Gap between emotional and intellectual "age"

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Were you ever told to "act your age"?

I used to hear that fairly often when I was younger, and I never really understood what it meant. I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately and I'm starting to realize that there is a sort of age gap between my intellect and emotions. As an example, when I was in school, I was several years ahead of most of my peer group in academia, yet I lacked the emotional control that others seemed to possess. When my emotions got really stirred up and I acted out, I was often told that I was acting like a two year old, or a four year old, much younger than my actual age.

As I grew up, I learned the much needed control at a very slow pace, and it's been a real struggle. I'm 27, almost 28 years old now. Sometimes I sound like someone a little bit older, as far as language and vocabulary, and just general information. However, I feel that emotionally, I'm just now becoming an adolescent. I'm aware of more behavioral impulses, and that it takes more of my energy to control them. Sometimes, when I'm physically and mentally drained, due to a stressful time, or lack of sleep or what have you, I find myself doing really stupid things I later regret simply because the emotional need to do so overwhelms my reasoning. More often than not I'm left trying to explain myself in the aftermath of such episodes, often without success. It almost feels like I'm two different people.

I don't know if this is related to Asperger's Syndrome or Autism in general, but it's one of many differences that set me apart from the vast majority of neuro-typical people I've been associated with. I'm curious to learn if anyone else has dealt with such an issue, and any insights you may have because of it.

Definitely AS, because I have this and it is related to Pervasive Development Disorder, which was then changed to Asperger's Syndrome by my Dr.

I am 18 and I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I have never had the feeling of wanting one, and I have never felt any emotional attachment that one is apparently supposed to get in such a situation. I don't even know what "fancying" or "having a crush" feels like. Most girls start when they're 13!

are asexual?
that can also explain it,as whatever it is that makes people want to have boyfriends isn't there.

Perfect description of myself. I find myself throwing emotional tantrums all the time. I just feel like I have all these pent up feelings that I've never learned to deal with or control by myself. It gets rough for the people closest to me. What stops me is recalling how much of an ass I felt like when I've acted rashly in the past, and the way people look at me like "Ooookay, what the hell is wrong with this girl?"

I think the way this contradiction comes across with me is that I apparently 'carry myself' as though I were a much older person - people typically estimate my age as mid/late twenties, and I'm twenty one - but I handle jelousy and insecurity and being criticised as though I were about five.

I can relate to you. Sometimes I may be wise and other times I'm like a child.
I'm still selfconcious and since most times I have to suck it up, then I get anxiety. I's like a vicious circle.
I'm on therapy.
some people with AS have said that taking acting classes has helped them.
I haven't try them but I might do it

I'm just like that. Intellectually, I've been told that I'm far beyond my years. Emotionally, however, I feel like a 10 year old and I've been told that I have a "childlike" quality about me.

Wow, I thought that girls were supposed to start earlier. I'm male and my urges went into overdrive around 13. I resolved that year that I was going to FINALLY "break out of my shell". Well, I gave up. I fought those feelings. By 14 it waned again. OH, it was, and IS strong, but NOT like 13.

I SWEAR, I was in Spanish class, and this girl, who was WELL developed physically, was dancing in like a leotard. It might be the only time a female ever noticed me looking at her in THAT way. I LOOK! I look a LOT, but I don't do it in a way that would be noticable(I don't want them to get the wrong idea, or be nervous), and nothing ever comes of it. It is like going out on a ship and looking at the dolphins. I like it. To tell you the truth, I like women better BUT, in the end, I just come back to shore.

Oh well, at 18 I think you may have ridden through the worst of it.

As for me? I guess internally I am almost like a little kid, but I fight that back. I don't think the average person is like that. GRANTED, when people get drunk they "lose their inhibitions" but, somehow, I feel I am different.

Based on the reaction of most here, I think that logically many of you have MORE control than I do if anything!

Still, my logic and intelligence are certainly over my emotions. I am almost like a vulcan just before pon-far(sp?).

BTW as far as emotions, I sound almost like I am talking just about sex here but, actually, that is the one I have the most control over. It is the idea of how I should react to some affront, or the desire to get something, or how I should react to certain things that is different.

For example, I was recently one of many senior developers called a developer(Even though people have told me that they know that *I* am almost single handedly THE person that made this a success), and some junior developers where called senior. In fact, EVERY one called senior was junior. Not only in age and ability, but also KNOWLEDGE! I felt like challenging that idiot in front of the ENTIRE COMPANY!(I found out about this at a company meeting). I considered that as three affronts!

