like having stepped inside their skin for a moment. Yech! I don't know how I do it, it's def something to do with mimicry. Deliberately fitting into some kind of dance , following the steps they "propose"/suggest with every turn of phrase and intonation. Don't let it happen often anymore. Used to do it lots as part of survival , ASD disguised as NT.

Seemed like a Power tool, worked like a "charm"! !

Last edited by ouinon on 14 Oct 2007, 10:33 am, edited 3 times in total.

Yes, I've experienced the same thing. It happened more when I was younger. I used to think that part of it was intentional. People always said I talked "weird" and asked where I was from. So I would try to imitate the way a certain person talked in order to sound more normal and stop having to convince people that I wasn't from a different country. But there was also something very unintentional about it . . . It was like I did it naturally and would then try to rationalize it.

As for thinking like other people, I can't tell if that's intentional or not either. I enjoy trying on different ways of thinking so that I can experience life in different ways and maybe understand other people better. For instance, one day I might pretend to have a particular political, philosophical, or religious viewpoint and try to imagine what my life would be like if I incorporated that into my decisions and lifestyle. But I can't pretend to be an extrovert. However, I think I know what you mean . . . If I spend a lot of time around someone, I do start to feel kind of invaded by their personality. I don't act like them, but they develop an annoying presence in my thoughts . . .

There is something that people do called "mirroring" in social psychology. The idea is that if you are enjoying someone's company, you will unconsciously start to imitate their body language. If you don't enjoy being around them, you'll do the opposite. I guess that aspies and auties would be less likely to do this because of the lack of social awareness, but maybe some do. Maybe that's part of what's going on?

Some people have *powers* and they will draw you into a mirroring situation. It's good to be aware and decide if you want to be a mirrorer or projector. Usually there's no danger, but there is a risk, especially if the other person's energy is too powerful or negative. Otherwise mirroring (with positive, healthy people) can be a fun and intimate experience between 2 people.

Some issues always arise around the subject of protecting, shielding, deflecting and neutralizing.

I'm not sure I understand. Do you care to elaborate?

Well the vibes are energy - and like any currency there are ways to deal with whatever comes your way - usually the vibes from others (people, animals, places) comes in waves, but it can come in ripples, floods, darts, swords as well. So whatever comes at you in whichever form needs to be dealt with - hence the *protecting, shielding, deflecting and neutralizing*. If you look at energy interaction - it's identical to the art of war and peace with you as the conduit/synthesizer/balancer/warrior.

I always copy the social mannerisms of the people I spend time with, but not their views or ethics. In the past I have been accused of copying, and not long ago somebody who met me said "wow you're so much like person x" because I've had 2 solid years of slowly copying him mostly by accident. It's good for me though, a newer friend I have is very good at being flirtacious and sociable and while I still will mess up a conversation given enough time some days I can semi-flirt and have been holding peoples attention for longer and longer. Some guys even came around with beer a few weeks ago, though at the time it freaked me out and I didn't let them in, said I was busy and stood in the doorway though I wasn't.

edit: When I tried to explain it to my friend that I didn't know why those guys had come over he was completely taken aback that I didn't know and said they were just trying to be friendly, and seemed even concerned that I was wondering if they had bad intentions. I honestly didn't know what to think though.

I do copy people I have known for too long, accents, mannerisms, but not their personal views. In an odd twist, a friend of mine is slowly seeing my way of thinking in respect to racial issues. I can't stand racism, and he was a full blown racist, white power type. The other day he said he likes girls of mixed race, and moaned that you can't go printing "n*****" in the paper to illustrate a point because it is racist. Yay! Control them, make them your pets. If you can't join them, make them the same as you. No more nasty comments! Everyone follow me, I have a plan. Gone off again.

It's interesting it's just the social skills which I lack that I'm copying (without meaning to) and not the views. While the guy I have been copying is usually extremely tolerant yesterday a few of us got yelled at by a drunk black woman and when she walked away he made a few mocking jokes about "representing her race." The illogicalness of it just ate me up inside and I was the only one not laughing. I was also the only one answering her while she was there and trying to talk to us, my shyness got in the way though.

