It just dawned on me (body language)

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One of the first reasons I can remember having for hating my parents is that they'd tell me to do something, and I'd said "Okay" and start to do it. Right away they'd respond with nasty comments about how I better do this/not do that. Of course that made me excessively angry as I hadn't said anything that would indicate I'd be doing anything other than what they had just said to do. Sometimes I'd refuse to do something solely on the basis of I'd just gotten yelled at for not doing it, when I went to begin it. After all why should I risk maing my parents angry by not acting in the expected way, even if the expected way was what I wasn't supposed to be doing (that actually seemed logical to me at the time, it wasn't done out of spite).

The other day I went out to eat with bf and his parents. He ordered pumpkin soup and when it came he asked if I'd like to try it. When I went to take his soup spoon his dad quickly asked if I was sick and said we shouldn't be using the same spoon. I did comment that we probably already have all the same germs anyway but I was 100% willing to oblige. So I asked him for the smaller spoon that he'd just used to stir his tea. However, his parents were also against thay, and they said that I should use the soup spoon and he should use the tea spoon. I said "Ok" and was sitting there trying to figure out why in the world they would want him to eat with the tea spoon which was much smaller and not intended for soup consumption. His mom quickly volunteered that we should do it this way because he had already had the tea spoon in his mouth, and his dad added that there might be one germ we haven't shared yet.

If that had been my parents there they'd have started yelling at me for not using the soup spoon even though I had said I'd use it. So now I'm wondering if my body language comes off as indicating that I am refusing to do something when I'm confused. I'm sure bf's dad is an aspie, and I've noticed his mom has some aspie traits, which I think is a large part of the reason they can read my body language correctly (plus they've no doubt been studying aspergers since bf was diagnosed with it 10 years ago). His parents have entire conversations just using looks and as far as I can tell I know exactly what those looks mean (obviously I don't ask for clarification though). I can't read anyone else's looks they way I can with their's - there is just something different about them but without knowing what the typical looks mean I can't comment on what the difference is.

Please, please don't take offense.

Your parents are jerks.

They shouldn't yell at you for something so insignificant, especially as a child, and they should cut you some slack once they know you've got an ASD. The spoon thing seems more like superstition or what one could call "Royal British Table Manners". You or your boyfriend would have to be extremely sick to recieve any ill effects from using the same spoon.

It's normal to understand your parents' body language easier than others, because after all, you've observed them for longer and what body language you may have picked up probably came from them. I don't understand my parents, but then again I rarely care to.

Anyway, it's always nice hearing stories about people with Asperger's Syndrome getting together. I just wish there weren't five times more male than female ones...

I entirely agree. I cut them out of my life for reasons far greater than what is said here. Mom was abusive, dad was neglectful. Both blamed me for everything. Heck my parents both decided I was responible for the glass of milk that was set on top of the tv and and knocked over at my mom's house just because I liked milk. And before you say "well that makes sense," I hadn't been at my mom's house for a week, wheras all 5 of my siblings were in the tv room when the milk was spilled.

And Bf's dad will be attending my master's college graduation solely because of how my parents acted/did not act when I received my undergrad degree. Also, if I marry bf and am walked down the aisle, it will be by his father, not mine.



As for knowing ASD they didn't know it. I am not even sure my mom knows what it is now though I've told her I have it. However, even if they did I doubt it would have changed anything. My mom much prefered to have people think I was crazy then to admit I had epilepsy. I had been having little seixures for years and she was just calling me a liar, or checking me into mental institutions because of them. And I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 6 months old, and apparently had been having big seizures eery coupled of years until I was 7. I about 10 when i started mentioning the funny feelings I was accused of lying about

Sounds a touch like my mother, only more extreme. My mother is constantly denying that I have this or that medical issue that has actually been diagnosed. She denies Aspergers for myself and my brother, denies every one of my food allergies, denied my asthma, denied that I needed glasses, and insists that my disabling gait problems are the result of not seeing the chiropractor. As a result, I have no complete medical history, and feel totally paranoid to bring up a symptom lest I be called a liar for it. But then, my mother is manic-depressive and raised by someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder with paranoid features. What's your mother's excuse?

Gilly

My parents always behaved the same way. I was always getting yelled at for having the wrong expression on my face or saying something in the wrong tone or having bad posture or not acting enthusiastic and happy all the time. They always found some excuse to yell at me, no matter what. So I don't talk to them much anymore.