1. I dislike being viewed as being far less capable than I am, especially when they know better.
2. I ****HATE**** people being viewed as being far more capable than they are, especially when everyone should know better.
3. I HATE it when people in the 2nd group are put over me.
In my business though, that is almost always the case.

Anyway, he doesn't know how I feel about him. Good thing too, because he is about 3rd in the corporate structure. I SHOULD have been 4th(If that idiot remained), but am 5th.

My friend calls me asexual. We wrote a poem about it.

I'm so sorry that you suffer this. I hate it too, and also when bimbo women who have no brains but a good body get a job instead of an ordinary-looking, but clever woman doesn't get the job, it drives me crazy and makes me want to kill the f***er that made that choice. It happened to my Mum's friend, she didn't get a job because there was some bimbo in the way.

Emotional immaturity is almost a hallmark of Asperger's, I think, though certainly not unique to it. I don't know if it's related to how long it takes us to understand social conventions, or if it's something innate to how our brains work. It seems like a little of both. I'm inclined to think that, because we only slowly learn what's appropriate and expected socially, we're always lagging behind in our "social" age, which may affect our emotional age as well. It's a mixed bag, because, as someone else said, there are some ways in which I feel like I've always been more mature than my peers, too.

Overall, though, I'm always immature. I didn't start liking popular music or take an interest in girls or do anything rebellious until much later than my classmates. I've also never taken myself as seriously as most people seem to. I don't have a sense of gravity about my life and the things I do, perhaps because I don't have the input of many other adults to define it in solemn terms. In many ways, I'm like a kid with a lot of experience. Because I've done a lot of stupid things over the years, I've become a bit of a diplomat. If I can't feel and own the rules of adulthood, I can at least employ them in a more dispassionate manner.

Your confusing romantic and sexual feelings is being the same thing. The majority of asexuals want romantic partners - they just don't desire having sex with them. There are even a couple dating sites for asexuals.

My bf and I met through a place for asexuals and both of us are definately asexuals.

The term aromantic is commonly used to describe someone who has no desire to be in a romantic relationship.

= SteelMaiden

This is an interesting notion. For a moment, I will replace the notion of "age" with that of "development".

That said, my intellectual side has advanced and developed far more quickly and readily than my emotional side; and I feel the differential, quite readily; it is something that tears at me. Getting back to the age comparison, my emotional side is like a wild teenager, and my intellectual side is like a sage old man. And they struggle with one another for who is in control of me. Typically my intellectual side wins, through conscious effort on my behalf, for in that side lies enormous force of will; and it is better that he be at the helm, than that wild, daredevil teenager. But that daredevil teenager has a lot to offer in terms of enhancing me, driving me with passion and feeling and empathy; I wish not to be a numb robot with no feelings, as I have been at times in my life. It seems I cannot do without either of these sides, despite the fact that the developmental differential causes tension between the two that makes me a bit volatile. But it also makes me the unique and interesting person who I am. As I've said more than once recently, I may have my issues, but I seek not to change who I am.

My emotions are wild, raw, untamed things. They can be a source of great passion; they can also cause me to act the complete fool, and actually have in recent history. My lifelong quest it to learn how to channel and control them better, turn them towards creative and constructive things, and in large part I have gotten quite good at doing this; it is one of the reasons that I’ve been so relatively successful in life. And "creative' is a key concept here, for it is from my immature emotional side that my greatest notions of creativity and inspiration come from; when I feed those into my intellectual side for processing and acting upon, I can achieve wonderful and beautiful things. So, in certain ways, it is rather a gift to have access to the "mind of a child" for the mind of a child is one that readily looks outside the box, is in fact to naive to even perceive the box sometimes. And how often do we hear “think outside the box” as something to strive for? In a way, I’m blessed, for doing so is only natural thanks to my more childish side. As much trouble as that side of me can be, has been – I hope he never really grows up…

Good fortune,

- Icarus lives outside the box...

I'm somewhat relieved to learn that this isn't a unique or even all that rare occurrence. It does give me a little more insight into my failed attempts at relationships, and while not exactly good news, it's infinitely better knowing than not, so I (and those close to me) can be at least a little more prepared for the temporary "insanity" that comes along with it. I'm also able to release many of the regrets I've been holding onto for far too long.

Is anyone else here often accused of being selfish? My Mum tells me that I can be, but I don't see it that way.