As a child I did not do eye contact well. I was told I was shy. Iw as told well you must be dishonest to not look me in the eye. I was told I should be full of shame for being so dishonest I can not look people in the eye. I have been able to do so but it takes a lot and I can fake it often and I think I fake it well. However, when I really want to learn or understand I want real eye contact so I know for sure I am getting it right! I have sooo much difficultly my body tenses and turns away and I close in on myself. I do not want to and I can not help it. I also notice it is with people that I am intimidated by this happens more. I thought it was because of abuse that had occured over the years but now I wonder if the abuse occured because I made agood victim. Via my body language made me a good target.

I can only think of one example possibly two so maybe its just mirroring and not mimicing.
In Grade 3 i use to copy the behaviour of a classmate/neighbour during reading time.
When he was sitting on the floor and crossed his legs, i would cross my legs, when he uncrossed his legs, i would as well. He would cross his arms i would cross my arms and so on. This would occur throughout the year.
The other example comes from when a guy i was drinking with made random sounds and a minute later i made those same random sounds.
There may be alot others examples im unaware of as it doesn't take me long to get drunk,3-4 beers, and i start to forget bits and pieces of the evening. Most social situations im in involve drinking.

Sometimes I do that with authors. If I read a book too long and then try to write something, I'll write in their "voice," so to speak. It's weird.

I can relate. I think its an attempt to 'wear' an expression or style since I'm not at all sure whether I have any of my own, in a social context. Its better than just going quiet and staring, which is the only other way I know. That tends to generate more of a negative response than the easier route of mimicking others. On the other hand, I always feel a bit uneasy when I come away from that situation, like I've been faking and it wasn't the real me. The real me, however, is a little too intense for other people's comfort. Ah well, a positive side-effect is the potential to be great actors/actresses. Alternatively, I have become more comfortable with just being quiet now that I'm getting older, and usually that opens up a 'space' for people to come to me one by one and interact.

It's a response you've been conditioned to express and you're simply working from an unconscious level. A little like a knee-jerk reflex, but it goes deeper....to archetypes....scapegoat? I have a scapegoat in my unconscious and of course once it's there doing its thing - you do have a tendency to repeat the contract over and over till you say - no more....

Yes, have seen Zelig. My experience isn't so much like that, I don't appear similar to my surroundings (social environment, people in proximity). Don't think I frequently take on or absorb features of my those in my midst, such as style of speech (though I monitor how much people swear & adjust my frequency to theirs), accent, behavioral actions. On the other hand...

However I do relate to feeling of being invaded, taken over, unsure of what is me-when around others. Am only certain of my emotions & thoughts (as originating from within myself) when alone, because there's no one else nearby for me to wonder if it came from outside myself. Sometimes "pick up vibes"-but if no one says so out loud then I'm stuck clueless, assuming I'm 'the only one'.

So hard to explain-if I'm around others, I have thoughts & feelings but can't figure out if those are 'mine' or 'theirs' (and these have been transferred/transmitted to me). For instance, being told about someone getting angry or someone getting angry at the person telling me this story provokes that emotional state* in me. Then I'm unable to shake off that feeling/reaction, and have difficulty being attentive, sympathetic & kind towards person talking-because I'm full of anger (or sadness) from story & am now overwhelmed just dealing with my own response.
* As if the emotion 'takes on a life of it's own' in my brain-perhaps that's due to chemical events (i.e. adrenaline surges when one feels threatened).

Tough really paying attention to someone else just because I can't easily stop, snap out of it-once I've committed to investing my conscious intense awareness in someone's direction. Takes great effort to switch focus, I get used to & caught up in what or whom I'm noticing. My reactions lag behind theirs, I dwell & ponder over stuff at length-while others have swiftly moved on in the conversation.