Having irrational fears/problems/worries in new situations

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know if that's an Aspie thing (though I'd be happy to know what kind of thing it is) but I wonder if anybody else is /was like that:
As a child (and also youth, and even still today sometimes) I quite often had silly worries about getting things wrong in situations which look very easy and normal to others (and could be very stubborn about avoiding these situations for that reason).
For example I was afraid of going somewhere by bus or train as I thought I could miss the right station (and then what) or not be able to open the door of the train when I have to get out, or also I've always dislike(d) using public automates such as bancomats, public coffee dispensers or ticket automates out of a fear of getting something wrong there and for another example in such cafeterias where you put your food yourself on the tablet (like in the school cafeterias) I felt confused about which lane to get into to wait or when to pay and such (also after all these decicions have to be made quickly as there are other people waiting behind one, so there's no chance to get that little extra time needed for figuring out how the "system" works so to say).

I always worried about that sort of stuff, but I also always assumed it was because I had been raised in some isolation. . .

I do that stuff too.

You sound just like me! I'm an intelligent person, if a little uncoordinated and spacey, so my parents could never understand why I was absolutely convinced I'd fail at being promoted to cashier at the grocery store where I worked in high school - I was convinced I would never learn and I'd mess up small things - it was way more daunting to me than getting into good colleges or writing a term paper. I was the same way about driving - I'd panic about missing turns, not understanding when to go at intersections, etc. I was paranoid about public transportation in Boston, but eventually I did get it figured out. There are so many easy things that I just convince myself I won't be able to use without making a mistake, and little things can seem so daunting. I know there are better examples more similar to yours, but I can't think of them at the moment. I've found that if I force myself into doing things (or if my bewildered parents do), I am eventually able to accomplish them. It's just with certain tasks, I need to repeat them often before I can understand them. I'll try to think of better examples - but sometimes I feel exactly like that - unable to do things that are really simple because I'm afraid of making mistakes.

I have done that too, but the remarkable thing that I wanted to write about after reading your post is that my son has been doing this since he was really little. I mean, he has been super careful since he was even like a few months old!

I feel like he can imagine all the possibilities in an instant, so he has to be very careful and thoughtful in any new situation.

Either that or it has something to do with his motor planning delays and sensory issues, because he used to (before occupational therapy) cringe at almost everything. In public, he was like a deer in the headlights. I could just see all the little wheels in his head turning.


We know this other little kid who is exactly the opposite-he will jump into any situation, head first, without even a first thought about it. Which to me is more frightening.

I was the same but i just forced myself and got used to it

Changes in routine cause me alot of anxiety, and I develop strange, irrational rationalizations in going out of my way to avoid changes or unfamiliar situations - ie. fear of a fire alarm going off if I open a door I have never opened before, even though I have seen other people use it.

Actually, i always get paranoid that the alarm is oging to go off every time i walk out of a shop. so far, they've only gone off when i walked INTO the shop

I've been like that for as long as I can remember. My very first day of kindergarten my mom gave me lunch money and when I went to lunch, I never gave it to the lunch lady because she didn't ask for it and I was nervous. Then when I came home my mom freaked out because I didn't pay. The next day I was a wreck until lunch time when I tried to give the lunch lady my money, only to find out that I was getting free lunches. I have a very vivid memory of stupid things like that.

When I lived in Pittsburgh for a couple years, it was the first time I had ever encountered public transportation (without mommy). Back in Johnstown, more of a hick town, the only people who used public transportation were either old, bums, or some kind of seriously mentally challenged. I never rode the trolley in Pittsburgh without my (then) boyfriend. I was always deathly afraid of missing my stop or getting on the wrong trolley. Like. Physically sick, afraid. I'm afraid of those stupid coffee machines, too. Always really afraid my cup will overflow and I will look like an ass.

You took the words out of my wouth /mind

Quote :

As a child (and also youth, and even still today sometimes) I quite often had silly worries about getting things wrong in situations which look very easy and normal to others (and could be very stubborn about avoiding these situations for that reason).
For example I was afraid of going somewhere by bus or train as I thought I could miss the right station (and then what) or not be able to open the door of the train when I have to get out, or also I've always dislike(d) using public automates such as bancomats, public coffee dispensers or ticket automates out of a fear of getting something wrong there and for another example in such cafeterias where you put your food yourself on the tablet (like in the school cafeterias) I felt confused about which lane to get into to wait or when to pay and such (also after all these decicions have to be made quickly as there are other people waiting behind one, so there's no chance to get that little extra time needed for figuring out how the "system" works so to say).
_________________

that's what i do...

i quibble over the most mundane things... i wonder how i function competently at all

but i have always made myself go forward

Its exactly the same with me,OP. Whenever i start something new, I ALWAYS either lose or forget something. I avoid all sorts of machines, or wait until nobody could possibly be looking. At the moment indeed, there is a system for getting out certain books in the library which i don't understand, and rather than going and asking someone what to do, i'm just going to get the information i need from other sources. The funny thing is, i don't even consider such behavior odd.
I guess its motivated by performance anxiety, which in turn is motivated by inability to deal with new things( for me, perhaps the most obvious manifestation of my Asperger's(if indeed i have it) is the formalized routine, so i tend to interpret all non-typical behavior as resulting from that, which is maybe an incorrect viewpoint to take)

You know, that's me to a tee!
Really simple things like ordering food, using shops I've never been to before, using revolving doors. Queues are the worst because I stand there constantly worrying about what happens when I get to the front. As much as I hate clubs and pubs, the occasions where I've made an effort I find ordering drinks at the bar or just entering a club drive the panic level up.

The feeling people are constantly judging me on what I do, how I do it, being caught out doing simple things.

It really has blighted my life as I would rather avoid these situations than tackle them, situations most people encounter every single day. That's the kicker .

I worry about using public transport in an irrational way.

I am worried that I will fall over when getting into the bus because it will start moving before I sit down. I also can't bare to think about missing my stop...I would completely freak out.
I am worried that someone will sit next to me on the bus (or train).

I avoid public transport.

Ugh, that's THE WORST

Yeah I just came to Boston to attend college - taking the T there has worked out better than I thought, but I still panic about falling over, missing my stop, any number of things. This is a big problem for me. Little things just panic me, and until I force myself to try it after observing someone else doing it correctly, I can't be comfortable.