Measuring Up to Other People's Expectations

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jjstar
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04 Nov 2007, 11:25 am

People in my family always had expectations from me and in the beginning I guess I complied with fulfilling those expectations. Doing the little dance of amusement. As time went by I wizened up and got hip to the manipulations and it wasn't long before I started rebelling and just saying *NO*. Even today 30 years later, they still have expectations that I will fill for them and you know what - sometimes I do - but I do it because it's the right thing to do - and sometimes I don't because I feel that boundaries are crossed and not honored and so my NO becomes a mantra. Funny thing is, they don't change, but I seem to be - getting more flexible - but still I resent being imposed on. And that's what it feels like - imposition. How dare they!


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sinsboldly
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04 Nov 2007, 12:01 pm

jjstar wrote:
People in my family always had expectations from me and in the beginning I guess I complied with fulfilling those expectations. Doing the little dance of amusement. As time went by I wizened up and got hip to the manipulations and it wasn't long before I started rebelling and just saying *NO*. Even today 30 years later, they still have expectations that I will fill for them and you know what - sometimes I do - but I do it because it's the right thing to do - and sometimes I don't because I feel that boundaries are crossed and not honored and so my NO becomes a mantra. Funny thing is, they don't change, but I seem to be - getting more flexible - but still I resent being imposed on. And that's what it feels like - imposition. How dare they!


absolutely, how dare they!

They should only do what I expect them to do for me!



siuan
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04 Nov 2007, 12:13 pm

jjstar wrote:
People in my family always had expectations from me and in the beginning I guess I complied with fulfilling those expectations. Doing the little dance of amusement. As time went by I wizened up and got hip to the manipulations and it wasn't long before I started rebelling and just saying *NO*. Even today 30 years later, they still have expectations that I will fill for them and you know what - sometimes I do - but I do it because it's the right thing to do - and sometimes I don't because I feel that boundaries are crossed and not honored and so my NO becomes a mantra. Funny thing is, they don't change, but I seem to be - getting more flexible - but still I resent being imposed on. And that's what it feels like - imposition. How dare they!


I'm familiar with expectations. I just stopped caring though, because I realize that I'll never meet theirs no matter how much I accomplish. I go by my own expectations, which I set for myself.

It's funny, while I too seem to be a bit more flexible over time, they seem more rigid. Is this merely our perspective, or does the introspection born of being on the spectrum cause us to open our minds to other possibilities more easily while others simply become more rooted in sameness over time?


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jjstar
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04 Nov 2007, 1:40 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
jjstar wrote:
People in my family always had expectations from me and in the beginning I guess I complied with fulfilling those expectations. Doing the little dance of amusement. As time went by I wizened up and got hip to the manipulations and it wasn't long before I started rebelling and just saying *NO*. Even today 30 years later, they still have expectations that I will fill for them and you know what - sometimes I do - but I do it because it's the right thing to do - and sometimes I don't because I feel that boundaries are crossed and not honored and so my NO becomes a mantra. Funny thing is, they don't change, but I seem to be - getting more flexible - but still I resent being imposed on. And that's what it feels like - imposition. How dare they!


absolutely, how dare they!

They should only do what I expect them to do for me!


I added that for some comedy relief. Of course they dare and of course they will.


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jjstar
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04 Nov 2007, 1:42 pm

siuan wrote:
jjstar wrote:
People in my family always had expectations from me and in the beginning I guess I complied with fulfilling those expectations. Doing the little dance of amusement. As time went by I wizened up and got hip to the manipulations and it wasn't long before I started rebelling and just saying *NO*. Even today 30 years later, they still have expectations that I will fill for them and you know what - sometimes I do - but I do it because it's the right thing to do - and sometimes I don't because I feel that boundaries are crossed and not honored and so my NO becomes a mantra. Funny thing is, they don't change, but I seem to be - getting more flexible - but still I resent being imposed on. And that's what it feels like - imposition. How dare they!


I'm familiar with expectations. I just stopped caring though, because I realize that I'll never meet theirs no matter how much I accomplish. I go by my own expectations, which I set for myself.

It's funny, while I too seem to be a bit more flexible over time, they seem more rigid. Is this merely our perspective, or does the introspection born of being on the spectrum cause us to open our minds to other possibilities more easily while others simply become more rooted in sameness over time?


It's both. We grow more flexible, they grow more imposing ad adfintum....all this for mutual stimulation and growth, I suppose.....


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Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. ~Mary Ellen Kelly