Looking [i]'normal'[/i]

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I do try to 'fit in' as best I can, but much of the time its far too much effort, and I don't like to pretend to be what I'm not.
So, if the subject of my AS comes up in a conversation with someone, I quite often get the response 'oh, but you seem so normal'; I find this realy confusing. Is the person just saying this to be polite, make me feel better, or do I realy appear 'normal' ?

Some people would definitely say that to be polite.

Others might not understand AS enough or if they only notice shyness, they wouldn't think far enough to consider it as AS.

I can agree with that shyness-thing. When the in-laws were told they just said that I always seemed so shy.

I can pull off being normal, if u just see me walking around, u would never know i was autistic. Its when i start to open my mouth and none of my words come out properly, and my eye contact isn't always the best, heck u really couldnt tell i was autistic unless u even know the symptoms of autism. To everybody else a girl walking around staring anything with royal blue, sitting on the floor randomly rocking back and forth, with my ipod around my head getting into things, twisting my fingers like crazy seems extremely weird to people, not autistic. Thing is i think a good 75% of ppl don't know much about autism, just mainly autism in children who act exactly like rainman. I've had a lady tell me once that "i don't look autistic" um, what does autism look like exactly! So don't get upset if your called normal, i've had ppl say theres nothing wrong with me, sometimes you really can't tell unless you came home with me, or spent more then 2 hours with me.

A lot of ppl who i know say 2 me dat u don't have a disability infact dey say u look normal but i tolded my fellow colleagues dat autism is an invisible disability so therefore u can't tell if u have a disability or not.

People say my son looks normal often. I am not even sure if normal really exists. Te are all unique. I guess normal is supposed to mean average. Average to me means mediocre.

They tell me I seem totally normal - then they cut contact with me when one of my symptoms appears, saying that I'm rude/unpleasant/arrogant/offensive, etc. They say you look normal because they attribute your symptoms to something other than AS.

Maybe she thinks only children are autistic? it is bad? to believe there are people still out there who think only children have autism and they die off/are picked up by a mothership and taken to another planet/stay as a child in physical and mental age etc when they get to adult age,same with ADHD to.


Am never get the looking normal comments,but am do get the complete opposite-especially if non verbal and using makaton,ignorants seem to see NVism as retardation,if these ignorants are home related [agency staff,who are usually from countries that don't have much knowledge of autism] and they see am using a computer,they cannot believe such a "severely ret*d" autistic can find the on button.
all am want to say in those moments is; f-off [if anyone knows the makaton for this,please let am know] ,they stay and watch am like a miracle happening and they call am a "computer genious" for locating on switch.
A group of people thought am was a prostitute in Longford Park due to speed rocking/going into MD whilst sitting down and staff were trying to restrain am.
Probably more real than being called 'normal',at least 'prostitute' and 'ret*d' exists,but 'normal' is just a delusional fake word that doesn't exist in people as every person is different.


seconded.

Last edited by KingdomOfRats on 23 Dec 2007, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think with this most people don't realize that there's no physical differences between Aspies and NTs, whereas maybe they thought they were. Like maybe they think AS makes people look a certain way but don't know that it doesn't, so when someone doesn't match up with their idea of "looking autistic", they think the person looks NT.

yeah, like me, looking at me, in silence, you would never assume anything was different, ya know? like that line for spider-man the movie, "if someone told you I was just a normal guy, somebody lied", same with all these strangers I talk to, "oh you don't look to be having trouble" well my trouble isn't talking, it's talking about the right thing, and shutting up sometimes is the trick, see, I can't not shock people I know so, I try to make it work for me, so far, not so well. but of all the posts, this one, rang true to me, because like i said, I don't look different, I act different

Some people say "it's no big deal, you seem normal to me" as way to minimize the problem, but they may be doing that only in order to make you feel better-or they really can't figure out anything different about you. Of course, which is which isn't clear-people don't often comment on their comments to extent that they explain what they really mean by what they've just said. I dislike it when people try to make light of something that's important & upsetting to me-hearing that I "seem okay" is inoffensive if it's honest & from someone who knows me well enough for me to trust them.

One thing is just appearance (that another sees), another level is behavior (that another person perceives). Whether someone is considered pretty, handsome, decrepit, unkempt, or other doesn't illustrate/illuminate/signal/symbolize someone's mentality (health, illness, neurological status). If someone can keep a behavior invisible enough, then it won't be noticed-and other person won't realize how much effort & attention went into stifling/delaying the hidden reaction. I seem 'normal' (unremarkable) under some circumstances and in other situations I seem extremely unusual-am not always at one or the other extreme.

Haven't stereotype in my head of what someone with this or that dx (from physical to "so-called" mental origins, such as brain tumor, depression, or a personality disorder) looks, sounds, or acts like. Admit I do have assumptions about particular symptoms, and how I feel around people displaying/expressing those symptoms (approach or avoid responses). Couldn't guess whether another person seems intense or severe enough to "officially" count as diagnosable, so I wouldn't think to question someone else's (whether stranger or friend) diagnosis (or how they said they experienced it).

Does it make any sense to believe that a person (with a medical, psychological, or hybrid of both kinds of problems) is going to appear distinctively identifiable as such ? If so, we wouldn't need X-rays, MRI's, and invasive/private counseling sessions, procedures & tests to determine/discern anyone's "health" or functioning.